The second week of this experiment was no different than the first; I found myself facing challenge after challenge. I can say that I did not expect to be facing this amount of loss. It actually feels like I have lost a part of myself. I think that this is exactly what withdrawal feels like, I am anxious, I have urges to constantly sign back on to my social networking sites, I am wondering constantly what is going on and what is it that I am missing out on. I do not know how to deal with this. Social networking sites for me have become a part of me; these sites fill me in instantly, create laughter for me, invoke both empathy and sympathy, bring me closer to friends in far places, and help me to present my best self. It seems as though the first week was easier because I had so many things to do. Now coloring is a task, and less relaxing because I know I am only doing it to replace what I really want to be doing. I want to be a part of that community because I need to know what is happening and that is the only reason why. I do not feel the need to share, or part take I just want to know what is happening with the people I follow. It is like a drug and I need to be a part of it.
I wrote that a few days before Thanksgiving and I must say that I thought I was losing it. It is only through retrospect that I was able to see how distract and truly subtractive my social media sites are. This was the first Thanksgiving in how many years that I can say I was able to completely submerge myself in what was happening within my household whole-heartedly. I was the leading chef in the kitchen instead of the being on my phone snapping away to share with people for instant gratification of a like or a comment. I felt myself for once being a true participant. I did not want to share this with anyone else, I did not want to capture through a lens, but capture it in my memory. I did not miss out on what was being said neither did I feel left out. What was so bizarre to me was that I did receive instant gratification. I saw my mothers’ eyes light up with admiration because I was able to prepare so much food, I saw satisfaction in my relatives’ faces with each bite, and I heard it with every compliment. It was a new experience and a new way to experience people and a holiday. I realized I did not care to share nor did I want to share with everyone this intimate moment because it was for me, for my eyes only; it was a moment that no one else would cherish as much as I would if I had made a post on either Facebook or Instagram.
The want and need to capture moments now meant something more for me. It was an opportunity to preserve a moment for a personal keepsake and not for the general public although if I choose to it could be. The moments captured unlike the ones aggregated on Twitter had more meaning. I felt something in each movement and there was a memory, a word, a laughter, a feeling associated with that particular video or picture. I believe this will affect my participation on my social networking sites because when I return I see my pictures in terms of likes but in terms of a moment—a captured gem; a preservation of a time that I may never be able to relive. This experience has been able to so far change my interpretation of what I want and need out of my social networking site and what I actually see them as.
In actuality, I cannot believe that this is the last leg of this experiment. I am sad to say, that in moving forward it has come to my realization that to adequately measure something of this sort there needs to be more time. I believe that the full effects, or the effects of which I am experiencing as of this moment are somewhat forced due to the limited time. It seems as though I am being pushed towards them because of a time constraint. In some ways I feel as though I am pushing myself to feel these alterations but I do not have a definite way of measure this against the time. However, whether I am forcing myself subconsciously or if in fact these are genuine effects of this experiment it has been an eye opening and learning experience. I have forced myself to see beyond how I am expected to present myself. I am beginning to experience my own wants and needs which are not based on those of others and societal expectations because I do not know what they are since I am not a part of that greater society that offers more opinion. I feel freer in a way because I know that my ideas being generated right now are not altered by others nor do they have a great expectation because I am not comparing them to what others are doing or saying. They are my own words of my own thought and I believe that there is something remarkable about that.
Deliverables for the coming week :
- As I am now winding down to the last leg of the project I will now begin to refine blog posts that were made to accompany both video and picture of the day posts.
- I will also begin to choose what videos and pictures I want to use specifically in the blog posts for last week.
- I also have to edit more videos for the final short video which I am putting together.
- I have also decided to cut out the aspect of interviewing colleagues which was proposed in my proposal.
- I also will also begin to capture videos and pictures for this weeks posts.