https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1EPONpNtmQFRUErQk1-zKfhHKTywQ9Ck3?usp=sharing
3 thoughts on “kamille’s essay 1 draft”
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https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1EPONpNtmQFRUErQk1-zKfhHKTywQ9Ck3?usp=sharing
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I like the way you detail the difference between life in middle school, high school, and the first weeks of college. You illustrate some things you’ve learned through all these experiences, such as “Middle school was full of adventures and full of new friends, with the only responsibility of coming home by myself, where I got to experience the wonders of taking the subway trains”, “Highschool also taught me that friends come and go, in the beginning of high school I was more worried about making friends and being more popular, by senior year I realized you truly only need a small handful of friends that are really there for you and want to see to succeed in life”, and “In college it is only about being focused and staying on top of always upcoming assignments”. These quotes of yours show me that you found meaning in your past, you learned something important for you that you carry to today, and I think that’s interesting because through your descriptions, readers can see the way your mental fortitude and attitude towards life changes with each opportunity for growth that you encounter. Solid draft overall. One improvement that can be made is in the formatting, the uneven sides and the missing space between paragraphs makes it a bit unclear where your new paragraphs are. (Or idk, it could just be me, I’m writing this at 3 AM so all bets are off)
I enjoyed reading your essay and I could definitely relate when you stated “For me this big moment was the transition from being a child into an adult. From having no care in the world to having a foot long of responsibilities, leaving all the carelessness behind and growing up.” Growing up was a difficult fact that I had to accept and I was always told how mature I am for my age which don’t get me wrong I’m not saying is a bad thing but I just wasn’t ready because I had no idea what I wanted to pursue in the future. I went from not having a care in the world about school to maturing into someone who cares if they got one question wrong on a test. While reading your essay, I learned and came to the realization that it wasn’t just me who was worried to grow up and be an adult. It is normal to worry about major milestones in your life and going to college would definitely be one of them. I thought it was interesting when you were talking about how you like math and science now, but when you were in middle school you felt the opposite. Personally, I’ve always really disliked math and science and can’t even imagine myself ever changing my mind on that, so I was just curious as to what made you change your mind? I feel like you should’e explained in a little bit more detail what really made you start to like these subjects because it will enable to reader to develop a better understanding on who you are, how you’ve grown, and what shaped you into the person you are today.
I enjoyed reading your essay and found your topic really interesting. I agree with what you said about college, its wayyy harder than high school. It’s only been a couple of weeks and im already exhausted and really stressed with all my classes, so I totally get where you’re coming from. Overall, your essay is well written and I dont see any issues with it.