Author: Esther (Page 5 of 10)

Name what the topic is, the question.  

I am interested in this topic because teenagers have a tendency to mistake lust for love. As we all know, according to google, “ Love is a deep feeling of affection that you have for another person. It’s a lasting attraction that goes beyond the surface and turns into emotional attachment. Lust, on the other hand, is basically a physical attraction that leads to an overwhelming feeling of sexual desire thanks to a rush of hormones.” Teenagers lack the maturity and experience to differentiate between love and lust. I often see teenagers get into relationships and I wonder if it’s just a phase or is it the  beginning of a disaster. In other words, the misconception of love and lust may be a simple experience or a tremendous mistake that can scar for life.

After concluding my research I expect to gain the understanding to assist my fellow teenagers by helping them in their decisions prior to a relationship. Relationship is not something that you jump into, it is  something that requires wisdom, time and patience it’s not something you jump into just for fun. Once you enter a relationship  for entertainment, your emotion begins to get attached with the person and you will end up getting hurt. I also expect to find the reason why teens feel like they are ready to engage in such commitment without a clue as to where it may lead. I am an example of a bad decision made by my mother and father. I suffered the consequences of their bad decision. I am well and in college by God’s grace. Unlike other teenagers who did not have that opportunity.

If I do find information that goes completely against what I had expected to find, I will be happy to learn things from a different aspect. I am willing to learn, since one of my goals is to share and assist people with the knowledge that I gained. I intend to enlighten others with the truth even if it means that I have to challenge my own assumptions. The best way to assist others is to collect factual information and real life experiences, which will encourage the reader to think otherwise and to be convinced.

I intend on using non fiction articles, television shows,  books brochures, pamphlets  and newspapers to obtain information as well as real life experience by interviewing others. Those genres will be great assets to obtain information and support the findings to my question.

I am interested in this topic because teenagers have a tendency to mistake lust for love. As we all know, according to google, `` Love is a deep feeling of affection that you have for another person. It’s a lasting attraction that goes beyond the surface and turns into emotional attachment. Lust, on the other hand, is basically a physical attraction that leads to an overwhelming feeling of sexual desire thanks to a rush of hormones.” Teenagers lack the maturity and experience to differentiate between love and lust. I often see teenagers get into relationships and I wonder if it’s just a phase or is it the  beginning of a disaster. In other words, the misconception of love and lust may be a simple experience or a tremendous mistake that can scar for life.

After concluding my research I expect to gain the understanding to assist my fellow teenagers by helping them in their decisions prior to a relationship. Relationship is not something that you jump into. It is  something that requires wisdom, time and patience. It’s not something you jump into just for fun. Once you enter a relationship  for entertainment, your emotion begins to get attached with the person and you will end up getting hurt. I also expect to find the reason why teens feel like they are ready to engage in such commitment without a clue as to where it may lead. I am an example of a bad decision made by my mother and father. I suffered the consequences of their bad decision. I am well and in college by God’s grace. Unlike other teenagers who did not have that opportunity.

If I do find information that goes completely against what I had expected to find, I will be happy to learn things from a different aspect. I am willing to learn, since one of my goals is to share and assist people with the knowledge that I gained. I intend to enlighten others with the truth even if it means that I have to challenge my own assumptions. The best way to assist others is to collect factual information and real life experiences, which will encourage the reader to think otherwise and to be convinced.

I intend on using non fiction articles, television shows,  books brochures, pamphlets  and newspapers to obtain information as well as real life experience by interviewing others. Those genres will be great assets to obtain information and support the findings to my question.

My  First Source: Terri Orbuch, “Is it lust or Is it love”,TEDxOaklandUniversity,(September 14,2014)

Terri Orbuch does a ted talk where she speaks about differentiating love and lust in a relationship.In the ted talk she explains the signs of love and lust step by step. And I believe that her main point is that love and lust can be in a healthy relationship. It’s just that there are things that naturally have to grow in a relationship in order for it to be maintained within a relationship. For example in the video she says “ It’s love when you both use the word “we” in the relationship and It’s like you guys are intertwined and they are no longer just focusing on themselves but one another.” And she also says “ To rekindle lust into a love oriented relationship you need to do the things you used to do in the beginning of the relationship which is to go out new places to keep the surprises and mystery alive which brings lust”.

When I  watched the video I was a bit skeptical about it because I was afraid that I wasn’t going to get the response or information that I wanted to get. But as i finished watching the video she made me realize how much teens can easily get blinded by lust thinking that it’s love. I was able to do my own sort of comparisons between lust and love while watching the video being that I am a teenager myself.

 Terri in the video said that “ It’s love when you want to show the person off to the people that are most important in your lives.” Now I remember when I was in high school and my friends would be in their relationships and i would ask does your parents know and they would tell me no because they knew that their parents weren’t going to agree with what was going on but somehow they still believed that they were in love and that they would end up getting married after college. I used to tell them I hope their dreams come to existence, then a month later they broke up because they realized that those dreams of getting married were only temporary and that they didn’t really have the maturity to actually maintain a relationship. My main point is that a true relationship that has true love is something that should not be hidden. And I just really like how Terri properly showed the signs of love and lust in a relationship. 

