“Look at them. Look at Kevin’s sons. One of them is a doctor and the other 2 have their own company. I want you to study and work hard and be just like them.” This specific day my dad loves to bring up other people and specifically Kevin’s sons. Kevin is my dad’s best friend he knew for years. And took care of them when they were kids. The thing is, he would always bring them up and their accomplishments as motivation so I can keep studying. Ever since that day, I learned what it feels like to compare yourself to others. Started back in the 4th grade. I also dedicated myself to try to impress him and make him feel like he has a special son. Grade after grade learning what it is that he likes and what will make him really see me. I played sports, improved academically and became the popular social positive person a human being can meet. Somehow there was always something missing. After being stuck in a mad mental state cycle. I started working out and started to learn about nutrition and diet plans and training other people as well as myself. So on I also got a body that most people admire. I often get compliments from adults about how much they admire my mindset at such an early age. They meet people with the name Angel and they are the opposite of their name. I’m the only angel that acts like an “Angel”. All the Compliments across the years, never satisfied unless it came from my father. The truth is my dad is a hard worker. Extremely hard worker. I get my inspiration from him too. But for that same reason, it might be the death of him one day.
The reason this is also important to me is because it hurts to know I can lose him any moment without accomplishing anything he wanted me to be. I’ve helped even people online all around the world and inspired so many. With the help of tik tok and instagram, I was able to get messages out there that many needed to hear. Sometimes I feel like I’m talking about a big game but I’m really just pathetic. You’d be surprised after all that I’ve gone through, all the accomplishments I’ve gotten, I ask myself. Will I ever be like Kevin’s sons? Or will I become better than them? Regardless if I’ll be what we call “better” than someone, my main mission is to make sure my father sees the son he wanted.
I grew up with an older brother who is 12 years older then me, Being compared to him was a daily for me. “oh your brother did this at your age oh your brother did that” its like I’m the same person. But I’ve learned to take this and use it as motivation to also become successful like he did in my own unique way.
I too know what it feels like to have someone have high expectations for you. In my family it’s always a competition whether you liked it or not; you’re always gonna be compared. Just know that you don’t have to constantly worry if you are enough for someone, if you’re happy and feel enough for yourself then that’s all that matters .
I like the fact that you elaborated on how you really felt about the quote you chose. I know almost everyone tries to go above and beyond to make their parents proud of them and your story really stuck out to me. To me, I think it’s pretty cool being able to have multiple skills and balancing the athletic and academic life. After hearing your story, I believe you already have proven to your father that you are successful since you made it this far. Being socially active, multi-skilled, and generally being a good person can open new doors for you. I hope you’re able to accomplish your goal and hope that your personality takes you a long way.
This stuck out to me because my mom would do the same thing with other people’s kids. I never understood the point because it just made me feel like I wasn’t doing enough when I was really trying. I like the way you deeply talked about the effect the quote has on you. You also talked about your dad working too hard, my dad also works a lot but I understand he is just trying to prove for the family.
This is hard on you. As a parent I can only say that sometimes we do not know how to be parents and we are just trying our best. I am sure your dad only wants to motivate you even though he may not realize it’s defeating you to hear constantly this comparison.
NOW going foward with this — How would this be part of your educational journey? Does it work into your story about going for the Adv Regents Diploma? What is the exact name of this diploma? See my question on your other HW.
I would love to see some of the on-line content on mental health and motivation and working out that you have created.
WORK ON PARAGRAPH BREAKS — avoid long blocks of text!