“What’s up my nigga? Sana told me you got a crush on me. That’s cute but “Ion fuk  wit chu like dat. I will never like a black monkey like you,” said Mohamed Kaid.
Mohammad Kaid, an Arab from Yemen, shared the same prejudiced views of nearly all the other Arab students in the school. Since, I never considered him to be someone I would consider having a crush on. I was quite bewildered. While walking to lunch in the middle school hallway, is when Mohammed blurted that aloud in front of everyone.
Everybody shouted, “Oooh damn!” The idea that Sana Zaid, an Arab girl from Yemen whom I considered to be cool with, would ever do that to me infuriated me to no end. Despite her knowing that I didn’t like him. I was embarrassed above everything. I began to shake uncontrollably. The thing about me is that tears form in my eyes when I’m angry. So I hurried to the bathroom. I could hear the laughter trailing behind me in my wake. I disliked being black once more as I stood in front of the mirror and stared at my reflection.
As I stared at myself in that mirror, I thought about what future-me would tell me to do. What my other friends back home would do, I could hear them telling me, “FUCK THAT BITCH UP IF YOU KEEP LETTING THIS SHIT SLIDE, THEY GON WALK ALL OVER YOU, THEN NEXT THING YOU KNOW, THEY GON CALL U THIER ABED( which is the Arabic word for slave). It was as if all the anger I had been suppressing for the almost seven years that I had been the target of racist taunts and harassment shot through me like adrenaline. I knew what I needed to do.
I came out of the bathroom seething with anger and rage, next thing I know, I ran up to Mohammed who was still laughing with his friends and smacked the shit out of him so hard the whole hallway was silent. I turned around to find Sana’s face as pale as death, I knew at that moment she had realized she had gone too far. There was a loud crash when I took her by the head and slammed it to the locker. She then started hitting me, getting her little ones in. I then proceeded to drop her to the floor. Teachers came running, as if they were in a marathon, trying to separate us. I felt like I was a crazed animal clinging to something, like a dog with a bone, since all four teachers were on me, holding me back. But she had about six teachers nearby who were cooing over her like a newborn. I then heard a loud voice boom “ILHAM LAWANI PRINCIPAL OFFICE NOW!”
I think you should use asterisks for the curse words. So — “F**K THAT B**CH . . .” That is the standard practice when writing in a formal setting as you are since this is a college paper.
Otherwise, you have a good scene here! I am looking forward to what comes next!
Somewhere next you will need to explain the ethnic cultural composition of the student body at [WHAT name high school?]. What other events will show the struggles you had at [NAME] high school?
THINK about how Obama showed us the TWO different worlds he lived in while going to Punahau High School in Hawaii.
LOOK at the writing prompt for TWO different worlds to get ideas.
Here my edits:
“What’s up my nigga? Sana told me you got a crush on me. That’s cute but “Ion fuk wit chu like dat. I will never like a black monkey like you,” Mohamed Kaid blurted aloud in front of everyone walking to lunch in the middle school hallway.
Mohammad Kaid, an Arab from Yemen, shared the same prejudiced views of nearly all the other Arab students in the school. Since, I never considered him to be someone I would consider having a crush on. I was quite bewildered.
Here is your complex sentence with correct punctuation. Remember the handout we did in class! Since [no comma] I never considered him to be someone I would consider having a crush on [no period / , comma here] I was quite bewildered.
Everybody shouted, “Oooh damn!”
The idea that Sana Zaid, an Arab girl from Yemen whom I considered to be cool with, would ever do that to me infuriated me to no end. Despite her knowing that I didn’t like him. I was embarrassed above everything. I began to shake uncontrollably. The thing about me is that tears form in my eyes when I’m angry.
I hurried to the bathroom. I could hear the laughter trailing behind me in my wake. [good sentence good description!] I disliked being black once more as I stood in front of the mirror and stared at my reflection. As I stared at myself in that mirror, I thought about what future-me would tell me to do.
[I considered what] What my other friends back home would do, [and] I could hear them telling me, “FUCK THAT BITCH UP IF YOU KEEP LETTING THIS SHIT SLIDE, THEY GON WALK ALL OVER YOU, THEN NEXT THING YOU KNOW, THEY GON CALL U THIER ABED( which is the Arabic word for slave).
It was as if all the anger I had been suppressing for the almost seven years that I had been the target of racist taunts and harassment shot through me like adrenaline. I knew what I needed to do.
I came out of the bathroom seething with anger and rage, [CS COMMA SPLICE sentence error] next thing I know, I ran up to Mohammed who was still laughing with his friends and smacked the shit out of him so hard the whole hallway was silent. I turned around to find Sana’s face as pale as death, [CS] I knew at that moment she had realized she had gone too far. There was a loud crash when I took her by the head and slammed it to the locker. She then started hitting me, getting her little ones in. I then proceeded to drop her to the floor. Teachers came running, as if they were in a marathon, trying to separate us. I felt like I was a crazed animal clinging to something, like a dog with a bone, since all four teachers were on me, holding me back. But she had about six teachers nearby who were cooing over her like a newborn.
I then heard a loud voice boom “ILHAM LAWANI PRINCIPAL OFFICE NOW!”