My education career has been like mathematics, it has not been easy nor has it gotten easier. Simply at some points I just get used to it. When I was younger I was not a great student, I was actually a pretty average student. My teachers always wrote on the commentary section at the back of my report card, “She is a good student but she needs to read more”, “She is a good student but she needs to practice writing more”. I was always a “good student” but I was always missing something. For a long time I thought I was just not good at studying, however, when I moved from Mexico to NYC and started high school, that was the place where something lit up inside me. When I first joined my algebra class, at first I was quite lost, my teacher only spoke English and I only knew Spanish. However, thankfully there was a teacher assistant who always translated everything into Spanish for us. After a few days I felt like I knew math, it wasn’t hard anymore. I would finish my assignments faster than others. My teacher then noticed and started to give me extra work. I never felt this work as a burden but rather as a way to be recognized, and that made me feel special. Few weeks went by and the teacher moved me from the Spanish-only table to regular table but alone. Although my teacher and I did not speak the same language, math was the language that made all our conversations. With time people started joining my table, they would ask me for help and I loved helping them, I could see myself shining so bright for the first time in my education. I was no longer just the “good student”, I was the “helper student”. I do not remember what my teacher said to me during those times because at the time my English was horrible, but I do remember going for extra help after school, going test prep every Saturday. I enjoyed all the extra work, studying with people who acknowledged me and genuinely cared for me.
I loved math so much that I decided to become an engineer and use my knowledge to help others’ lives be easier and enjoyable. That is how I ended up going to Caltech. However, after my first week of classes at Caltech I felt this incredible heavy feeling in my heart. My classes were extremely challenging, the mathematics I once used to love no longer lighted up my heart but instead sank it. This was not regular math but it was real analysis math, math where you no longer use numbers, only theorems and proofs. I was never used to this. I felt so behind and I was. Homework will take me about 3 days while others took less. I was always comparing myself to others because we were encouraged to do so. We were only allowed to check answers with each other if both students finish all the homework independently so because I was always behind I was never able to double check or discuss my answers with others, it was the most painful feeling because despite there only being 5 problems on a piece of sheet, I would just be there staring at an empty paper trying to figure out how to solve it, thinking in my head over and over and over again thinking and thinking and that paper will still be empty, that is what I call real madness. This feeling never ended, it was no longer just math, it was every single class. Days passed by and I was still there inside my room, fill with nothing but papers from lectures, written formulas on my walls to memorize, multiple to-do list of my next assignments, seating there in my desk, trying and trying and trying so hard to the point my brain was blank, to the point that I started wondering, what exactly am I doing? How long do I need to keep this going? Is this worth it? My life was vanishing before my eyes, and I was still there staring at an empty page. At the end of that semester I decided to leave. To leave to live. I wanted to be someone, and that someone is myself back at the beginning of high school. That one whose heart lit up when mathematics problems came and with it people who needed me came to me. Now, I want to make a change in the world. I know there is so much potential inside me, and not to say it in a self-adoring way but rather in a hopeful way. I know I can make such a big impact in this world, my goal now is to be someone whose people can say, if she did it, so can I. That is why today I am here, trying a different environment, in an attempt to make my life like mathematics, not easier, but rather more enjoyable and helpful to myself and others around the world.
Evelyn
Work on paragraph breaks
My education career has been like a mathematics problem to solve, it has not been easy nor has it gotten easier.
[in Mexico? Place? CSD!] When I was younger I was not a great student, [CS comma splice fix by using full stop period – review !] I was actually a pretty average student. My teachers always wrote on the commentary section at the back of my report card, “She is a good student but she needs to read more”, “She is a good student but she needs to practice writing more”. I was always a “good student” but I was always missing something.
For a long time I thought I was just not good at studying, however, when I moved from Mexico to NYC and started [NAME -CSD] high school, [cut words] something lit up inside me. My algebra teacher recognized talent in me and she moved me from the Spanish-only table to the regular table — but alone. Although my teacher and I did not speak the same language, math was the language that made all our conversations. [Excellent phrase] With time people started joining my table, they would ask me for help and I loved helping them, I could see myself shining so bright[ly] for the first time in my education. I was no longer just the “good student,”[punctuation goes inside] I was the “helper student.” [I discovered that] I loved math so much that I decided to become an engineer and use my knowledge to help others’ lives be easier and enjoyable. That is how I ended up going to Caltech.
In my senior year through my college counselor, I learned about the Questbridge program that gave full scholarships to top colleges. I won a place at Caltech!
[cut words] My first week of classes at Caltech [fall WHAT year—CSD—ADD more description of the different world of Caltech – WHAT did the campus look like? WHAT were the students like? WE ALL WANT TO KNOW BC CALTECH IS A FAMOUS SCHOOL! Your readers are interested to know what CalTech was like! Show positive parts of being at Caltech and then – move to contrasting negative emotions about the WORK at Caltech.]
However, I felt this incredible heavy feeling in my heart. My classes were extremely challenging, the mathematics I once used to love no longer lighted up my heart but instead sank it. This was not regular math but it was real analysis math, math where you no longer use numbers, only theorems and proofs. [GIVE a short example of a problem you had to solve OR Give the name of a math class you were taking] I was never used to this. I felt so behind and I was.
Homework will take me about 3 days while others took less. I was always comparing myself to others because we were encouraged to do so. [WHAT was said by the professors? OR WHAT made you feel this competition – CSD] We were only allowed to check answers with each other if both students finish all the homework independently so because I was always behind I was never able to double check or discuss my answers with others, it was the most painful feeling because despite there only being 5 problems on a piece of sheet, I would just be there staring at an empty paper trying to figure out how to solve it, thinking in my head over and over and over again thinking and thinking and that paper will still be empty, that is what I call real madness.
This feeling never ended, it was no longer just math, it was every single class. [WHAT classes did you take?] Days passed by and I was still there inside my room, fill with nothing but papers from lectures, written formulas on my walls to memorize, multiple to-do list of my next assignments, [GREAT CSD!] seating there in my desk, trying and trying and trying so hard to the point my brain was blank, to the point that I started wondering, what exactly am I doing? How long do I need to keep this going? Is this worth it?
A scene of a particular painful class or test or something that you failed?
My life was vanishing before my eyes, and I was still there staring at an empty page. At the end of that semester I decided to leave. To leave to live. I wanted to be someone, and that someone is myself back at the beginning of high school. That one whose heart lit up when mathematics problems came and with it people who needed me came to me.
ARE THERE SOME EVENTS here that helped you to make this hard decision to leave a famous school like CalTech?
Convo with good classmate or friend?
Convo with prof?
What events moved you from feeling depressed at Caltech to making the break to leave?
Now, I want to make a change in the world. I know there is so much potential inside me, and not to say it in a self-adoring way but rather in a hopeful way. I know I can make such a big impact in this world, my goal now is to be someone whose people can say, if she did it, so can I. That is why today I am here at City Tech, trying a different environment, in an attempt to make my life like mathematics, not easier, but rather more enjoyable and helpful to myself and others around the world.
Excellent seed of a story – good beginning. NOW — Make an outline of specific events that move your story forward.
What is your story’s MI Main Idea? Is it — Being at Caltech and then dropping out and feeling good about being at CUNY. Is it how your educational journey has been like a math problem to solve with the answer still waiting to be found???