1.) I will use the mentor Quote and between two worlds.
2.) The main idea of my education narrative will be showing that how I found my path after graduating high school because of my own limitations held me back.
3.) Outline: I- Intro; Mentor quote of my mom telling me that if she had the opportunities I have , her life would have been very different.
II. Event 1; First time going to a public school after growing up in a really strict catholic private school.
III:Event 2; Life during high school and growing up with an immigrant family.
IV. Event3 ; Life after college and how I got a job as a dental assistant that made me realize what I wanted to do with my life.
V. Conclusion; Dialogue with my mom about going back to college. Her telling me ” I had everything to succeed”.
VI. Overall message; Finding out that my own limitations held me back from what I always wanted to do with my life.
Opening, Intro
” My life would have been very different if I had the opportunities you have”
I would always remember those words that my mom told me. It was a hot day in summer. The air shimmered with a palpable intensity.It was a day that demanded stillness, a day where time seemed to slow to a crawl under the weight of the relentless sun. I came stressed from the heat and the bad day at work. I opened the door I saw my mom cooking. She was standing there in the kitchen holding a big spoon, sweating from the really hot soup she was making in a hot day. As soon as I saw my mom I ran to hugged her and busted into tears
My mom hold me tight with that big metal spoon touching my hair . I had always knew what I wanted to do with my life. Since I was little I knew that I wanted to do something in the medical field. I loved my job as a dental assistant but I still felt like that wasn’t enough for me and my parents. I told my mom that I felt like the weight of my own insignificance pressed down upon me, a constant reminder of my lack of purpose. Even though, I felt better with that comforting hug. My mom just looked at me confused. She told me that I had everything to do something better with my life, and that I was lucky enough to even have parents that supported in everything.
Hi Domenica!
Your mom seems really supportive and encouraging which is great. I liked the way you set up a scene in the opening by describing the hot day and giving us details, it makes the writing come alive. Nice job!
Good job on the details in Par 1!
Now at the end of Par 2: Here — can you give us the exact dialogue between you and your mom? — instead of just telling/reporting.
I told my mom that I felt like the weight of my own insignificance pressed down upon me, a constant reminder of my lack of purpose. Even though, I felt better with that comforting hug. My mom just looked at me confused. She told me that I had everything to do something better with my life, and that I was lucky enough to even have parents that supported in everything.
THINK Amy Tan and the dialogue she shows us between herself, her mom on the phone to stockbroker. THINK Obama’s dialogue with Ray in the school cafeteria.