As a child my grandparents always told me “strive for the best princess,nobody can ever bring you down”. As well as “positivity is they key to life, always put positive thoughts into the universe”. All my life my mother was a single mother who depended on her parents to help out. “Never expect a man to take care of you, be a successful black woman, never put a man before your family because your family is always there through it all” she would say. As a kid I was the girl who looked up to older brother and admired him for how talented he was even though he was a bully. Till this day he tells me “put god and your family first”. “Make sure you always protect your family no matter what”. In my life god was able to bless me with an amazing bestfriend that has nothing but a positive attitude no matter the situation. Danielle who is my bestfriend is always restating “I know your tired and annoyed with work and school, but make your grandparents and brother proud of you”. “I know that so much had happened in these past two years,  but make make a positive outcome out of it”. My aunt Cameo plays a major part in my life as well. As a became a teenager my aunt always preached “learn to be independent, because a situation can appear at anytime in your life and change everything in a matter of seconds, you need to learn how to adapt”. My boyfriend Ju gives me the best advice. He is so supportive and is always pushing me to want more in life. “Baby girl I want nothing but the best for you, I want you to succeed in anything you do”. With having so much positive people in my life, I know that I will succeed In life and I wouldn’t have been able to grow as a person.

“Success is taken not given” its a must that you “work hard” ,and “study hard.” A “positive mind results in a positive life” and never forget to “have faith” ,and “believe in God” he will show you the right path for success. “Know what you want in life” and make sure to “set goals,” also “never say never” “never give up” and “don’t stop pushing yourself to be the best.” To be successful you must “follow your heart” “believe in yourself” and always “aim for the stars.” “Keep your eyes on the prize” and try to “live love and laugh” it will make it a pleasant journey. “Don’t cry over spilled milk” impossible to “erase your past” so “the past is the past” “never make the same mistake twice.” you know the saying “fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me.” “Don’t worry be happy” success will come “follow your dreams” “try and try again” because “practice makes perfect.” Make sure to “always be polite” and “love each other” it will lead you on the right path for success. “If you want something you have to ask nicely” “talk less and listen more” and “if you cry you get nothing” more importantly “if you say something mean it” “no question is the only bad question” so take all information and eat it up. “Enjoy your life while your young” don’t forget that “blood is thicker than water” and “family over friends” but always remember to “feed your hunger” and then if you “work hard play harder” hopefully I have laid a foundation that you two can follow and supersede in days to come.

As a little girl I was a fan of boy toys. As a kid, I had a deck of Pokemon cards and Yu-Gi-Oh! cards; although boys did not want to play with me, I still insisted to be part of their boy crew. I Once tried to join a girl crew but the girls either thought I was to “boy-ish” or straight up weird. Thats when I finally went to my mom to get some advice…”act like a girl or something, or maybe bring cookies, why not invite them over”; I was hoping for something else like a “don’t listen to them”. As I went on to growing and heading to middle school, I realized that with my friends being a tom boy was the coolest; you had a set of equal male and female friends. My friend told me, ” it’s not to good being girly and it’s not to good being boy-ish you have to be in the middle” . I took my friends word of advice to the heart and still carry it with me, but that carries a conflict between my mother and I. I use to not wear make up, or wear dresses, nor sandals, and most importantly do my nails. And my mom worried that no guy would be interested by the way I act, eat, sit, and dress; my mom would either say ” Gosh!! can you at least put some gloss on your lips, why don’t you sit like a lady, eat slowly and sit straight, at least put your hair up, put on a tight shirt you are always wearing baggy shirts”. The most vexatious part of them all is when I head to my grandmas house I already know where my mother got her nagging and her “advice of being lady like”; my own grandmother tells me the same thing as my mom and how she acted to get guys my age.. how fun.. No one but my mom has ever gotten mad at me for acting “tom boy/ girl”. In high school my style of dressing started to change, I wore some makeup but only because my mom kept rubbing it in my face; but my attitude was and still is the same. My boyfriend tells me he likes who I am and does not judge my personality nor looks and he “fell for me” because of how I embrace my self as a person and does not take anyone’s advice unless its necessary.

