I had to go and find the blurb of this book to piece together what in the world was going on in the actual story. The blurb and concept of this story seems interesting, but is hindered by the absurd amount of description and commas scattered around throughout. As I’ve mentioned in past critiques, the author should ask themselves “Is this important to the story?” and “Will the reader be able to comprehend this? And if not, is making them re-read it worth the wording I’m using?”.
The blurb of the book is clear and gives you an incredible hook and twist on a simple concept: freeing slaves. However, the first chapter does nothing to interest me in what’s going on. The wording is clearly meant to reflect the fact that your point of view is that of a slave, causing the sentences to be less developed than one would expect. However, this wording also makes you read lines over and over again to get a base understanding of what’s trying to be said. This combined with the premise can be confusing for readers unless they read the blurb or a summary like I have.
It’s an alright concept, but they should really ask “Is this worth it?”.
I do agree with you how the wording can be confusing for the reader at times. If the wording was clear for the readers then people would understand what is going on. Even if it was a first chapter I was intrigued where was the story going from here.
I also had to reread the story multiple times because it was difficult to understand what was trying to be said. Reading the blurb of the book was a smart idea because if I had done that I probably would have been able to understand the story better. A question I have for you is why do you say the point of view is from a slave’s perspective?
I agree, the first chapter not that interesting for what could be a great story. The wording was a bit confusing but it was done purposely. After a quick reread I think it become a bit more clear to me.
You and me are on the same page about the confusion. I had thought about doing the same thing, but I decided to stick to the material that was already present. Found myself reading it over a few times, more so in specific areas of the writing than others.
I love the “Is this worth it?”. I agree with your question. Was it worth giving the reader a hard time at such an early part of the book? How many would continue after that?