Outline-
I- 1. Introduce my parents and how they only know Spanish. 2. State how I only knew Spanish until I started school. 3. Talk about learning to fully understand English and Spanish in order to translate between the two.
II- Talk about parent teacher conferences as I grew older. Talk about my teachers only knowing English and having to rely on me to help my parents communicate with them.
III- Talk about growing up and not being able to ask my parents for help in school since they never reached high school.
IV- Show how I wasn’t allowed to be shy and how having to translate all the time became the norm for me. Talk about how my family depends on me to help them with almost everything.Bring up times that I would have to go to appointments for my parents and talk to surgeons for my father.
V- Speak on how all of those occurrences have led to where i’m at today and pay tribute towards my family for pushing me out of my comfort zone.
A Seed In The Desert
November 4th,2020. This was the day that my dad had to get his surgery done. My father had been previously in a car accident and had to go through a lot of paperwork as well as appointments while not knowing English. A couple days after his accident he had asked me, “Dessire, puedes ir conmigo para el hospital ? Sé que tienes escuela pero no tengo a nadie más”. Hesitantly, I agreed. I knew that my mother already had so much on her plate so I didn’t want to add it onto the list. By 4 a.m my father and I headed up to a hospital near Long Beach. It was still dark out and the winds grew strong by the minute. Once we arrived my father had asked me to speak to the front desk. “Hello, my father is here for his scheduled surgery, his name is Danny Perez” , I said .
“Right this way” they proceeded with. In my head I had been worrying how I would be able to get my school work done and join zoom calls, all while having to attend to my father. Little did I know that this was my forever.
I hadn’t really given all the asking from my parents much mind since I had spent most of my days at school. I would go to school, come back home , do homework, help my parents, eat, sleep and repeat. After COVID began, that all changed. I had to learn how to multitask without getting overwhelmed. My school and personal life morphed into one. There was no separating the two since they had often mixed . I began to question, “Am I going to be enough to get through all of this ?”.
You do a good job with TIMELINE! You give me clear time-markers so I get a clear picture of the chronology of the events in your story.
Your outline is very good.
Work on:
1. Paragraph Breaks – Avoid long blocks of text!
2. Timeline
3. Choose a few places that would make good scenes
4. Include some places where Dialogue creates Theatre of the Mind.
5. THINK THE 5W’s.
6. THINK CSD concrete specific details.
A Seed in the Desert (are you the seed in a desert? Meaning you are the source of life for your family? Or for your own future?)
Both of my parents come from the Dominican Republic and don’t know English. From the moment that I was born, I grew up learning only Spanish. For the first couple of years of my life I had always had people speak to me in Spanish; “Dessire adonde estas !”,”Dessire para adonde vas”, “Dessire venga aqui, que te necesito.”
By the time that school had started [WHAT grade?] I had been quite confused. At home I would speak one language, while at school another. [Maybe ADD sentence: I felt like I was living between two different worlds.] Luckily for me I had older cousins in my exact position. As the days passed, the two languages became one. I remember how my cousins, Ashley and Arlyn, would go over the letter of the alphabet and create words with me in English.
“Dessire, what letter is this?” Ashley would say in a caring voice.
“H?! The letter is H!” I said excitedly.
“That’s correct! now use that letter in a word,” Arlyn followed with.
“Home… I want to stay home all day.”
Slowly but surely, I had learned how to communicate with my teachers as well and continuously adapted to my environment. Years went by and my English had grown to be significantly better. It was 5th grade, 2016, November 3rd. A parent teacher conference was happening tonight. I had transferred schools by this time and none of my teachers spoke Spanish. 3 P.M rolled around, and we had already signed the attendance sheet at the front desk of my classroom. My brother had also been enrolled at my school, so I knew I would have to speak to my mother there too. I had always been a shy girl and the thought of speaking up gave me anxiety. (CONTINUE HERE — YES more! CLARIFY: Did you have to act as interpreter for your mom at your own parent-teacher conference? Also for your brother’s conference?).
School and Home Life Morphed Into One (I suggest a possible subtitle like chapter)
November 4th,2020. This was the day that my dad had to get his surgery done. My father had been previously in a car accident and had to go through a lot of paperwork as well as [medical] appointments while not knowing English. A couple of days after his accident he had asked me, “Dessire, puedes ir conmigo para el hospital? Sé que tienes escuela pero no tengo a nadie más”. [GIVE THE ENGLISH TRANSLATION]
Hesitantly, I agreed. I knew that my mother already had so much on her plate [DELETE – “so I did not want to add it”]. By 4 a.m. my father and I headed up to a hospital near Long Beach [Is this Long Beach California?]. It was still dark out and the winds grew strong by the minute. [Describe trees swaying, difficult drive to hospital?] Once we arrived my father had asked me to speak to the front desk.
“Hello, my father is here for his scheduled surgery, his name is Danny Perez”, I said.
“Right this way” the receptionist said, with a calm tone.
[CREATE more of a SCENE here — WHERE are you – walking down the hospital halls, in the surgery waiting room? — AND SHOW me the tension – WAS there a math zoom class at this very minute? WHAT class were you missing? CREATE THEATRE OF THE MIND for your reader!]
In my head I had been constipating [WRONG WORD!] worrying, “How am I going to get my math work done and join the Mr. X’s math class on zoom?” All the while, I knew I had to also attend to my father [in the surgery ward. ]
Little did I know that this was [to become] my forever. [GOOD PHRASE]
I had not really given all the asking [requests – better word] from my parents much mind since previously, I had spent most of my days at school. I would go to school, come back home, do homework, help my parents, eat, sleep and repeat. After COVID began, that all changed. I had to learn how to multitask without getting overwhelmed. My school and personal life morphed into one. There was no separating the two since they had often mixed. I began to question, “Am I going to be enough to get through all of this?”
OK – NOW how will you continue?
Juggling School and Family (I suggest another possible subtitle)
HOW did you handle this added family responsibility? What steps did you take to keep yourself on track with school? You eventually graduated high school and you are here at City Tech. How did you keep going and triumph during the year of pandemic school? Is there a scene from your memory that best SHOWS you keeping both school and family moving forward during co-vid?
V. WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED AND HOW HAVE YOU GROWN?
This is absolutely a story of resilience! SHOW me your amazing reslience.