“Anthony you’re smart but if you don’t control your emotions what you have to say will not matter.”
My middle school history teacher said this to me after I had heated argument with someone in my class resulting in me yelling at the top of my lungs. At that point in my life I was triggered to anger easily this wasn’t the first time a situation like this occurred. However this was the first time I was pulled aside and spoken to instead of being reprimanded in front of the whole class. Those words still stick with me today and are a vital part of the kind of person I am, though I didn’t apply this immediately it was gradually engraved in me. I was no longer as short tempered as I used to be I became a composed individual. Since the beginning of high school I can count on one hand the amount of times I’ve expressed unwanted bursts of anger.
Using my teachers words I’ve developed a strategy in order to hide the fact that something has effected me. I’ve found that laughing helps, unlike the cliche “laughing away the pain”, I laugh at the people trying to get a rise out of me. I find something, anything to laugh at and if I can’t find anything I fake it. This usually begets the opposite, a rise out of them. Since doing this I began to even sometimes smile in uncomfortable situations. My goal after speaking to Mr. Mcfarlane was not to “suppress my emotions” or become a phlegmatic person, since I feel a person without emotions isn’t a person at all, I simply don’t want to give others the knowledge that their words or actions can have power over my emotions.
Anthony, you write well! Your vocabulary is well-developed. This is very interesting quote from a teacher. I enjoyed reading this and I smiled thinking about you as I read along. I definitely can see that you are a composed person. You must have made a huge change in your classroom persona. This seems mature to be able to change. How old were you? How did you make this change when you were young like this? It sounds like you were once a volatile child in school. I wonder, now do you sometimes feel you are hiding your real self? I have a lot of questions, so you have to fill in the details!
You have the beginning of good scene that could start a larger essay.
Now going forward with this piece, think about creating a scene and making theater of the mind for you reader. Then your writing will come alive.
Can you try to liven this up by creating a scene with descriptions of who what where why, THINK the 5 W’s. Give the details: “I had heated argument with someone in my class [WHEN? WHAT grade or WHAT age exactly?] resulting in me yelling at the top of my lungs [WHO? WHAT did the student say to you? HOW did this happen?]. . . . and then go on to show me also “the first time I was pulled aside and spoken to instead of being reprimanded.” Put this middle school teacher’s name up front when you start the scene — was it Mr. McFarlane?
Then –
Using my teachers words I’ve developed a strategy in order to hide the fact that something has effected me. I’ve found that laughing helps, unlike the cliche “laughing away the pain”, I laugh at the people trying to get a rise out of me. [Show me a time you used this laughing technique. Where? When? What was the situation – CSD – Concrete Specific Details needed!] I find something, anything to laugh at and if I can’t find anything I fake it. This usually begets the opposite, a rise out of them. Since doing this I began to even sometimes smile in uncomfortable situations [This all sounds very interesting, but you are only TELLING me. Instead I need to SHOW me! Can you show one of these situations? When What Where When di dyou get “a rise out of” someone you were arguing with? Did this happen in school? Somewhere else?].
You have sparked my interest in finding out about your change from what sounds like a volatile child to a mature young man who can control himself and not let others get the better of him. Have these words, the quote from Mr McFarlane helped you in the school environment? Have these words echoed in your mind in other school situations? Do you feel you have been able to learn better and develop your intelligence more fully because you able to keep your cool in school? Has this strategy helped you participate in classroom discussions? To be a debater?
Can you give some examples, tell a story of how these words made you change. Remember we are headed toward writing a narrative, so think about how to tell your story in an interesting way.
And – like Mr. McFarlane, I also think you are a smart young man! I would love you to speak out more in class discussions. I am sure you have good insights to share.