Dad and Me

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This is probably my favorite photo of all time: dad and I sitting on a lawn, by a lake, feeding black swans. There is something so peaceful about it.

This picture was taken in the countryside of Minas Gerais, a state in the Southeast of Brazil. My parents would take us there every year; maybe even a couple times a year. I remember that it was so exciting when they would tell us that we were going to Minas. I always thought it was funny that we were so excited to leave a city that so many people would love to visit (my hometown is Rio de Janeiro) to go to a small town with not much going on. But look at how beautiful those swans are! We don’t see swans in Rio that often.

I love the way my dad is holding me. He was always so protective of us. And isn’t it great that he actually let me feed the birds? What if they bit me? Would they bite a 2.5 year-old? There are swans at the park near my apartment here in New York. They are white ones, though. I’m too scared to get near them; I heard they attach you if you get too close. Maybe if my dad was here I would feel brave enough to feed these yankee swans? Maybe.

I remember those shoes–I used to love them. I had another pair of the same kind that I used to like even more, but in different colors (gray and blue) and bigger size. I wore the blue ones after they became too small for my feet. I didn’t tell my mom, because I was afraid she was going to make me stop wearing them. She finally realized, of course. Isn’t it a shame children’s feet grow so fast and their shoes go to waste?

My dad passed away two years ago. I’m so very grateful to have to picture to look at every now and then. I don’t have too many pictures of us together, but that kind of makes the ones I have of us even more special.

 

Photobiography: a lifetime ago

Inspiration: Scenes from the Smith Family Christmas By Zadie Smith

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This picture is from around 1994-95ish, when I was just a toddler. My older sister is holding me safely in her arms; she is 3 years older than I. My Uncle Alex is on the left, I think he’s in the process of creating “bunny ears” for my grandmother who is to the right (that was all the rage!). I vaguely remember this day; we were visiting a park in the Bronx I believe. I’m not sure who took it, but this photo speaks volumes to me. Looking at this, I remember how my grandmother didn’t want to be called “abuela”, rather she preferred her grandchildren to call her Dubby (very possibly misspelled). I remember her singing “La Cucaracha” to make me laugh. My Uncle Alex was the coolest; he was always doing goofy stuff just like in the photo. I remember him throwing me in the air and tickling me until my ribs were sore, he still is my favorite Uncle Alex who is an expert at making people laugh whenever he’s around. But my favorite part of this image is my sister, whose head is resting on my shoulder and holding me like a little dolly she had to protect. And she did. We don’t get to see each other all that much anymore since we don’t live in the same state, but I remember our childhood. We went through a lot of things when we were younger, from living in bad neighborhoods to our father selling our things to fuel his drug addiction. I still remember asking my sister where our N64 went, or why things kept disappearing. She tried to protect me. She was older and knew better. I don’t know what I would have done in her situation, having a younger sister who completely depended on you. But the fact was that I had her, and she made my life easier. I didn’t have to worry because I knew my big sister would be there. And she still is.

Extra Credit #2- Literary Arts Festival

This event was actually entertaining for me. When I first arrived I notice the colorful decorations and the loud music. It was nice seeing the video that was created where different students from different background shared a little about their experience in City Tech and their collaboration to this Literary Art Festival event.  This group is called LAF Team, showing other students that they could be part of a group where they could join to feel a part of the college society and a place where they will be accepted. They performed a dance to “Because I’m Happy” by Bruno Mars, where they showed their energy and positive vibes to the audience.

After this people started to do reading of writings they have created in which I found interesting to listening to some of their works. There were different styles talking about different things. One of the readings that caught my attention was by Latoya Scarboro, she created a poem where she talked about her life in Brooklyn. She shared her struggles growing up after losing her mother at a young age, Latoya mentioned that although she struggled to get through school she will continue until she accomplish her goal of getting a degree. I found this interesting because I feel that a lot of people could have related themselves to her and the hardships she been through, she was an example that you shouldn’t give up on what you want.

After a couple of more readings a band named “Rough Magic” played. Although this is not my personal type of music I enjoyed listening to them it was something different. After some more reading awards were given out to students that were part of a writing competition. Overall I felt the event was full with energy and it was a good time.

