âThis is so much fun!â I screamed on the back of a motorcycle. âCan’t… believe… I havenât⌠done this beforeâ screaming through my hair blowing into my mouth and sticking to my lip-gloss.
Divine smiles as we continue to make our way to the famous town diner. We pass by the beach where everyoneâs either sun tanning, playing volleyball, children building sand houses, and adults getting drunk on the beach. â2022 bitchesss!â girls run topless and clearly drunk.
Parking his bike in front of the diner we fix ourselves from the wind as we enter. A wave of cold air hits us as we leave the humid air that had our clothes sticking. It felt good for the moment, but I know Iâd be shivering real soon.
The host greets us with a soft smile âHi welcome to Moon diner. Table for 2?â. âyes, thank you.â We reply and chuckle in unison. The scenery of the diner is literally in the name, looks like a scene from the show The 100 when they were living of the spaceship.
âahh, finally food Iâm starving”. I say. We are stoned as hell right now Iâm getting 3 plates.
âdonât do what you always do and start getting multiple plates and not finishing them please.â says Divine while scanning the menu, like he just read into my mind. I playfully roll my eyes and smile.
I watch him as he looks through admiring him, he’s so handsome, dark, tall, with a beautiful body. (he goes to the gym). Putting my hand on top of his I smile with the words âI love youâ coming out. He says the same back and reaches over to kiss me.
âSorry to interrupt.â The waitress comes in almost embarrassed. âMy name is Nadia Iâll be your waitress today would you like to start ordering?
âitâs alright thatâs no problem Iâm starving anyways.â I tell her
âUm no it is a problem why would she come in the middle of us just now.â Divine says somewhat angrily
I look at him in confusion âIâm so sorry can you just give us a momentâ. Nadia nods and walks away.
âWhat the hell was thatâ
âWhat do you mean? She rudely interrupted usâ
âYea interrupted us from kissing something we do all day. She was only trying to do her job and cater to us. Show her some respect. That can be you one day at work and getting disrespectedâ
âUh uh, it wonât Iâm not interested in a job, I got my own source of moneyâ leaning back into his seat
âSo what happens when this money runs out then whatâ
âLittle girl it wonât, I got thisâ
âCâmon Divine you need to get a job now weâre older now, no more mommy money. I have a job, I can get you an application for where I workâ
âNo.â his eyes enlarge; brows begin to get bushier and gets up to go outside. Yup, heâs mad.
Literally every time we try to talk about our future he always deflects and avoids the conversation. Heâs scared of the reality, but the more he avoids it the harder it will be to face it. If I canât even convince him to get a job, I can only imagine how it will be when I bring up going to college.
what is your story based on ?
Who are some of the characters in this story?
Who is the “he” in this story?
1. The visualization of the first four paragraphs were great. It made you feel like you were there somewhat.
2. Chemistry involved with each character was solid, nobody felt left out when reading the dialogue included.
3. Small punctuation fixes at the beginning and end of the dialogue sentences could be revised, but nothing that takes away from the story.
4. No other parts of the story needed dialogue, everything fits where it should be overall.
The story setting is really good. I felt like I am reading some kind of story book.
All the dialogues are very clear.
Maybe adding name for the dialogue?
Maybe punctuation in some of the sentence can be fixed otherwise it looks great to me.
The story is great and has a awesome back and forth with the charcters which was enjoyable for next time explain what the job would be