- I will be using the Quote prompt and the Saved prompt as well.
- The main idea of my essay is how becoming a mother saved me and helped push me in my educational journey.
- Intro- Start with my Quote and people’s opinions of me. I’ll also give brief over view on my past and my present.
- Event 1: Graduating High school led to me running from college.
- Event 2: When pregnancy hit me, so did reality. I became very close with my mother and she gave me a lot of wise advice.
- Event 3: Giving birth and meeting my son gave me a rush of determination.
- Conclusion: Having my son didn’t hinder me from pushing to further my education like people may think. The Outcome.
- Overall message: In life things happen, whether we expect it or not. Becoming a mother was a positive thing rather than negative. Despite what others have said about me, I’m proving them wrong. I’m doing everything they said I wouldn’t.
- “She won’t ever go back to school”, said by one thought by many. Anyone would be quick to think this about me, especially with how I was living my life. As you can imagine There’s a stigma attached to young single mothers. The first thing people think about when hearing a 20 year old young woman is pregnant, unmarried, and working as a waitress is that she won’t make it anywhere. Because it’s impossible to get an education or a career with a baby, right? Wrong! I’m living proof that it is definitely possible. With a strong support system and determination success can be yours. My son is truly the best thing to happen to me and I wouldn’t change a thing because who he has made me become. Becoming a mother has opened my eyes on so many things and has caused me to think differently. The rebellious wild young woman I used to be is no more. ..It’s crazy how much can change in just a year. 19 year old Destiny was very stubborn, well nothing has changed in that department but that isn’t the point. I literally RAN from school. My dreams of becoming an actress were too big for me to think about an education. “A degree? What for? I’m already working with an entertainment company and I’m getting paid for my acting, why would I need a degree. It’s a waste of money and time that I don’t have”. I literally told myself any and everything to justify why I wouldn’t go back to school. For months on end. my mother was constantly in my ear, “When are you going back to school? Why aren’t you going back”. I knew I had no intention of going back, but with my high-pitched lying voice I always replied, “Yea I am, I’m just taking a break” with a smile. I didn’t want her to see or hear the deception in me. After a point of time that wasn’t good enough for her, the tension in the house grew. I was walking on eggshells around her as the smallest inconvenience would start an hour long lecture on college. I didn’t want to pay to be lectured at school much less at home.
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I wish you a great journey with your child and academic journey, also your overall message is great “In life things happen, whether we expect it or not.”
Hi Destiny!
Great outline and opening! The dialogue between you and your mother helps your writing flow. Your story is really inspiring, can’t wait to hear more.
Good work here. I like this opening!
Look at my comments from HW 3 and these comments too.
Notice I put paragraph breaks into your piece. Work on par breaks: New topic = new paragraph!
Good beginning with a quote. Now — Start with the mentor quote up top like this:
“She won’t ever go back to school”, [comma goes inside] said by one thought by many.
Anyone would be quick to think this about me, especially with how I was living my life. As you can imagine There’s a stigma attached to young single mothers. The first thing people think about when hearing a 20 year old young woman is pregnant, unmarried, and working as a waitress is that she won’t make it anywhere. Because it’s impossible to get an education or a career with a baby, right?
Wrong! I’m living proof that it is definitely possible. With a strong support system and determination success can be yours.
My son is truly the best thing to happen to me and I wouldn’t change a thing because who he has made me become. Becoming a mother has opened my eyes on so many things and has caused me to think differently. The rebellious wild young woman I used to be is no more.
It’s crazy how much can change in just a year. 19 [SPELL OUT! Nineteen] year old Destiny was very stubborn, well nothing has changed in that department but that isn’t the point. I literally RAN from school. [DID YOU DROP OUT?] My dreams of becoming an actress were too big for me to think about an education.
GIVE CSD FOR A SCENE HERE – WHERE DID THIS CONVO WITH MOM HAPPEN? Would this be a good place for a scene? If so, Dramatize it!
“A degree? What for? I’m already working with an entertainment company and I’m getting paid for my acting, why would I need a degree. It’s a waste of money and time that I don’t have.” This is what I literally told myself. I told myself any and everything to justify why I wouldn’t go back to school. For months on end.
My mother was constantly in my ear, “When are you going back to school? Why aren’t you going back.” [PUNCTUATION GOES INSIDE QUOTE MARKS]
I knew I had no intention of going back, but with my high-pitched lying voice I always replied, “Yea I am, I’m just taking a break” with a smile. I didn’t want her to see or hear the deception in me.
After a point of time that wasn’t good enough for her, the tension in the house grew. I was walking on eggshells around her [GOOD PHRASING HERE] as the smallest inconvenience would start an hour long lecture on college. I didn’t want to pay to be lectured at school much less at home.
NOW — WHAT are the next events that move your story forward? Some details needed, if these are going to be parts of your story. Only you know, but I have questions:
Were you a working actress? For real? Sounds glamorous? IS this a scene?
Where you a waitress? Where? Is this a scene of event?
A scene of you as a new mom? overwhelmed? OR of you and son in a family moment. Is this a scene or event?