I was a shallow person and a bad student, I wanted to change my life for the better. So I began to look for after school clubs, this was a long and hard process, that took hours of research to find. After hours of head acing reading and research I finally decided on what club I wanted to join. The tech club!!!!! The tech club was for students to become tech experts. I spent every waking moment after school in the IT room with my other club members. We spent countless hours learning about various tech related resources and programs. This exciting new information amazed me and I wanted to know more, so after school I would get all my homework done so that I was able to spend more time in tech club.
At the time I didn’t notice how much the tech club had helped me. The club pushed me to become a better student. I began to see improvements in all my classes. It opened my passion for tech, and it showed me my future college major. Teachers pulled me aside multiple times and asked what changed and if it was able to help other students as well. I remember going red in the face from the pure excitement. After my four years were up I was able to became the best tech student the school had to offer. Â
I like the way you said that the tech club saved your your carrer and you still want to presure that even collage.
I like the way you said that the tech club saved your your carrer and you still want to presure that even in collage.
THis is good and potentially can be a good story! Good effort, Jason!
Now SHOW me more instead of just teliing me. Create THeatre of the MInd for you r reader.
Were you in class for that discussion? Work on creating TWO extended scenes with dialogue.
ALSO THINK Timeline and Outline : WHat events, memorable times, or scenes, will you use show your progress from lost student to tech genius student?
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I was a shallow person [Details needed — Explain — shallow in what way] and a bad [in what way] student, I wanted to change my life for the better. So I began to look for after school clubs, this was a long and hard process, that took hours of research to find. After hours of head acing reading and research I finally decided on what club I wanted to join. The tech club!!!!! The tech club was for students to become tech experts. I spent every waking moment after school in the IT room with my other club members. We spent countless hours learning about various tech related resources and programs. This exciting new information amazed me and I wanted to know more, so after school I would get all my homework done so that I was able to spend more time in tech club. [Describe with more detail. Think of one scene or memory that is best example of exciting things you were learning in tech club.]
At the time I didn’t notice how much the tech club had helped me. The club pushed me to become a better student. I began to see improvements in all my classes. [HERE DEVELOP – SHOW me the steps you were taking to improve. Explain how the tech work translated to better student work. Was there a specific class that posed a challenge?]
[new topic = new paragraph] It [WHAT – Tech Club?] opened my passion for tech, and it showed me my future college major. Teachers pulled me aside multiple times and asked what changed and if it was able to help other students as well. [Can you recall this conversation SHOW me what the teacher said and what you answered. DIALOGUE] I remember going red in the face from the pure excitement. [excellent detail] After my four years were up I was able to became the best tech student the school had to offer. [Did you win a graduation computing award? OR did you become a teaching assistant in a computer class? Give details to prove this “best tech student” status]