Working outline:
- Intro – What happened to make me believe i was failing
- How i decided to go about it and let it shape me into someone i believed i was
- How i overcome it and let the situation push me to believe in myself and apply myself into more than just school
During middle school there were many times when i had to overcome someone’s mistaken perception of my ability and it made things very difficult for me. In the 7th and 8th grade i struggled with math, it was the hardest subject for me and i was made to feel like i was dull-witted by my 8th grade teacher Ms.T left me feeling very discouraged in that class. i remember walking into the class room sitting down waiting for the test wed taken to be handed out. I knew i struggled with math but i believed i at least got a passing grade and tried my hardest until she came and stood beside me and handed me a folded piece of my test paper and looked at me from the corner of her eye as she walked away. I listened to half of the students that she directed all her time into loudly discussed how “easy” the test was and how high their grades were as i just sat there in disbelief believing i was dumb. I struggled a lot with passing my math class and even thought i wouldn’t be able to graduate while all my friends would every time she’d come around and showed us our grade letting me know how close i was to failing. I began to to slowly lose my lack of motivation to even apply myself to anything in that class because of the lack of help i had and because i believed i was so dull-witted over it i just gave up and stopped trying altogether.
This experience left me feeling incapable when it came to that and i developed a fixed mindset on the subject all the way into high school. I never put much effort into coming up with a solution to help myself and trying to become better until my junior year in high school.When it came time to start talking about college and careers i had a talk with my guidance counselor who helped me see that if i didn’t apply myself how would i get any better and it was time to start taking school seriously because soon it would lead to something way more. I took everything else serious because of that because i was good at it so i applied less of myself when it came down to math and believing it was something i was always gonna be bad at and such a failure when it came to that because of my experience but since then I’ve slowly started applying myself , to prove something to myself that i wasn’t dumb or a failure been trying and taking step that will help like tutoring or even just having the teacher help me 1 on 1 which is a big thing for me because i hate to ask for help. I still suck at math but I’ve gotten better hen i chose to actually applying myself instead of believing that because i couldn’t do it or it was hard i just shouldn’t try and it has helped my school performance drastically not only in just that but has taught me to just never give up and always apply myself in anything not just with school and just to always believe i have the potential to do something despite what others make think or because of how they view me.
You show your emotion very well and explain how later in time it affected you but you were able to overcome it. I believe if you could just break up your paragraphs so they aren’t so long and expand on some scenes with dialogue it will be a very good topic for your essay.
Hi Nyazia, You should break down the big paragraphs into separate, smaller paragraphs when you introduce a new topic. Go into detail about how it was the hardest subject for you. Maybe give a scene of the teacher and the class talking about how easy the test was. Give more descriptions so I can visualize what happened. This is a very good story, but it could be even better with descriptive language and scenes.
Nyazia
1. Capitalize “I” because you Nyazia are important!
2. Avoid long blocks of text. Make paragraph breaks.
3. Find places that make a good scene and create THEATRE OF THE MIND. Make your writing come alive!
Ideas for a few scenes:
I Start / Open your essay with the SCENE OF middle school 7 or 8th grade math class; teacher walking and handing out tests; conversation you heard of other students saying easy.
II Then SCENE of high school and the continuation of your math difficulties; SHOW me your mixed mindset and your lack of motivation; What did you do or not do? SHOW ME!
III Then SCENE of talk with guidance counselor; Dialogue / conversation with counselor.
During middle school there were many times when i had to overcome someone’s mistaken perception of my ability and it made things very difficult for me. In the 7th and 8th grade i struggled with math, it was the hardest subject for me and i was made to feel like i was dull-witted by my 8th grade teacher Ms.T left me feeling very discouraged in that class.
[START HERE and CREATE A SCENE] — i remember walking into the class room [7th grade geometry? 8th grade algebra? WHAT class? WHAT grade?] sitting down waiting for the test wed taken to be handed out. I knew i struggled with math but i believed i at least got a passing grade and tried my hardest until [Ms. T] she came and stood beside me and handed me a folded piece of my test paper and looked at me from the corner of her eye as she walked away. [SHOW ME THIS DIALOGUE CONVERSATION THAT YOU LISTENED TO – WHO said, “Aw that was easy!” ] I listened to half of the students that she directed all her time into loudly discussed how “easy” the test was and how high their grades were as i just sat there in disbelief believing i was dumb.
[NEW PAR] I struggled a lot with passing my math class and even thought i wouldn’t be able to graduate while all my friends would every time she’d come around and showed us our grade letting me know how close i was to failing. I began to to slowly lose my lack of motivation to even apply myself [WHAT actions did you do that show lack of motivation? Details] to anything in that class because of the lack of help i had and because i believed i was so dull-witted over it i just gave up and stopped trying altogether.
This defeatist attitude continued through high school. CAN YOU SHOW ME A SCENE IN HIGH SCHOOL with your fixed mind set actiosn or thoughts and with your lack of motivation behavior – Reach back into you memory for a high school time that SHOWS you with lack of motivation and fixed mindset]
This experience left me feeling incapable when it came to that and i developed a fixed mindset on the subject all the way into high school [WHAT fixed-mindset-thoughts went through your head? SHOW ME INNER DIALOGUE]. I never put much effort into coming up with a solution to help myself and trying to become better until my junior year in high school.When it came time to start talking about college and careers
[NEW PAR] i had a talk with my guidance counselor who helped me see that if i didn’t apply myself how would i get any better and it was time to start taking school seriously because soon it would lead to something way more. I took everything else serious because of that because i was good at it so i applied less of myself when it came down to math and believing it was something i was always gonna be bad at and such a failure when it came to that because of my experience but since then I’ve slowly started applying myself , to prove something to myself that i wasn’t dumb or a failure been trying and taking step that will help like tutoring or even just having the teacher help me 1 on 1 which is a big thing for me because i hate to ask for help. I still suck at math but I’ve gotten better hen i chose to actually applying myself instead of believing that because i couldn’t do it or it was hard i just shouldn’t try and it has helped my school performance drastically not only in just that but has taught me to just never give up and always apply myself in anything not just with school and just to always believe i have the potential to do something despite what others make think or because of how they view me.
Possible title: Math Trauma to Triumph!
Your writing is much better here in this HW. What did you do to improve? Keep it up!