https://docs.google.com/document/d/13siut4-tH14LXqf5YQkTboW3hKTpEvElki4kD5-cKvo/edit
5 thoughts on “Essay 1 draft”
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https://docs.google.com/document/d/13siut4-tH14LXqf5YQkTboW3hKTpEvElki4kD5-cKvo/edit
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While reading your essay draft I learned that memories that arent important or meaningful will be forgotten and you probably won’t remember them at all. I would always wonder why I forget alot of things from my childhood or even events that happened a few years ago. It states, “These memories can be taken in to be remembered and learned from or forgotten in the dust. Most memories are insignificant so the brain washes it away, but some memories have such an impact on us that they stick with us because of how we felt or what we learned.”This somewhat gave me an answer to the question I always would think about, I just thought I had really mad memory but turns out your brain just naturally forgets memories that were insignificant or not impactful. One suggestion that I have is to include a memory that has impacted you enough that you remember it clearly or a memory that you do not recall happening. So far your draft has been really good, and I like how unique it is.
It enjoyed reading your essay from starting. I agree with you that some memories should be remembered while others should be forgotten. I liked your way of starting. You could make your essay more interesting if you would give details about any specific memory or explain it.
I like your intro, in the way that you write objective truths and common sense in an attention grabbing way, especially since what you wrote is something that everyone subconsciously knows but doesn’t realize until it is pointed out to them, so good job on that department. I also like the way that you lead the idea of memories in the first paragraph, and it seems like you have a lot to say about the topic, so it kinda sucks that the essay ends there. Maybe you could add a conflict regarding memories and dealing with growth in life, because I feel like what you already wrote is a great preamble for that, and it’d be interesting to see how other people view memories and how they viewed growing through life.
Overall, what you wrote is really interesting, and I think the continuation of this will make one good essay.
I believe that your essay is off to a great start, and that you are developing a great essay. I agree with everything you stated so far about every individual having their own story and their own way of getting through life. I would love to hear how exactly you fit into the story and how your conflict plays out through your essay.
You are off to a great start with your essay. I agree with you when you stated “Most memories are insignificant so the brain washes it away, but some memories have such an impact on us that they stick with us because of how we felt or what we learned.” I also believe that some memories could make you stronger as a person depending if that memory happened to be a low point in someones life. They could just think back on the memory and realize how much they have changed since then. I think if you include a memory that you feel will always stick with you, it would shape your essay in the right direction because it would be a great transition to the rest of your essay.