AKM Ehsanul Haque Memoir 2

Anonymous is a strong word. People use this word to describe themselves both intentionally and unintentionally. Let me explain, when there is an occurrence that someone does not want to be a part of, they use anonymous to describe themselves to keep their identity safe, likewise when someone is going through a tough time like a difficult phase of their life that makes them question who they are. It also makes them question who they truly are as a person. Being anonymous is not fun, especially when you don’t want to be described as anonymous. Life gives you many options where you would have to make a decision. Often those decisions make you question yourself about who you truly are. It’s not the best feeling in the world but sometimes it’s best to feel that way in order to find your true self. In this memoir I am gonna talk about an experience where I felt like that and how I overcame it.

I have been in a neighborhood where fighting was almost a regular thing. Almost everyday or every other week someone had been involved in some kind of fight in the area. And these fights would be not only fighting with hands but also screaming and cursing out. I was a child and I would hear people scream either for their lives or to hurt someone else’s life. I use to live in a

neighborhood where there were not only normal civilians but also politicians living and a police station. I would sometimes even hear the criminals scream in the police station whenever there was an interrogation going on. I have been introduced to fighting and arguing at a very young age. I would hear my parents argue as well when I was a child. They still argue but now I know what they are talking about so it’s not that scary anymore. Note that I was not too young nor too old but I would still have a hard time understanding what is going on around me because I was slow as a child and I didn’t even know what they were talking about. I would just understand that they are screaming and making face expressions which means they are fighting. All these experiences make me want to not argue or fight at all. It kinda made me come up with different solutions for a particular threat. 

I myself had come across many situations where I almost got into a fight or an argument. But instead of doing it I chose to ignore and stay calm. Because I already know what’s gonna happen if I get into a fight or argument. In my mind I knew that both of these do not help solve a problem. It makes it worse. I would always stay away from people who were a red flag or just give out problematic vibes. I would not deny the fact that it really helped me build myself up as a better person. Because I feel like it opened up a way for me to observe and understand a situation more professionally. I will not say that I don’t like to argue at all, that’s not true. Everyone argues one way or another. My way of arguing is less harmful. I might argue about what movie we are gonna watch but I am not gonna argue with you and waste my time proving your judgments wrong about me. There are various types of arguments. I try to avoid some for my own good because I don’t want people to control the way I think of myself.  

But to be honest I feel like all that made sense when I was in high school. As in I had teachers who I could ask for help or some way to keep myself away from this type of negativity. But now I am in the real world aka in my college life. It feels like it’s only me who can save myself from this type of negativity now.  Now a days people are mad disrespectful and just retarded in general. Literal drug addicts think they will be able to go into and win a fight with someone who is health cautious when they can’t even be in a standing position themselves. It is kinda funny to see how much talk they can do but when it comes to fighting they start sliding back but the talk still doesn’t end. The fights always start with “Do something” but no one does anything except saying the phrase over and over again and cursing out. It is also sad because at the same time you can see two different people standing in two different positions because of the choices they made in life. 

Nonetheless fighting is exciting to me as a sport not to harm someone just because they are weak. That to me is not something I would describe myself as. I don’t like taking advantage of people’s weaknesses.  I would rather earn respect from someone than earn nothing out of a fight.