“You are one of the strongest women i’ve ever met and your patience and loving personality that you show me, is you Belinda. Be proud of yourself and you mean a lot to me… you got me through hella shi*t.”
Hearing this statement from someone I looked up to, someone I go to whenever I needed help and someone who’s been my older brother I never had, made me want to cry. Growing up, I always felt like I was a burden to everyone, I always felt like I wasn’t enough. I’ve never really received compliments about me from my parents when I was little. Growing up in an Asian household made it more difficult because I was constantly being compared to my cousins or other students in school. “Why can’t you be more like your cousin?” “The other kids get better grades and look at you. Why can’t you get better grades?” “Can’t you be helpful for once. You can’t even do a simple thing?” “Your cousin does everything for her mom, she helps her out. Why can’t you do the same? You’re useless.” So hearing all the comparison comments growing up, I genuinely believe that I wasn’t good enough and developed even more of a low self-esteem. I just keep thinking grades define who you are as a person and grades are all that matters.Â
However, when I entered middle school, I tried not to let the negative comments from my family affect me. I surrounded myself with caring and amazing friends throughout middle school to high school. High school was when I met the person I looked up to. I was a freshman and he was a junior. He reached out to me on Instagram back in 2021, gave me advice, validated my feelings about what I went through where I got sexually assaulted and told me how I should carry a self-defense tool because being a girl on the street alone is dangerous. Of course, he wasn’t the only person that I looked up to but him telling me that kinda hits home because I feel like it lifted my self-esteem and feel like maybe I’m not so bad of a person after all. I realized that there’s more to it than just your grades. Grades don’t define who you are. It doesn’t define your worth. What defines you is what you are as a person and how you treat others.
I’m sorry you had to go through that, nobody should have to be compared to their family members. I hope as you grow older and maybe start a family that you will teach your kids the same lesson from that someone you look up to.
Belinda — I am looking backwards and here in this HW I do see a part that sounds like it could be the seed of your Education Narrative.
You write: Growing up, I always felt like I was a burden to everyone, I always felt like I wasn’t enough. I’ve never really received compliments about me from my parents when I was little. Growing up in an Asian household made it more difficult because I was constantly being compared to my cousins or other students in school. “Why can’t you be more like your cousin?” “The other kids get better grades and look at you. Why can’t you get better grades?” “Can’t you be helpful for once. You can’t even do a simple thing?” “Your cousin does everything for her mom, she helps her out. Why can’t you do the same? You’re useless.” So hearing all the comparison comments growing up, I genuinely believe that I wasn’t good enough and developed even more of a low self-esteem. I just keep thinking grades define who you are as a person and grades are all that matters.
OK — this sounds like you could use it to respond to the Writing Task Resilience. Can you look at the Assignment and at this option?
Having parents who compare you to other children in the family is SO hard. I know because being Chinese, I feel that many Chinese parents do this. It’s kind of a cultural trait. Often parents think they are motivating the son or daughter, but in fact it hurts to be always compared to someone “better” in the family. It’s often about academic performance because Asians value education so so highly. There can be a negative side to this, as you have experienced. Is this something you would like to examine and write about? Is this a parenting- or family- atittude that you have had to deal with? How have you handled this? How have you stayed resililent?
You need to choose places where you can create a scene.
Can you reach back into your memory to a time when your parents said one of these hurtful comments to you —
“Why can’t you be more like your cousin?” “The other kids get better grades and look at you. Why can’t you get better grades?” “Can’t you be helpful for once. You can’t even do a simple thing?” “Your cousin does everything for her mom, she helps her out. Why can’t you do the same? You’re useless.”
and create a scene with dialogue?
I am not sure how the mentor quote from the friend (name details?) connects to the parenting problem you write about. It sounds like a different story, different topic.