“What’s going on between us… beloved?”

“I can’t see anything. I can barely feel anything. All that I know is that there’s nothing beneath me and something is suspending me at a height of what-even over a whole lot of who-knows. Yet, you’re asking me ‘what’s going on’?”

“Being put in a most extreme situation will draw out most honest answers. That’s all I want from you. Not to hurt you, neither to scar you or even scare you. I just want your honesty, is all. So please, Maya, what’s come between us? Where’s our relationship going? Where has it gone?”

“It’s going nowhere, Xavi. It’s dead. Everything and anything that we ever had is done.”

“…Mm…. At the very least, may I be privy as to why? What did I do wrong?”

“You’re mean, you’re awkward, you’re secretive, you’re judgmental, you embarrass me and I want nothing to do with you.”

“…I’m sorry. You’re right. I’m sorry… but… that’s… not fair to me. Not after all we’ve been through. Not after how well we’ve come to know each other. This is a heartless assessment-“

“Heartless, Xavi? Heartless? Do you think I care if I’m being heartless? I’m in the dark, suspended between what I can only presume to be Heaven and the void, and I’m the heartless one?”

“Let’s not act as if we-“

“I no longer owe you anything.”

“…Right. I guess you’re right. But how does a sister become a stranger? How does a sister treat a brother as a stranger? As someone they don’t know? I completely am in the wrong. Countless times, again and again, I certainly did do wrong by you. Shamed you, humiliated you, used you as a canvas to express my own inner turmoil. But don’t act in bad faith. Don’t treat me as if that’s all there was to our friendship.”

“Those things are all that matter now.”

“When I stopped talking to you, the new guy friend you made was filling my place. Throughout all your boyfriend pursuits, throughout bruises you put on your wrist, throughout all the at-home drama you were going through, Maya, it was always me you came back to, and in spite of all the things I couldn’t empathize with, never was I not willing to listen, always did I try my best to council and console. Understand that even though I failed to deal with my issues and took that out on you, I was always ready and willing to help you deal with yours. Does that mean nothing?”

“You struck out one too many times, and I’ve told you before, I’m not who I was. I’m done giving chances.”

“…You know…. once you started expressing that sentiment, I knew…. This would be inevitable. It was only a matter of time…. It hurts.“

“You hurt me.”

“Right. But at the end of the day, we’re really here because even with all my vitriol, at the heart of it was love. I want the best for you, so never could I ever be a wall in the echo chamber you keep around you. I love you, so I will never be willing to kiss ass to you. Never.”

“I live my life how I want to live it, and you not being able to accept that is why we’re here.”

“Just because you’re doing what you want doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do. Just because you’re happy, it doesn’t mean that you’re healthy. I just want you to do the right thing is all.”

“Who are you, dude? You’re not my father.”

“You’re right. But I am your friend.”

“We are not friends.”

“…You’re right. Tsk… ‘Awkward’? How could you insult me like that, as if you don’t know my problems? As if you don’t empathize with being called ‘awkward’? As if you don’t know me? You, of all people….”

“I don’t care.”

“You don’t.”

“And you don’t know me.”

“You’re right. I knew you. A you that you put in the closet of whatever you have going on now, and that version of you still is very much the core of how you operate now, but it is a past you nonetheless, I guess.”

“Please let me go.”

“Maya… I don’t take kindly to treachery.”

“Okay?”

“…And with the relationship having run its course, I guess I no longer owe you anything either. So before you go, may you please entertain me, in one last thing?”

“…Hmph.”

“Look at me.”

“What are you talking about, I can’t-“

“Open your eyes. Open them.”

……

“Do you see now? We’re both caught in the midst of something extreme, and even then Maya, you have it better than I do. You’re suspended by the waist of your pants over a pool, only blinded by a loosely tied kerchief. I’m splayed out, chained to a wall. I don’t know where to go from here. All there is for you is a quick drop. Where I go from here, I do not know. So with that said…”

“…you’re sick-“

“What’s even sicker is that my position isn’t what matters to me right now. What’s disgusting is that I care more about someone who loathes me, and have no concerns about the predicament I’m in. Would you not agree? Tss…hehehe….”

“….”

“….Look me in my eyes for the last time, Maya. Meet my gaze just one more time.”

……

“…You don’t know me either. You don’t know me, at all. I’ve heard Seinfeld’s voice in my dreams. I’ve walked a thousand miles and never have even gotten close to encountering Vanessa Carlton. People, such as yourself, have failed to be masters of their domains whilst wearing my own cardigans. I personally have escaped Super Saiyan 4 Gogeta’s 100% Level 3. I know people named Jeffery, who claim it to be pronounced as ‘S-E-X’. I’ve seen Mike Wazowski at the deli for a coffee, in real life. I’ve smelled the worm that survived the early bird, swam in the banks of the man-made event horizon, walked in like a stickman, felt yolk-colored egg meringues, stood at 180 degree angles on the backs of giants with dwarfism. I’ve even heard O Tannenbaum sung by a single soul sound as the entire Peanuts cast, and Boomhauer #3 sing the song of old, a rendition that was aesthetically pleasing to the ears, coherent to the soul. The things I’ve been through, you can’t even begin to know, never will you understand. All these just individual instances, moments lost to time, like piss in the rain, like singular grains of salt within a dutch oven’s worth of water at a rapid boil. It’s time to die.”

*click*

How disgusting.