During my high school years, I struggled to find a sense of belonging and purpose. I was not involved in any clubs, and I often felt lost and disconnected from my peers. However, one experience that saved me and gave meaning to my school life was attending Mr. Farinas’s class. As someone who was always interested in politics and current events, I found that Mr. Farinas’s class was like a club to me. I attended the first meeting, and I immediately felt a sense of belonging and purpose. I found myself staying after class more often to talk to him about various topics, and other students would sometimes join in on the conversations. Mr. Farinas’s classroom became somewhat of a community space for us, where we could share our thoughts and feelings in a safe and supportive environment.
What I liked best about this activity was the lively discussions we had about everything from current events to our personal lives. It was refreshing to have a place where we could express our opinions without fear of judgement. This activity changed me by helping me to discover qualities about myself that I didn’t know I had. For instance, I found that I was a good listener and had a talent for synthesizing complex information. This activity also had a positive effect on my academics by helping me to develop critical thinking skills and a deeper understanding of the world around me. Moreover, I discovered important mentors and friends in that community who helped me to grow and develop as a person.
In addition to the social and emotional benefits, this activity taught me skills that translated to my school performance. For example, I learned how to communicate effectively, think critically, and analyze complex information. These skills helped me to excel in my other classes and gave me the confidence to pursue my academic goals. Overall, Mr. Farinas’s class was an integral part of my educational journey, and I am grateful for the sense of community and purpose it provided.
I like your story, Mr. Farina’s class sounds like a great class to open up and give your own personal opinion on subjects. Freedom of speech is also becoming a controversial debate that people are losing their rights of free opinions in America.
Wendbenedo:
OK – Mr. Farina’s class sounds like a good place to be. This is a could be the seed of a bigger story, but you need to do a lot more. What subject did he teach? You see there are Concrete Specific Details CSD missing here. Can you notice that you are doing a lot of telling me? Instead, you need to SHOW me! Remember the scene of Malcolm X learning to read in the light of the hallway while the night guards were on watch. He has CSD that take the reader there to that cell in that prison in that dimly lit room and makes you feel suspense. Will he get caught? NOW — You need to insert a few well-chosen scenes to make this piece of writing come alive.
· Reach back into your memory to find the best scenes that can take your reader there to Mr. Farina’s room. Create THEATER of the MIND for your reader. Make your writing interesting and exciting.
· You need to work on adding CSD – Concrete Specific Details.
[move this to the end. Maybe you can use it to start a conclusion adding more later] During my high school years, I struggled to find a sense of belonging and purpose. I was not involved in any clubs, and I often felt lost and disconnected from my peers. However, one experience that saved me and gave meaning to my school life was attending Mr. Farinas’s class.
Need a better intro, something that hooks your reader in. Can you ==
[JUMP into a scene from a day in Mr. Farina’s classroom. Can you describe it? What did Mr. Farina teach? What did his classroom look like? Who was there? What did Mr. Farina look like? What interesting topics exactly were you discussing? How did you feel? SHOW me, don’t just tell me SHOW me. Reach into your memory and SHOW me the best time you had a great conversation/discussion in that class: WHO said WHAT? Then you can follow with some explanation as you do here …] As someone who was always interested in politics and current events [OK so show me a class discussion on Policing in USA or Ukraine-Russian War or Abortion or WHATEVER – you were there, so you know. SHOW ME.] I found that Mr. Farinas’s class was like a club to me [nice! But don’t just tell, show me the atmosphere the vibe]. I attended the first meeting, and I immediately felt a sense of belonging and purpose. I found myself staying after class more often to talk to him about various topics, and other students would sometimes join in on the conversations. Mr. Farinas’s classroom became somewhat of a community space for us, where we could share our thoughts and feelings in a safe and supportive environment.
What I liked best about this activity was the lively discussions we had about everything from current events to our personal lives. [SHOW me a conversation. Who said What? Did students get excited? Was everyone sharing viewpoints. Show me the back and forth. Who were the other students? How did Mr. Farina guide the conversation? What didhe do? Give the dialogue of the best memory you have of a good discussion.] It was refreshing to have a place where we could express our opinions without fear of judgement. This activity changed me by helping me to discover qualities about myself that I didn’t know I had. For instance, I found that I was a good listener and had a talent for synthesizing complex information [for example – describe your talent for synthesizing – notice your are only telling me.]. This activity also had a positive effect on my academics by helping me to develop critical thinking skills and a deeper understanding of the world around me. Moreover, I discovered important mentors and friends in that community who helped me to grow and develop as a person. [you are doing a lot of just telling – INSTEAD SHOW ME! Give more details description. SHOW me. WHO were your friends mentors were in Mr. Farina’s room? Remember Colin Powell’s description of Ronny Blake, a brilliant chemistry student he admired and his leader cadet in the Pershing Rifles? Was there some one like that for you?]
In addition to the social and emotional benefits, this activity taught me skills that translated to my school performance. For example, I learned how to communicate effectively, think critically, and analyze complex information. These skills helped me to excel in my other classes [WHAT other classes? Again instead of telling me, can you SHOW me a time these skills transferred to doing well in a history discussion? Or an English discussion?]and gave me the confidence to pursue my academic goals. Overall, Mr. Farinas’s class was an integral part of my educational journey, and I am grateful for the sense of community and purpose it provided.