Extra Credit – Intimate Apparel Roundtable Event

I found this event based on the play “Intimate Apparel” by Lynn Nottage very interesting.  I enjoyed it a lot because it gave me a chance to see some scenes that students reacted from the play. Being able to see the students acting the scene out gave me a more visual look on how the scene played out. The English classes that perform really did a good job in getting into the character that they were giving. They really showed facial expressions and used tone of voices that helped me see a visuals image of the play. One of the things I found most interesting was when one of the students showed the audience a drawing that she created in which she believed represented Esther. The drawing was two hands holding a rose that was bleeding. The student said that the rose represented Esther throughout the play because she is the only one that gets hurt. I agree with her because throughout the play we see how Esther struggles in finding love and her low self-esteem. We also see her being disappointed even after having what she always wished for because George wasn’t the man that she thought he was. I also do think that Esther wasn’t the only character that was going through hardships in the play.

After this we heard a poem by one of the students in which he created it from scene 2 when Ms. Van Buren kisses Esther and was rejected. I always found this part of the play interesting because was Ms. Van Buren really lesbian or she didn’t it due to the lack of attention she was getting by her husband. I think she had a strong connection with Esther because she actually listened to what she had to say and knew her most intimate secrets and probably felt the need to be a bit closer to her. At the end of this event a conversation and discussion took place between Dr. Marta Effinger- Crichlow and Prof. Jeannie Foster talking about what they thought about the play. Listening to their conversation was very interesting because they really studied the play meaning that they made me see things a little more different for example, George. One of the professor stated that she feels sympathy for George because him as well was a hardworking man that was trying to find her American dream. George wanted to create a new identify for himself. In the conversation it was also started that throughout the play a strong identity to African- American women is given because they all in some sense had some type of independence.   One of the things said that caught my attention was when one of the professors stated “never confuse a person inability to read or write with their intelligence.” Although Esther couldn’t read or write she still found a way to survive.

Helga Crane’s Character (Late)

As the novel began, I got a sense that Helga liked the quiet and being alone because she didn’t like where she was at Naxos. She was also described as being irritated and having a lot of anger. Helga liked teaching at Naxos at first, but after 2 years, she began to hate it. They were racist at Naxos, and since Helga is biracial, this could have been a reason why she started hating it. She could have also felt angry because in the novel it says that she was like a pity case for her uncle and because she had “negro blood” she would never amount to anything. I don’t believe that that was the life she wanted for herself.

“Most of her earnings had gone into clothes, into books, into the furnishings of the room which held her. All her life Helga Crane had loved and longed for nice things. Indeed, it was this craving, this urge for beauty which had helped to bring her disfavor in Naxos- “pride” and “vanity” her detractors called it.” (pg 14)

This passage shows me that Helga could not be who she wanted to be in Naxos and so this is why she was unhappy there. It also wasn’t the lifestyle that she wanted. I believe that she longed to be successful because of all the thing that she wanted. It’s interesting because Helga’s character seems like its constantly changing to me. This is one reason why I really don’t believe she was happy at Naxos. I believe that what she experienced there wasn’t what she thought she thought the experience would be like because why else would she hate teaching at Naxos if she liked it at first. Helga’s character was also developing because of the people that she was around, like the singing children that she loved and James, who she was with because they were both lonely.

Suicide

In chapter 13 of The Bell Jar Esther tries to kill herself after an interaction with Cal. Cal was the boy who Jody had wanted her to meet. They discussed for a while suicide with a shotgun, and things of that nature. the next morning Esther tried to kill herself with a silk cord of her mothers. Though Esther was mentally Ill, she would decide to use whatever sense she had in order to decrease her chances of being out into a mental institution.

Suicide is associated with many things, from peer pressure to mood disorders. In the past 45 years rates of suicide have increased by at least 60% in some countries. This has been the leading cause if death among ages 15 – 34 throughout the world. Attempted Suicide is considered a strategic action to resolve conflict within themselves, parents or peers. This is also considered to be a distress signal, aiming for the empathy, of others. Mental Health and suicide go hand and hand. Of 15, 629 cases of suicide with information on psychiatric diagnoses was over 50 percent.  Disorders such as depression, which is a mood disorder, also associated with suicide had numbers of 35.8 percent of reported suicide deaths.

