Prof. Jessica Penner | D304 | Spring 2022

Aide Jimenez Short Story 2 (Revised with Dialogue)

Have you ever wished you can make wishes and get what you want? As a kid I always believe in fairies. It all happen on a summer morning, I was 9 at the time. I was playing in a park when all sudden I ran into this beautiful butterfly. She was blue with little sparkles on her wings. She landed on my hand, and I was breath taking of how her wings shine in the sun light. I asked her “what is a beautiful butterfly doing here?” she responds, “I make wishes and make your life happy.” As soon as she spoke, she transforms herself into a fairy. I was so shocked and intrigue. She introduces herself and I did the same, she told me she can only make 3 wishes and after they are all done, she gets to leave and help another kid who needs wishes. We made a deal and every time I need to make a wish just say, “fairy I need help!” We said our goodbyes and I ran back to my mom. On my way home I couldn’t think of any wishes to make, I was happy with my mom. We were booth happy, so I had no clue what to wish for. However, little did I knew things will change for me and my mom. A couple days pass and I saw one morning my mom crying and looking at me. She told me, “Are you happy with me? Do you wish to be with your dad?” I looked at her and told her, “I’m very happy with you, I’m so happy that I don’t ever want to leave by your side.” With that my mom was happy and stop crying, but I still didn’t understand why she would ask me about my dad. Since he had left us, I was much happier with my mom, and we were in a good place. The next day my mom woke me up early and told me I wasn’t going to school. She said we had an important appointment. When we arrive to the court, I was confused why we were here, but I follow her and thought that everything will be fine. We sat in this waiting area, and I saw these older men sit and when he turns around, I saw it was my father. I was shocked and I didn’t want to let go of my mother’s hand. This man calls my mom and dad in while I had to wait outside. It felt like hours they were inside. She comes out and told me we must come again tomorrow. The next day we head back to the court, and like yesterday I had to sit and wait. However, things felt different. A nice lady comes out and tells me I need to follow her. I do what I’m being told. When I entre I see a lady judge, my mom, and my dad. When I arrive, the judge introduce herself asking questions about my relationship with my parents. Next tells me with who I wanted to stay with and explain why. I reply, “With my mom because I feel safe and happy with her. I want her next to me until the day I can’t be with her.” She told me I could leave and my mom comes out next.  We went home and she explain what had just happen. I ran to my room crying and I screamed, “Fairy I need help” withing seconds she appear she asked me, “what’s wrong?” she looked worry and sad I tell her the horrible day I had. She tells me, “Ready to make your wish?” I reply, “I wish to be with my mom. I also wish the judge chooses I get to stay with my mom. I also wish we don’t ever have to go throw anything like this or anything that will make us apart.” And with that all my 3 wishes were gone and all I had to do was wait for tomorrow and see how it all comes true. The next day was the biggest day of my life, we arrive and again I was in the waiting room waiting for her. When I see those two doors open, I see her running towards me and tells me, “I have you and you will never be away from me.” That’s all needed to hear to make me realize my wish came true. Until this day I don’t regret making those wishes, was the best 3 wishes I could ask for. If I had to do it again I will. I miss my fairy but I’m glad I meet her. 

3 Comments

  1. Allen Shen

    1. The ending is pretty wholesome. There’s the idea that the fairy is giving wishes to children who probably can’t use their wishes responsibly.
    2. The dialogue does a good job of expressing the emotions of the characters
    3. For the dialogue with multiple back and forth, separate the dialogue into multiple lines
    4. Turn this: “She introduces herself and I did the same, she told me she can only make 3 wishes and after they are all done, she gets to leave and help another kid who needs wishes. We made a deal and every time I need to make a wish just say, “fairy I need help!” We said our goodbyes” into dialogue.

  2. Tomas Biterski

    I enjoyed that this short story is really wholesome
    The dialogue really gave emotion to the story
    Good job on this story

  3. Christopher Mizhquiri

    I liked the overall story, and the vibe on how the story played out and made it seem like a nice story
    I liked the emotion and the dialogue and how it helped intervene with the flow
    Just add some more dialogue to strengthen the story and make it better

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