When I was 14, I flew to Guyana for the first time. It was an amazing experience and it opened my eyes to life outside of America. I realized how much better yet similar our lives were. Living in my neighborhood, Which is predominately Caribbean people, it was very cultural and many people that lived there didn’t originally come from America but came from their home countries and migrated as children. My father was one of those people. As the son of an immigrant you see the social challenges your parents face while being here. And when you go to where you come from you gain a sense of home because its your parents home and the stress of living in the city vanishes.
While being there I was free and everyone knew me and my family. Even if I was from America I was treated just like anyone else. There was no judgement or people singling you out to be in a group of kids you don’t know. It was freedom. Being able to run outside on the dirt paths barefoot and being able to go places. It was a life I never thought I would experience. Even if life is better here with all of the things we have, It could never top the joy of home.
NEED TITLE ___
When I was 14, I flew to Guyana for the first time. It was an amazing experience and it opened my eyes to life outside of America. I realized how much better yet similar our lives were. Living in my neighborhood, Which is predominately Caribbean people, it was very cultural [Develop a Scene here of this different cultural life. SHOW me the “amazing” life there. DO you have a best memory? Instead of just telling me, just summarizing, MAKE YOUR STORY COME ALIVE.] and many people that lived there didn’t originally come from America but came from their home countries and migrated as children. My father was one of those people. As the son of an immigrant you see the social challenges your parents face while being here. [What hardships has your father faced? LIst a few.]
And when you go to where you come from you gain a sense of home because its your parents home and the stress of living in the city vanishes. [Give an example by creating a scene from your memory, of this “sense of home” during one of you Guyana visits. WHAT DO YOU see? WHAT do you eat? WHO is around you? THEN Show me how it’s different from the “stress” of NYC living. Do you mean cultural stress? ]
While being there I was free and everyone knew me and my family. [Give a scene of how people treat you, a memory from a visit] Even if I was from America I was treated just like anyone else. There was no judgement or people singling you out to be in a group of kids you don’t know. It was freedom. Being able to run outside on the dirt paths barefoot and being able to go places. It was a life I never thought I would experience. [give me a scnee – SHOW ME!] Even if life is better here with all of the things we have
Haileson – you must work on developing more fully. You need scenes with good description. You do a lot of telling me, of summarizing, but that is not the same as showing me, taking me there to see how your family is treated differently in Guyana. THEN HOW HAS THIS BI-CULTURAL IDENTITY SHAPED YOU AS A STUDENT, HOW HAS THIS SHAPED YOUR IDEA OF YOUR EDUCATIONAL PATH. Have you been stereotyped? Or mistreated in American schools because of being African? OR have you felt torn between meeting expectations of Guyanese parents?