My parents and I argue constantly. We weren’t raised in the same way and the environment we are in is different from how my parents grew up. When I was very young I was put into dance school where my mom was the dance teacher. I loved it in the beginning. Dance was a passion for me till it got competitive. I wasn’t first place and that brought the ugly out of my mom. Everyday I started to grow hate for her. For someone who’s a hopeless romantic to a perfect family and romanticizing relationships , it was a stab to the heart every time because I knew I wasn’t going to get what I wanted. Because our relationship was terrible, I suffered growing up. I knew I did. It took years before I realized how much my mental health was eating me alive.  I was struggling every part of my life. I was in friend groups doing the best I could to have them stay in my life because I was scared of not being good enough and them walking out. Then it started impacting relationships. I was with men who were emotionally unavailable.I would do everything and anything to make them fall in love. I finally decided to fix it. I needed to heal the 10 year Shagota who needed to know she was good enough and she is. 10 years later I had a performance and I was sitting down creating a CD for my mom, I finally told her about how everyone should go see therapy. I started to express my concerns about how much she lacked as a parent. The young me was screaming at how much pain she was bringing to my life.I let her know her lack of love really sucked. She thought it was a joke. She grew up a certain way and her dad was emotionless as well. It wasn’t until the day after she processed what I said. I crying about other issues and she tried to get me to talk to her, unfortunately the anger within me still stays. Our problems didn’t get solved  but I am less angry because I never want this for my future kids and that was a lesson learned for me.