“That morning , I had tried to hang myself. I had taken the silk cord of my mothers yellow bathrobe As soon as she left for work, and in the Amber shade of the bedroom, fashioned it into a knit that slipped up and down on itself. It took me a long time to do this, because I was poor at knits and had no idea how to make one” this is just an example of how much concentration you have to put into killing yourself. There has to be some reasoning fir this type of dysfunctional Irrational behavior. Suicide has been on the rise for years.

 

bjp.rcpsych.org/content /183/5/382.full

Ladies’ Day: The Bell Jar

In the story, the banquet, which Esther attends, is held by Ladies’ Day magazine staff. The connection here can be made that it is a celebration of women, and for Esther this means she can enjoy herself and eat all of the luxurious food she wants without worrying about the price because she is at a banquet.

“There was eleven of us girls from the magazine, together with most of our supervising editors, and the whole staff of the Ladies’ Day Food Testing Kitchens in hygienic white smocks, neat hairnets and flawless makeup of a uniform peach-pie color”

Ladies’ Day from Wikipedia :

In the western liturgical year, Lady Day is the traditional name of the Feast of the Annunciation of the Blessed Virgin (25 March) in some English-speaking countries. It is the first of the four traditional English quarter days. The “Lady” is the Virgin Mary. The term derives from Middle English, when some nouns lost their genitive inflections. “Lady” would later gain an -s genitive ending, and therefore the name means “Lady’s day.”

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lady_Day

Shock Therapy a/k/a Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT)

In the 1960s at the time of The Bell Jar, so little was fully known that Esther is simply considered to be “insane.” She stays in an “insane asylum” where she is not so much treated but managed and controlled. It was not until the 1990’s many of these expansive asylums were completely overhauled into modern medical centers or closed because of underuse, underfunding or scandal. (Pelayo, C.).  The insane asylums of this time became the psychiatric hospitals of today.

Esther receives a series of shock treatments which was very common back then and used much more recklessly than they are today. The ‘shock treatment’ referred to is known as ECT or Electroconvulsive therapy, a form of psychiatric treatment (usually for major depression) which was developed during the 1930’s. It involves the inducing of seizures in a patient through the administration of electric shock to the brain via electrodes placed on either side of the head.  (Wikipedia). Ester says “Doctor Gordon was fitting two metal plates on either side of my head. He buckled them into place with a strap that dented my forehead, and gave me a wire to bite”. (p. 143).

Nowadays, patients receiving ECT are given a short-acting anesthetic and a muscle relaxant to prevent a full-blown seizure occurring. However, during the 1940’s through 1960’s, ECT was often given in its ‘unmodified’ form without anesthesia or muscle relaxants. (Wikipedia). It is this primitive form of ECT which Esther received. Later in the reading we get a sense that these treatments weren’t quite administered with accuracy and purpose. When Esther told Dr. Nolan how she did not like Dr. Gordon because of “what he did to her” (p. 189) referring to the ECT, Dr. Nolan replied by saying “That was a mistake and it is not supposed to be like that”. (p.189). It seemed more as though Dr. Gordon tried to shock and shake Esther back to the world of the sane. We can understand her experience when she says, “Then something bent down and took hold of me and shook me like the end of the world”. (p. 143). Sadly, people didn’t really know enough about the brain, mental illness, and psychiatry to truly be helpful back then. Electroconvulsive therapy does exist today, however it’s not like the shock treatments to which Esther was subjected to.

Article Reference :  Pelayo, Cythia, Retrieved from  http://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/abandoned-insane-asylums

MIDTERM PREP

“And lots of other things,” said he. “But you haven’t done half as much of your lovely work since you started this kitchen business, and you’ll will forgive me, dear it hasn’t been as good. Your work is quite too good to lose; it is a beautiful and distinctive art, and I don’t want you to let it go.”

1. The Cottagette

2. Charlotte Perkins Gilman

3. In this passage, Ford Matthews is explaining to Malda that even though he still grew to love her even after she started cooking and cleaning, he insist that she lets it go for her own sake. He knows how talented she is and he feels it would be a waste to let cooking and cleaning get in the way of her art.

4. This passage relates to the bigger issue of how society views women. Maldas love for Matthews was so strong that she didn’t realize how she was slowly becoming a house wife. Nowadays it is very common to have house wifes that stay home, clean and cook. This passage is important because it shows us that they are men who don’t think every wife needs to be a house wife, that she can be whoever she wants and the man will still love her unconditionally.