I. Intro Talk about how I fractured my foot
II. How my brother helped me
III. How I dealt with school.
IV. What it taught me
V. How I overcame and grew.
Resilience
December 1st 2021. I was feeling great. Holidays are coming up. Winter break. The new year. It was a great warm morning. Not a very cold day for December. I was a junior in high school. Something I loved in high school was being able to barely show up to class and still have good grades. I would skip class usually towards the end of the week if I had nothing important to do. On December 1st I left school after 4th period (10:38 am). It was a beautiful day. My friends all have mopeds so that’s how I usually got around.
We went to my friend’s house on this day. We were all just hanging out in his living room. Playing 2K on the PS5. I started to feel pretty hungry so I asked one of my friends who I was sitting next to if I was able to take his moped to the deli. As I was leaving my friend’s house I had to walk through the kitchen which is where my other friend was whose house we were in. Right as I’m about to go he asks “hey where ya goin” I replied with “I’m taking the moped to the deli I’ll be back” his response was “ OOO OOO I wanna come ride the moped.” It was strange my friend wanted to ride the moped so badly that he would leave his house while he had people over. But I didn’t think much of it. I waited for him to get ready and we left.
I also kinda wanted to ride the moped so I drove us to the deli and he was going to drive us back. I remember getting a peach Snapple and my favorite chips called stix. As I was putting my stuff under the seat of the moped my friend was telling me how he was about to go crazy on the moped on the way back. The moped was 50cc. It’s so slow you don’t even need a license for it. So again I didn’t think much of what my friend was saying and just went along with it. I remember having a weird feeling getting on the back of the moped as we left. My friend took a turn down a different block on the way back. I’m guessing he just wanted to ride the moped more. I remember still not thinking much of it. I was just looking up at the sky. As we were going down this block we probably barely topped out at 30mph. As we were mid block I started feeling the moped going side to side like we were wobbling. Then out of nowhere we slid down to the right side of the moped and both fell off. The moped ended up sliding under a parked USPS truck and everything flew out of it. As I was getting up the sun seemed very bright all of a sudden. I felt my foot was out of place and looked crooked to the right side. Out Of instinct I pressed down to the ground with my foot and turned my body and I felt my foot crack back into place. This gave me a small shot of relief. I thought I was going to be fine. As I walked off the street I went to sit down on these white steps in front of a random house on the block. As my friend called the owner of the moped to tell him what happened I remember just sitting there zoned out. I was still processing what happened. As I stared into my favorite chips all over the street I had millions of thoughts running through my mind. How did this happen? The moped is so slow, the street is so nice and flat, we were going in a straight line. What is with my foot, did I break a bone?
Hi Savion, this is a good section to your narrative. It’s unfortunate that you had to pass through such event due to someone else’s disregard. In your section you included dialogue and descriptive details. However, I think you should incorporate more of the dialogue occurring during the scene before the accident (if there was some conversation) and also include more descriptive detail on how the mopped went down. You can use a simile to describe the scene. The usage of hyperbole can also be incorporated into your writing. Think about how the scene occurred from a bystander. Hope this helps.
I liked the way you included the other details of what else happened in the day. Your story was very interesting. Hopefully I can will enjoy the full essay when you write it.
I am not sure how this translates into an Education Narrative. So far it’s a description of your MoPed accident. Ok — so what happens after this? Do you have to miss days of school because of an operation? I see points in your outline that suggest this story will lead to problems at school and how your brother helped you. So that would be more of the main part of the story.
I would make this mo-ped scene more more concise. You need to get to the part about school and the effect of having a broken foot on your school life?
Was the 2022 school spring term a hard year because of your foot? Is this the focus of this essay?
Look back at all your HW writings on these prompts. Which one would make the best story and the best story about your educational life?