Basically everyone in my family always told me “do your best in school. My uncle’s, aunt’s, cousins, grandparents, great grandparents, snd especially my parents. Even my girlfriend has gotten up set with me because of school. Yes i understand its important; but i dont really need everyone everyone to keep on telling me the same thing over and over again. My parents are usually the ones who bug me aboht it the most- well my girlfriend as well- and well basically they tell me what every other parent – who came from another country- tell there kids; ” I didn’t come all the way here just for you to fool around in school”; well that  was usually during the afternoon going towards the night. During the morning it would be  from my girlfriend. She’ll tell me “do your best in class” ” always pay attention” “don’t talk to much” “always do your homework” “never skip class”; but im happy she did. I feel like if it wss for her and my parents telling me o wpuld of never made it to college. They kept me on the right path and i will forever be grateful.

” Know you’re worth” “if he respects you, he wouldn’t make you do that” “school comes first always ” “you’re too young to date” ” focus on school and not guys” “you’ll have time for guys later” ” trust me I’ve been their I know” “be happy it was nothing serious” “better safe than sorry” “should have listened to me” “did he use protection” “guys come and go but family doesn’t” “that’s what they all say” ” you deserve better” “once it’s gone it’s gone forever” “respect yourself” “did you catch feelings for him” “be the bigger person” “god sees everything” “I wish I was like you” “suck it up and don’t complain” “you’re amazing ” “I’ll be there ” ” you’re so close don’t give up” “I believe in you” “thing’s aren’t the same anymore” “you’re a little weird” “off the phone” ” nothing comes easy” “I want you to enjoy your youth” “enjoy being single” “but you need a degree” “you’re beautiful” “you’ll thank me later” “nothing last forever” ” it’s me not you” ” but we can still be friends” “kill them with kindness” “worry about yourself” “he seems different this one” ” guys only want one thing from you” ” they all lie” “they’re all the same” ” focus on school and not guys” ” act like you don’t care” “take things slow” “get to know him first” ” you need to be realistic” ” you won’t be able to do it” “you’ll end up like your sisters” ” you’re different” ” you got this” ” I wanna see you happy” ” watch it be too much to handle” “but you like your freedom too much” ” you’re gonna regret this later watch” .

For this Assignment (which you’ll post under Writing à Girl on Open Lab), you’ll be writing a 250-300 word creative non-fiction piece called a “gender memory collage.” That means you get to put your ideas/memories/whatever about what it means to be a male or a female in any form you want: something like Kincaid’s story, or a story, or a poem, or photo essay with captions… Play with this!

The way to start is to list a whole lot (shoot for 50 or more) of comments, accusations, or words of advice you’ve heard repeatedly, or that are stuck in your head for some reason. Use these prompts to help you generate your list (you don’t have to address every one of these, but the more the better!).

1. Things people have said to you beginning with the phrase, “This is how you…”
2. Advice that employers, teachers, or coaches have given you.
3. Accusations that employers, teachers or coaches have addressed to you.
4. Advice that your parents have given you about the opposite sex, about being successful, about getting along in the world.
5. Advice that your friends have given you about the opposite sex, being successful, or getting along in the world.
6. Advice that your grandparents or some other older person have given you about the opposite sex, being successful, or getting along in the world.
7. Things those closest to you often say when they are angry with you.
8. Things those in authority have told you – think of police, counselors, traffic court judges, doctors, etc.
9. What your grandparents or other older people you’re close to often say to you.
10. Something people say to you that you strongly disagree with.
11. Things a boyfriend or girlfriend told you that caused you a lot of pain.
12. Things a boyfriend or girlfriend told you that caused you good feelings.

Once you’ve done all of this listing, organize them into a “story” of some kind that leaves us with an overall idea about what this means to you. Don’t worry about grammar, etc., but do your best. Just let your creative muscles go crazy!