There was a period of time when I had to navigate between two worlds when I first went to Puerto Rico. Being Americanized in a foreign country can go one or two ways. The first way would be that they recognize and respect that you’re trying to learn your culture from the roots, or that they see an easy target that they can hassle and play with you because you don’t know your things out there. But in my case, it was very calm, everyone I met was very friendly, my family out there introduced me to many people and their family as well.
So, when I came back to New York I felt different everything was so very different like the people and the food the Sneary and lots more so when I came back, I felt as if people started treating me differently because when I was in Puerto Rico everyone was family and everyone were happy. So, I didn’t feel as if I was supposed to be here but what could I do leave and live in Puerto Rico when everything I know, and love is here house family and friends. So, I didn’t know what to do why I was feeling like this but then it hit me. This is just my home right here in New York with my family friend’s school. Everything I love to do is here and as for Puerto Rico it’s the best vacation home I could ask for
Joshua PLEASE GET THIS OUT OF THE SUMMARY BOX! This is the second time you have done this! I talked about this problem in class, were you there? DO NOT TYPE in the summary box. You are NOT writing a summary!
No grade or comment until you fix this.
OK — Good. We can work with this!
AIm to replace vague phrases with more specific language. THink Details, SIghts, SOunds, VIsion. THink Dialogue. I want to hear what people said. I want to see what you saw, smell the food that was sneary [scary? typo?]. SHOW ME, don’t just tell me.
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There was a period of time when I had to navigate between two worlds when I first went to Puerto Rico. Being Americanized in a foreign country can go one or two ways. The first way would be that they recognize and respect that you’re trying to learn your culture from the roots, or that they see an easy target that they can hassle and play with you because you don’t know your things out there. But in my case, it was very calm, everyone I met was very friendly, my family out there introduced me to many people and their family as well. [Good place for a scene: can you describe one of these get-togethers in PR? And show me how this gathering of family is an example of recognition and respect towards your American cutlure OR this gathering was a way to “play you.” What was the convo like? What did the relatives say to you? And your replies? WHAT did you do with them — play soccer together, go to a bar with them. What was the scene that make you feel the friendly atmosphere. DESCRIBE!]
So, when I came back to New York I felt different everything was so very different like the people and the food the Sneary [huh? DMS] and lots more so when I came back [SHOW ME with description sight, sound, smell, vision — explain the “lots more” — WHAT was this scene back in NYC when you returned? Describe the “everything” that was “different”. ] I felt as if people started treating me differently because when I was in Puerto Rico everyone was family and everyone were happy. So, I didn’t feel as if I was supposed to be here but what could I do leave and live in Puerto Rico when everything I know, and love is here house family and friends. [agree super confusing feeling]
[new topic = new paragraph] So, I didn’t know what to do why I was feeling like this but then it hit me. This is just my home right here in New York with my family friend’s school. [THis is a good movement to connect to the school theme which is usally part of the Education Narrative — Will you plan to show me why you say “family friend’s school here”? Was this the NYC school you attended where you had family friends who also attended? How did it feel like “home”? Was the school the place that made you realize American is home? Is this what you realized? SHOW me a scene or event, choose the best scene/event from your memory of how this school felt like home. GIve a scene with description and show how you felt at home at this school.]
Everything I love to do is here and as for Puerto Rico it’s the best vacation home [suggestion: island] I could ask for [good way to conclude!]
THINK: Outline — What will be the main events that move your story, your narrative, forward? LIke we did for Colin Powell My American Journey.