https://docs.google.com/document/d/1IR3XfdSj_EMcsS_W5GPBmP2bB0Dg_OKZfM9Sz2tEGio/edit?usp=sharing
7 thoughts on “Dom Padon Essay 1 Draft Feedback”
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https://docs.google.com/document/d/1IR3XfdSj_EMcsS_W5GPBmP2bB0Dg_OKZfM9Sz2tEGio/edit?usp=sharing
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I enjoyed reading your essay draft. One thing I learned while reading this essay is about the anime series named “Samurai Champloo.” I never really watched any anime so this was the first time reading and learning bits about the plot and what the series was about. Dom mentioned that this series helped improve his attitude towards relationships and living life. It states “The episodes usually just consist of recounting the daily activities of the travelers on their way to find the sunflower samurai, usually them looking for ways to get food and ending up in escapades that are humorous or emotional. The whole idea of āfinding the sunflower samuraiā wasnāt really explored for much of the show except for a few nudges that directed our characters towards locating the place where the samurai could be found, and until the last two episodes. This sort of āpush the plot subtlyā way of story flow was the hook for me, and itās interesting to see it especially since Champloo was directed by ShinichirÅ Watanabe, the director of the acclaimed 1998 anime Cowboy Bebop. By design, the two shows have the same sort of story flow that made me realize that these shows were the media that closest mirrored the way life really is: life isnāt some scripted journey that has constant plot movement building toward an ending, rather itās the collection of everyday happenings that we happen to be in and live in. I learned that life has no set structure, no characters that have some set purpose of advancing our stories. Life just happens.” This quote mentions snippets about the anime series and how it impacted Dom’s life, this series made him realize that life isnt some scripted journey, rather its a collection of everyday happenings. One suggestion I would say that could be added is to mention a specific experience in your life that also contributed into this. For example, a childhood memory, family event, or friend that made you realize that life isnt pre-planned and its a collection of just everyday events and experiences. Overall, your essay draft was really thoughtout and I liked the message behind it.
I found your essay very interesting, I love how you made your conflict clear and was also able to connect your conflict to a show that you enjoy. I don’t really watch anime but hearing the way you explain the show makes me want to get into it also. I feel like your essay is perfect, but because I have to leave a suggestion I think you should put in a little story of your self that can relate to your topic. For example you can right a little mini story of a time you found yourself in a state of “disconnection”. But overall I loved your essay and think you did a very goodjob, you took your time and developed your conflict.
Thank you for saying that! I appreciate the warm compliments and the suggestion of adding a personal experience. I’ll definitely do that.
P.S: Anime is a really interesting and fun thing, Samurai Champloo is something I’d definitely recommend to someone new to the genre. Happy viewing!
I enjoyed reading your essay and it was interesting. I like how you made your conflict clear and thoughtful. I don’t watch anime but the way you explained makes me feel excited to watch. Overall , it was good essay and I enjoyed it.
Thank you! Do you have any suggestions or ideas as to how it could be improved?
I found your essay to be very inspiring. I like how you related a show to being educational. It’s crazy how much meaning a show could have and the effect it had on you is what was inspirational to me. I like how you stated “You only get one life; thereās no do-overs, so you should appreciate what you have now” because it is so true! Unfortunately, some people don’t appreciate what they have until it is gone. Great essay. The message, the format, everything.
Why, thank you for your feedback and kind words! I appreciate how you understood what I was trying to convey, and I do hope you apply the idea of appreciating life in the moment in your own life as well because it’s really important.
Do you have any ideas on what could be fixed or how the essay could be better?