Writing Task Saved- Dhanesh

2 thoughts on “Writing Task Saved- Dhanesh”

1. As quarantine began to end, they began moving us back into in-person learning. I was now a junior roaming the breezeway of Thomas A. Edison High School and wondered to myself, “Man, I’m about to finish high school and I don’t even have any idea of what I want to do for a future career”. Thomas A. Edison was a high school specializing in career and technical education. We had these classes called “shop classes”, which would help us further our education in the specific career path we chose and allow us to earn a certification in the same path. 

    One day as I was walking into school with my friends, Nick and Lucas, we were talking about our certification since it was the same day. “You guys ready for it?” I asked. “Man, to be honest not really, but Mr. Perez told us what we needed to study so we’ll be aight.” Nick replied. Lucas was always the quiet bunch of us but he had looked worried. We walked into our shop class nervous as hell and began our test. After we finished, Nick and Lucas looked at me and said ” Bro, whatever we were told to study was definitely not on the test” and showed me that they didn’t pass. I looked at them with my eyes wide open and began yelling “I passed!”. 

   My friends and teacher started congratulating me. I was surprised at myself since I barely paid attention in class but was one of the 7 that passed in our class. Before our class finished Mr. Perez made an announcement. ” I know many of you might not have passed there still is another day for you to try again so don’t worry. But most importantly, I want you guys to sign up for this internship that looks good on your resume and can help you learn some coding. Nick, Lucas, and I looked at each other and said “Let’s do it”. I didn’t really think of it much but this was my first step to figuring out what I truly wanted to do. 

   I didn’t really think of it much but this was my first step to figuring out what I truly wanted to do.

   OK – NOW move clearly with TIMELINE – Summer? Spring? When was internship? AND move into a part about the coding SKILLS USA internship.

   Reply

2. OK — good start here. NOW — Work on

   1. Timeline
   2. ADD scenes and also scenes with dialogue
   3. The 5 W’s.

   As quarantine began to end, they [WHO”—NYC] began moving us back into in-person learning. I was now a junior roaming the breezeway [hallways?] of Thomas A. Edison High School and wondered[ing] to myself, “Man, I’m about to finish high school and I don’t even have any idea of what I want to do for a future career[”. FIX]

   Thomas A. Edison was[IS] a high school specializing in career and technical education. We [delete had these classes called] “shop classes”, which would help us further our education in the specific career path we chose and allow us to earn a certification in the same path. [ADD better description of SHOP CLASS – Then explain a little — WHY had you chosen this high school? Were you interested in shop-type or mechanical things? WHAT career were you thinking of?]

   One day [in December or February?? THINK TIMELINE and is it senior year now?] as I was walking into school with my friends, Nick and Lucas, we were talking about our certification since it was the same day. [CLARIFY – ADD sentence on certification–WHAT is this?]

   [NEW PAR] “You guys ready for it?” I asked.

   “Man, to be honest not really, but Mr. Perez told us what we needed to study so we’ll be aight.” Nick replied.

   Lucas was always the quiet bunch of us but he had looked worried. [DESCRIBE worried Lucas]

   We walked into our shop class nervous as hell and began our test. [DESCRIBE test]

   After we finished, Nick and Lucas looked at me and said ” Bro, whatever we were told to study was definitely not on the test” and showed me that they didn’t pass.  [CLARIFY TIMELINE: how could you know results right after finishing? TIMELINE!]

   I looked at them with my eyes wide open and began yelling “I passed!”. [FIX FORMAT OF QUOTE]

   My friends and teacher started congratulating me. [MORE DIALOGUE]

   I was surprised at myself since I barely paid attention in class but was one of the 7 [spell out numbers under ten] that passed in our class.

   Before our class finished Mr. Perez made an announcement. ” I know many of you might not have passed there still is another day for you to try again so don’t worry. But most importantly, I want you guys to sign up for this internship that looks good on your resume and can help you learn some coding.

   Nick, Lucas, and I looked at each other and said “Let’s do it”.

   I didn’t really think of it much but this was my first step to figuring out what I truly wanted to do.

   OK – NOW move clearly with TIMELINE – Summer? Spring? When was internship? AND move into a part about the coding internship.

   Reply