“Joshua if you don’t do your homework/classwork you will never be anything/have anything in life. Not everything is going to be handed to you on a silver plate”.
Those words haunt me to this day. How can you say something like this to a kid, A teenager trying to figure out life itself, someone whose life id just beginning The way I see it society makes anyone who doesn’t finish school an outcast. When that’s not the case I’ve seen people who didn’t finish school being very successful in life making hundreds of thousands of dollars per year as an annual salary. My teacher Mr.Krieger the only high school math teacher who can be so mean and cold hearted called me out of class while I was trying to get the work done quietly closed the door behind him but kept it cracked so he can hear if the kids inside are doing their work. Then he told me “you will never be anything if I don’t do my work”. So I took that and made it my motivation to prove him and anyone else who thought less of me and prove them all wrong. So I pushed myself to find a job nothing crazy but something I can do in the comfort of myself and my own space; because I work better when its just me and myself and so I did I became a delivery boy for a small pizzeria by my house I was making fifteen dollars a Hour and started to save every penny I made didn’t spend money on anything I didn’t need because my goal was much bigger than anything I’ve ever bought or could ask for. Then it happened after 4 of just saving I bought my very first car. A 2009 Nissan Altima not the newest car but something that’s mine I decided to get that car because it was very affordable and it drove better than I better than most old car had under than 70,000 miles on it and for the year I thought it was great. I drove to school everyday and became well known as the “kid who drives to school” but that’s not where it ended I got more and more money hungry. So I used some more of that’s anger I had building up inside me and kept saving within 2 ½ months I bought my very own motorcycle. I was so happy and proud I didn’t have tp ask my mom or grandmother for a dime and I felt so accomplished. His words were no longer bringing me down but they were motivating me to do better in not only to buy the things I wanted but to get the grades I wanted also. You would think he’s saying it to push you and that exactly what happened, but that’s where you would be wrong.
When he would see me in my car or even on my motorcycle he would roll his eyes and have this face like he was unimpressed witch didn’t bother me because a few months before senior year ended I had a car, motorcycle, new shoes, new phone, and close to perfect grades to show when ready. You would think the bath and forth between a teach and student would stop their the years coming to an end and the magic words came out if Mr.Krieger’s mouth “All that and you still not getting into a good college” played under his breath and that’s where I drew the line I had gotten so far proving this man wrong. How can I do this not do it once again I thought. So I started doing research with my family and even asking my librarian questions comparing schools and I found the one that best fit me and what I decided to do with my life. It was clear that it wasn’t going to be easy but I was determined and with the odds being not in my favor because although I was doing such a fantastic job this year I sorta just goofed off and messed around when it mattered but that’s what immature kids do and that was I. It was time I had cleaned up my act and everything was looking good for me so I felt good i applied to New York college of technology as my first pick and the rest was just backup something to fall on I waited a few months until I got a response. I was feeling down because it was taking so long for the only college I really cared for to turn me down but I was jumping to conclusions they didn’t turn me down not yet at least. So I waited, and one morning I was logging into the Cuny first to check if I got excepted. Once I clicked onto city tech and seen it say accept or decline I grew with cheer and I called everyone in my family to tell them the good news they even threw me a little barbecue a family get together. When I returned to school with the last couple of days approaching I went up to Mr.krieger, and showed him the print out of when I got accepted to the one and only college I really cared for going to. I got to prove hi on wrong in everything I felt better than ever. So when someone is being mean or cold hearted talking down on you and making you fell less of yourself don’t let them win fight back with your actions and ways. Be what they said you couldn’t be.
Nice information about yourself. Good way to be Descriptive on the topic your talking about.Good job on using tone and emotion when explaining what the problem was. Good story on how you were doubted by your teacher but still persevered through it.Good job on being about what happened in the past leading into the present day.
Pls use the correct labellng. YOU NEED TO LOOK BACK AT ANNOUNCEMENTS TO THE DAY THIS HW WAS ANNOUNCED TO SEE HOW TO TITLE AND CATEGORY.
You have wrongly typed into the Summary Box. I fixed it here for you, but I cannot fix/edit for you.
You need paragraph breaks. The HW asks for TWO paragraphs.
No grade until this is re-done.
We are in Week 5; i expect students to know how to post correctly and to read instructions carefully.
The quote was good Nice information about yourself. Good way to be Descriptive on the topic your talking about.Good job on using tone and emotion when explaining what the problem was
Joshua: Good that you fixed this posting. ONE MORE THING: You type where it says “Type / Choose a Block” and NOT in the summary box.
You need to set up this more concretely. When did Mr. K tell you this? in what grade were you? Were you doing poorly in his class?
You: “The way I see it society makes anyone who doesn’t finish school an outcast. When that’s not the case I’ve seen people who didn’t finish school being very successful in life making hundreds of thousands of dollars per year as an annual salary.” Good use of the word outcast. So what is your philos0phy? It sounds like you admire people who did not take the school route. So why are you taking that route? Your passage sounds contradictory.
This is an uplifting. Mr. K’s negative words really motivated you in the work world. The way you write , it soundss like he didn’t believe in you; is that what you felt? So why was this teacher’s words so meaningful and stuck in your memory?
I like the details of everything you were able to buy yourself — Amazing! What did you learn about yourself from taking on those jobs? from being able to buy yourself big things? How was the jobs a learning experience?
Now what about the motivation to do better in school work? You: “His words were no longer bringing me down but they were motivating me to do better in not only to buy the things I wanted but to get the grades I wanted also.” SO I what were the steps/strategies you used to improve your grades? Show my the process, the struggle to improve your grades.
Here would be a good place to give me a scene, paint a picture> Could you describe exactly that moment when you got the message that you were in at City Tech. Where were you that morning when you were loggining into CUNY First? What were your inner thoughts? As a writier, you want to create a tone of suspence. If you choose this HW post to build up for your Unit One Education Narrative, this part could be a great scene.
Another scene idea: Show me the moment you showed MR. K your acceptance letter. How did he react? What did he — what did you say? Some dialogue here.
Writing Tip: Work on paragraph breaks. You were asked to write TWO paragraphs, but you write ONE LONG BLOCK OF TEXT. This makes the reader want to turn away! Instead think: New Idea or New Topic = New Paragraph.