Outline and Opening – Michael M

1)Writing prompts saved

2)The Main idea of my education narrative will be about how going to a high school of architecture made me feel like a place where I belong

3)Outline

I. Intro: I am in my 2nd year of high school entering a new year of studying architecture.

II. Event 1: I attend an architecture high school

III. event 2: attending my architecture classes

IV: i was excelling in my arctiectuer classes

V: Conclusion: I was good at doing much but the one thing I was good at was architecture

VI: overall message: I found a place where I belong and fit in

Opening

I was in my 2nd year of high school and remember entering the architecture room for the first time. There were architecture models made of white foam core and chipboard hanging all over the walls. The best were huge, way bigger than your average desk, and grouped in 2 aligned rows. In the very far right of the room were huge stacks of white foam core and chipboard, next to that there was a cart filled with 2-foot-long cutting rulers, T squares, and a special type of glue. Seeing all this made me excited but nervous all at the same time. This was my moment to see if I had what it takes. 

I was never really good at much when it came to school. I was nothing but average and I always wanted to find something I’m good at. Everyone usually has one thing that they are good at whether it is math sports or playing video games but I always wanted my one thing to be architecture. We started to make models and express our creativity. For once I was good at something. Better than those other kids I excelled. My peers would come to me for advice, they would ask me for help making cuts for their models or suggestions for their floor plans, and the teacher would use my work as an example of what to do. I even devised innovative techniques that the teacher would take note of and use for their other classes. My work would be put on display at school and seeing that I knew where I belonged.

2 thoughts on “Outline and Opening – Michael M”

  1. Ok — this is a good start!

    NOW can you be more specific in your planning outline:

    WHAT specific event will show this? event 2: attending my architecture classes

    WHAT specific event will show this?: i was excelling in my arctiectuer classes. [watch for capital i !]

  2. Here I give you some ideas for edits:

    I was in my 2nd year of high school [NAME – WHAT high school?] and remember entering the architecture room for the first time. There were architecture models made of white foam core and chipboard hanging all over the walls. The best were huge, way bigger than your average desk, and grouped in 2 aligned rows. [ADD a sentence to say why they were “best”] In the very far right of the room were huge stacks of white foam core and chipboard, next to that there was a cart filled with 2-foot-long cutting rulers, T squares, and a special type of glue. Seeing all this made me excited but nervous all at the same time. This was my moment to see if I had what it takes. [good phrasing]

    I was never really good at much when it came to school. I was nothing but average and I always wanted to find something I’m good at. Everyone usually has one thing that they are good at whether it is math sports or playing video games but I always wanted my one thing to be architecture. [since WHEN? HOW was your interest in architecture sparked?]

     

    [WHAT class was this?] We started to make models and express our creativity. For once I was good at something. [IS this a place to create a scene here? WHAT was the project/assignment? WHAT did you do that was better? SHOW me your excellence doing ___] Better than those other kids I excelled. My peers would come to me for advice, they would ask me for help making cuts for their models or suggestions for their floor plans, [CAN you reach back into your memory and SHOW me this as a scene with everyone being amazed at your “cuts” or your floor plans. SHOW me WHAT the teacher said and HOW she treated you] and the teacher would use my work as an example of what to do. I even devised innovative techniques that the teacher would take note of and use for their other casses.

     

    My work would be put on display at school and seeing that I knew where I belonged.  [IS this an ending scene? It might be a good way to end on a positive upbeat note. This would make a great scene with CSD – were you walkng through the halls and found that your work was in the architecture display shelf on Parent Teacher night? Were your parents there to see? WHAT thoughts of achievement and pride went through your mind? IDK but you do, so SHOW ME]

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