“you are never going to make the volleyball team your really bad you’re never going to get in the team, just give up”
These exact words I heard from my mom when I was talking with my friend on the phone on a Friday night two weeks before tryouts, she was eavesdropping. These words stayed in my mind through the week before tryouts. These words keep me motivated when I’m bad at anything, so it makes me work harder on things. I’ll keep pushing and pushing until I get to be the best, so I can prove people wrong and find my potential in the things I do. Anything is possible when you work hard, so I never give up on the things I do.
I know those words my mom told me weren’t to unmotivated me. She was trying to make me stronger, so she tried to say something bad so I could prove her wrong. She knows me really well so she tried to make me work harder. This quote might be really hard to other people but I find the quote to be a motivation, so no matter what people say no matter how down you are you have to get back up, and follow your dreams and passions, so never give up on them no matter what. I grew up with my sisters and my mom. My mom always worked hard for us and never gave up no matter what because people told her “you can’t do it on your own.”, so she proved them wrong, and she did it. when anyone tells you that you can’t prove them wrong and never give up.
You do a lot of telling me, instead SHOW me by creating scenes and dialogue.
Where were you when your mom said this to you? in the kitchen table? in the living room? How old — what grade? What did you say back to her? Why was making the volleyball team important to you?
THere doesn’t seem to be any order to the things you write here. It seems like a random set of thoughts. LOOK TO THE READINGS WE HAVE BEEN DOING/ Make your writing active and come alive. Look at the scene with Malcolm X dodging the night guards. Create your own scene. Maybe yo missed all those discussions. Rafael, there are consequences to missing so much class time. We talked about Reading Like A Writer and how to learn from the writers we have studied.
LOok and comment on two students posts. THis will give you an idea what your writing needs to look like. I urge you to go to tutoring now. If you intend to remain in this class, you have a lot of work to do and the tutors can help. You need to take some serious measures NOW.
Run-on sentences, No capital letters, Comma Splices. Look at the Grammar Resrouces page of this class site. WOrk on this with a tutor.