NOTES: Essay 3 Assignment posted–please read! No class next week; stay tuned for what to do over Thanksgiving break!
For Friday, 11/20
Re-reading to Re-Write
The following prompt is designed to help you rewrite the beginning of your paragraphs in your Essay 2 so that your points become clearer to your reader.
Re-read a paragraph from your Essay 2 and as you read, think: what is the big picture of what Iâm saying here? Based on the various things Iâm saying in my paragraph, what is one word, phrase, or sentence that captures most it?
Write the following after reading:
–1 word, phrase, sentence that captures the main ideas:
–1 sentence that will introduce your paragraph to your readerâthat is, the âbig pictureâ of what youâre writing about in it. Your purpose in this sentence is to prepare them for what they are about to read (and to get them to want to read your full paragraph).
Last: put the sentence you just wrote at the BEGINNING of your paragraph. This is your TOPIC SENTENCE.
Share all of the work including your rewritten paragraph below.
1. The black lives matter movement and the issue with police brutality are being discussed in the song âFreedomâ by Beyonce, featuring Kendrick Lamar. This song brings light upon this issue and makes people more aware of whats going on.
2. The Black Lives Matter movement first was a hashtag used after George Zimmerman was acquitted in the shooting death of Trayvon Martin, an unarmed African-American teenager killed in Florida in July 2013. The movement became more known and popularized when more unarmed African Americans were getting killed by police officers. This movement also became more known because Black lives are systematically and intentionally targeted for demise.
Revised Paragraph:
The Black Lives Matter movement was first a hashtag used after George Zimmerman was acquitted in the shooting death of Trayvon Martin, an unarmed African-American teenager killed in Florida in July 2013. The movement became more known and popularized when more unarmed African Americans were getting killed by police officers. This movement also became more known because Black lives are systematically and intentionally targeted for demise. âFreedomâ by Beyonce, featuring Kendrick Lamara is a song that discusses this controversial issue, which is police brutality and the Black Lives Matter movement. These topics are controversial because there’s many opinions about it. Regardless of what people say, we can’t ignore the issue of police brutality among African Americans. These unjust killings sparked outrage all around the world and this began the Black Lives Matter movement. This decentralized political and social movement advocates for non-violent civil disobedience in protest against incidents of police brutality and all racially motivated violence against black people. This song brings light to the issues African Americans go through on a daily basis because of their skin color.
Great work, Maram–bravo!
1. *before* In the society we live in today social issues continue to grow and get out of hand very quickly. The list of social issues continues to grow everyday from sexual abuse to child trafficing and many more. But one of the major social issues today is drug addiction. Drug addiction has played a major part in movies, songs, articles, and even the news. Not all people demonstrate drug addiction in the entertainment world, some actually take drug addiction to a next level and use it as a way to escape from the real world, just use it to âfeel goodâ, or depression. Drug addiction is defined as a disease that affects the ability to resist any type of drug, for example cocaine,weed, alcohol and many more. In many cases famous rappers and singers who suffer from drug addiction would mention it in their music, many don’t take it seriously and just believe it is just a song but in reality most are actually suffering with drug addiction. For example there is one artist named juice wrld that has been suffering from drug addiction that later led to his death.
-Issue: The big picture of what I’m trying to say is the effects of drug addiction and how many people use music as a source to cope with their addiction
1 word/sentence: All over the world people use different ways to cope with whatever they are going through in life, such as drug addiction.
2. *revised* There are many people all over the world who suffer from personal problems, social problems or even problems in their society. But one of the main problems today is different social issues all over the world from sexual abuse to child trafficking and many more. Drug addiction has played a major part in movies, songs, articles, and even the news. Not all people demonstrate drug addiction in the entertainment world, some actually take drug addiction to a next level and use it as a way to escape from the real world, just use it to âfeel good”, or depression. Drug addiction is defined as a disease that affects the ability to resist any type of drug, for example cocaine,weed, alcohol and many more. In many cases famous rappers and singers who suffer from drug addiction would mention it in their music, many don’t take it seriously and just believe it is just a song but in reality most are actually suffering with drug addiction. For example there is one artist named juice wrld that has been suffering from drug addiction that later led to his death. Music is many things to people but most important music is always relatable or a way to escape.
