“All of your cousins are relatively successful except for x.y.z. “
In my family if you weren’t at the top , then you’re looked down upon. There’s always been this pressure of having to be the best, do your best, and be better than the rest. Gossip flows through my family tree as fast as electrical currents; Before you know it, everyone knows your business. Since I have many older cousins, they’ve been the people that I look up to. They’ve been through all the judgement from our family and truly do understand me better than my own parents.
As I grew older, year after year, I would come to understand just how judgmental my family truly is. Every single little thing is criticized and harsh comments spread like a disease. According to many , I have always been pretty mature for my age. My jarring reality had then finally come into focus. After that, I’ve always had the urge to prove myself; To truly show that I can be great. I don’t want to be the one that my family talks negatively about. I don’t want to be just another disappointment, I want my family to be proud of me. I just want to be enough.
I’m the second youngest one in my family and my older cousins are also one of the few I look up to. All of us have been pretty close starting at a young age so it practically felt like we’re all siblings. So I know they got my back no matter what. And you are enough, don’t ever think you’re not enough.
“There’s always been this pressure of having to be the best.” This from you hit me deep. That’s exactly how I feel. My parents lost hope in my brother and my sister because they don’t like school. But i’m the only one still here and progressing farther then them to.The only thing that comes to mind is, what if I mess up?
I totally understand because i’ve also experienced that. That’s something very difficult to live with because standers are set so high and you constantly feel pressured to act or do certain things a certain way. Things like that make you question yourself and always doubt yourself. But just know you will always be enough!