 My second source: https://childmind.org/article/how-to-help-kids-have-good-romantic-relationships/

Rachel Ehmke Writes an article called “Teens and Romantic Relationships” as she shares the do’s and don’ts that parents should share with their teens and that teens should take for themselves . In the beginning of the article Rachel explains how prickly teenagers can be when it comes to their privacy. As she continues to write she states that “ Teenagers do look to us for guidance, though—even when they’d rather die than acknowledge that they are—and we can often have more influence than we realize.”  She is speaking in reference to the parents and to be quite frank with you I can absolutely agree with what she is saying being that I am a teenager myself and I do look up to my mom for guidance especially when it comes to my love life. As the article continues Rachel begins to explain the do’s in a relationship. And the one that popped out to me is when she said “ Being comfortable with someone means: You aren’t pressured to do things you don’t want to do. (This definitely includes sexual things, but also other things, like going somewhere you don’t want to go, or wearing something you don’t want to wear.)” And I feel like this applies to a lot of teenagers because a lot of them fall into the peer pressure of having to have sex in order for the relationship to be cool or successful. I have seen videos and actual people break up because of that and sometimes it hurts because the other person in the relationship wanted things to work out but just didn’t have the gut to give what was asked for which to me its ok because at least you left with your moral and sanity. But what hurts me the most is the people who gave in and were dumped after the fact. One example that I can use is this girl that I used to go to school with in high school and she came to me looking very sad and she was explaining to me how her boyfriend kept on abusing her emotionally asking for oral sex and she gave it to him only to get maltreatment after wards once again emotion wise and as a friend I had to let her know that he doesnt love her. As you read the article you can see that there are more do’s in the article and then comes the don’ts as Rachel is explaining she states how teens should not forget their friends and this makes me think of the amount of relationships that have broken friendships and even family. I have seen my mom abandon her family over her boyfriend, she even abandoned me. We were no longer her priority. She would always be out with him, even sleep out without a care in the world until they broke up. And to heal she needed the family to be there. Luckily she found the support that she needed. Overall This article helped me have a clearer view on relationships especially when it comes to the do’s and don’ts of the parent. 

My Third source entry : “Counseling through your bible handbook” by June Hunt. 

June Hunt wrote this book to talk about all of the things a person may go to counseling for. This book was mainly made for christians who like to do counseling using the bible. To relate to the topic of my annotated bibliography she makes a particular section where she talks about dating. She explains “ The Delights and Dangers of dating”. She explains the do’s and don’ts of dating, how to break off a dating relationship and also how to maintain purity over passion. What attracted me most about the do’s and don’ts “ Don’t focus on romance, Do focus on cultivating a friendship”. When I read this part it made me think about the relationships that have revolved around romance and that have broken up because they lack understanding for one another. Some people it’s in the middle of the relationship they realize that they dont know whats the other companions favorite color. As you read further Jane explains how to maintain purity over passion in a relationship. She Says “ Make purity in the dating relationship a top priority. Otherwise, it is too far easy to be misled by looks, propelled by insecurity, or lured by lust, and end up with a used body, a guilty conscience and a broken heart.” Personally I feel like if teens like myself were being told about purity then a lot of teens would have kept their innocence (virginity). Not that i’m saying that the ones that gave it away were bad but at least they would have known the big importance of it. I really like how Jane put everything in sections and she gives a good amount of details for each point. In the book Jane explains how to handle a breakup if you are the initiator or recipient of the break up on a T chart. And one of the points made for both sides made me think of an experience that I had when I was younger and what Jane said on the initiator side was “ Be honest and direct. Don’t lie about the reasons. The other person might try to fix any of your phantoms, made up excuses.” That made me think of a person who is not interested anymore but doesn’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings . And then one the recipient side Jane also says “ Listen but don’t take everything that is said literally. Look at the bigger picture. Evaluate the validity of the reasons given.” This reminds me of someone who is deeply rooted in the relationship. The reason why this reminded me of my past was because there was this boy that I was in a “Relationship” with and throughout this relationship I was the person who was deeply rooted and he wasn’t. I was in denial and wondered if it was just my mind playing with me. Valentines day came and he didn’t get me anything. I let that pass because we were young and money did not grow on trees. Then there was a day after lunch we were leaving the lunchroom and his friend came to me asking if I wanted to break up with the boy and I said it was his choice and as his friend went to him he said fine cause I already have someone else in mind. I was so vexed because all along he wasn’t interested in the relationship. I let bygones be bygones and we are still friends till this day.  Overall this section of the book was well written and added to the clearer view that I have on relationships.  

 Conclusion: To conclude this annotated bibliography I feel like the research that was done for this essay outdid me. Honestly I thought that the point of view that I had for relationships was clear but based on the research that was made my point of view was nothing compared to this and I’m so compelled by the sources that I might share this info with my friends. Now I see why people say to wait for the one. I also feel like now I’m able to save myself from a heart break because all four sources taught me how to differentiate love from lust. Each source gave me something deeper to think about, Terri from Ted talk made me realize that lust can be brought up in a love oriented relationship without it having to be brought up by sex. Love is something that is intertwined between two people. They become one. My second source from Rachel she taught me that just because you are in a relationship doesn’t mean that you have to neglect your friends. You can still maintain them and be in a relationship at the same time. My third source from Jane Hunt taught me how to maintain purity over passion in a relationship because it can leave me with a used body, broken heart, and a guilty conscience. Over all I now know that we have enough resources to help us differentiate love from lust.