Kamille,
Your topic sentence is beginning to improve here, but I’m getting lost in the second sentence of your revised paragraph. I think we need to transition directly into the topic of drug addiction there, but that’s not quite happening yet. Have another look! Also, at some point we need to connect this paragraph to your song, yes? Fine to have this paragraph just focus on drug addiction if you’d likeânot all of your paragraphs need to connect directly to the songâbut eventually we want to get to the music, yes?
Thanks.
1. A song that really stood out to me was âNo Role Modelz” by J cole. An artist who raps about the duality of the women in Los Angeles and his own weakness around love.
2. Hip hop has played such an important role in the history of rap music that it is now considered one of the most influential genres of music and has been used to create a new generation of artists.
3. Hip hop has played such an important role in the history of rap music that it is now considered one of the most influential genres of music and has been used to create a new generation of artists. Hip Hop came into being in the late 90âs when rap was still new to America. It was a time where everyone wanted their own style of music, but it was not until the mid-90’s that hip hop started to take off. Hip hop has always been a popular genre for artists like Drake, Kanye West and many others. Itâs also one of the most popular genres in today’s society. The reason why hip hop is so popular is because of its ability to express emotions by using words in a way that can be understood by anyone. I can’t really remember when I first started listening to hip hop but I know that it’s very influential on my life. A song that really stood out to me was âNo Role Modelz” by J cole. An artist who raps about the duality of the women in Los Angeles and his own weakness around love. I think this song is just as important for young people today as it was back then. Just one listen to this song will change your mind.
Aldo,
Good to read your work as always.
Just to be clear about this assignment: it asks you to look at one specific paragraph and to re-write the beginning of it using a topic sentence that describes the main idea of that paragraph (not the main idea of your whole essay).
It makes the most sense to do this with a body paragraph (not your intro or conclusion).
I’m confused from your response which paragraph you re-wrote and what the topic is.
Can you re-read the assignment and try again?
Thanks.
before-DNA is the second song of the album DAMN which was released in 2017. The video of this song achieved seven million views in less than a day. This video is starring Don Cheadle who is lip-syncing to Kendrick Lamar. The video shows a scene in which Lamar is handcuffed and is going through an investigation which depicts the struggles the African Americans face in the society.
Issue- The bigger picture in my essay is how African American people surviving in this community and the song spreading awareness the community.
After revised* There are many African American people still going through inequality issues. They face struggle and hardship everyday because of their skin color and race. Although we are in 21st century, Black lives matter movement shows police brutality and all racial violence. Many black people get killed and why, just because they are skin color. Through the song “DNA” by Lamar has spread awareness and positivity around the world. This song contains, how black people are fighting to survive in this world. This song sand a message about the struggle of black people in this society. It is easy to not easy to be a African American people in society to live peacefully.
Good to read your work as always, Nahid.
Just to be clear about this assignment: it asks you to look at one specific paragraph and to re-write the beginning of it using a topic sentence that describes the main idea of that paragraph (not the main idea of your whole essay).
It makes the most sense to do this with a body paragraph (not your intro or conclusion).
Iâm confused from your response which paragraph you re-wrote and what the topic is.
Can you re-read the assignment and try again?
“No Role Modelz” is a song by American rapper J. Cole, taken from his third studio album, 2014 Forest Hills Drive. The song samples “Don’t Save Her” by Project Par, and was produced by Phonix Beats and J. Cole. The video of this song achieved 9.3 million views in less than two days. “No Role Modelz” was released August 4, 2015. Hip hop played such an important part in the evolution of rap music that it is now considered to be one of the most influential genres of music and has been used to develop a new wave of musicians.
Revised, Hip Hop was born in the late 90’s, when rap was still new to America. It was a time when everybody wanted their own type of music, but it wasn’t until the mid-1990s that hip hop began to take off. Hip hop has always been a common genre for artists such as Drake, Kanye West and many others. It is also one of the most common genres in today’s society. There are many people all over the world who suffer from personal issues, social problems, or even problems in their communities. Yet one of the biggest challenges today is the various social issues around the world, from sexual exploitation to child trafficking, and many more.
Good to read your work as always, Lubna.
Just to be clear about this assignment: it asks you to look at one specific paragraph and to re-write the beginning of it using a topic sentence that describes the main idea of that paragraph (not the main idea of your whole essay).
It makes the most sense to do this with a body paragraph (not your intro or conclusion).
Iâm confused from your response which paragraph you re-wrote and what the topic is.
Can you re-read the assignment and try again?
1) Racism is a huge issue in this generation that people canât seem to solve.
2)In the past 18 years of my life, I heard so many artists that talk about racism to make everyone aware of this issue that has been going on for a long time.
3)Racism is a huge issue in this generation that people canât seem to solve. In the past 18 years of my life, I heard so many artists that talk about racism to make everyone aware of this issue that has been going on for a long time. Artists throughout the world try to spread messages about social issues that people are dealing with right now. For example âEverybodyâ by Logic is about his own life experience dealing with racism. He dropped this song on May 5, 2017, which is when many people used to listen to his music. But as time went by, he stopped dropping music and now people don’t really talk about his music. I personally donât listen to his music anymore either. The first song that I listened to was â1800â by Logic. That was back in 2017, but I specifically canât remember when was my first time listening to âEverybodyâ. But I do remember in my junior year of high school, for history I had a project where we had to choose a song that talks about racism I believe, or something related to this topic. At that moment I couldnât really think of anything so I searched it up and then Logic popped up and I found this song. After listening to it I could hear the passion in his voice. The passion that he has for his music and his listeners.
1. Police brutality is a serious problem that is faced by people.
2. Police officers are expected to maintain rules and laws, protect the people and make them feel safe but nowadays it seems instead of making people, they are the ones putting them in a fear.
3. Police officers are expected to maintain rules and laws, protect the people and make them feel safe but nowadays it seems instead of making people, they are the ones putting them in a fear. Police brutality is a serious problem that is faced by people. Many artists share music that talks about the Police brutality. One of the songs that I like is âDonât shootâ by The Game where he talked about social issues that people are dealing with. In one of his interviews he said â The issues in Ferguson really hit home for me, and I feel compelled to use my musical platform to address thisâ. He used music to express important messages that help people and encourage them to fight for them. In âDonât shootâ by The Game , he explained peopleâs life experience dealing with police brutality. Police is too aggressive. They used force and killed innocent people. Why crime isnât a question and Police arenât the answer? Some people think that police reduce crimes but I see the opposite of it. They are the ones who increase crime by killing and shooting people. They also give the wrong message to young people by doing this.
Nice work, Jasleen–just continue to have this exercise in mind when re-reading and editing your Essay 2 paragraphs. Try to make sure each paragraph has a focused topic sentence.
” The Bigger Picture”
– Police Brutality and racism has been a constant issue now In society, problem that increases which is people are facing
– The police are supposed to or obligated to follow the laws and rules to keep us safe but instead there has been a growing number of cases of police brutality and racial profiling.
– Many people are facing a growing number of cases of police brutality and racial profiling. It required for officers to abide by the law and follow rules that are created to keep us safe, but in this day and age it the complete opposite. Many police are using their “badge” as power to do whatever they want and some people are facing these with racial profiling and shootings and killings. Fortunately many artists are stepping up and using their voices as protests by sharing songs. One song I liked was ” The Bigger Picture” By Lil Baby. In his song he talks about how everyone should come together and help each other and make the future better instead of saying it as it a “Black and White Problem”. In the song he says “Every colored person ainât dumb and all whites not racist, I be judging by the mind and heart, I ainât really on to faces.” Over here Lil Baby talking about how society feels today. For example, there was the shooting with Ahmad Arbery, a 25 year old chased down and shot by two White residents who they thought he “stole something”. This has nothing to do with police brutality but it has to deal with social profiling which some police still do.