12 thoughts on “Feedback for Kenia”

  1.  I thought it was creative how you started your essay with a question, however it would be a great idea for you to define what you consider addiction, specifically social media addiction since it’s such a broad concept. But, I also think you can add more details and quotes, maybe some that we have read in class. 

  2.  I think there were some grammar mistakes that could of been fixed. I liked how you gave the example of how you use social media in your life. When you mentioned how you have family all over the world and use social media to connect with them.

  3. I like the way you started your essay with a question grabbing the readers attention. I do think you could’ve added more though define social media addiction also mention what you think social media addiction is or just addiction in general. I do like how you mentioned how you use social media to connect with others I think you should include more about your experience with social media and how it affects you in your daily life.

  4. what is your experience with social media,  do you think that you ever over use social media? Such as being bored on social media but still rather be on it then doing anything else ? I think that could be a form of addiction . Maybe include what is your own definition of social media addiction because everyone has a different meaning. I also think you can add more info to your counterclaim And why you don’t agree 

  5. The introduction of your essay caught my attention because you asked questions about the effects of technology, but I think you missed a bit when you showed evidence and forgot or answer your questions specifically. I liked how you visualized the experiences of your family members and the evidence you gave about the positive sides of the technology.

  6. I enjoyed your attention. It grabbed the reader’s attention. However, I felt your essay could of had more detail. For example, in both your body paragraphs you could have added more reasons why social media is a positive/negative thing, really convincing the reader. Also, you did not indent in your introduction paragraph. Also if you wanted to make it more relatable, you could add a personal example. But overall, good job on your essay!

  7. I like that you started your essay with a question — it can really grab a reader’s attention. Instead of asking “Addiction is a disease?”, I think you can ask “Is social media addiction a disease?” since I feel like that’ll make more sense to the reader. It’s good that you argued a lot about the positive effects of social media but I think you can also talk more about how social media isn’t an addiction. I thought your essay was interesting but the grammar and essay structure can be worked on!

  8. I really liked your essay. I like how you started with a question, specially the second one because it makes the reader think about it as well as understand your point of view. When you spoke about social media being a source of communication with people from other countries, it seemed personal. Maybe you can add a personal story and how that doesn’t make you addicted to social media. I also suggest you add your definition of “addiction.” Overall, I liked the points you made throughout your essay.

  9. I liked how you began your essay. It allows the reader to understand your point of view and grab their attention. Your essay had a lot of detail. Something you can work on is putting your personal experience in your essay so your claim can be stronger. You can also add more details.

  10. I like how you started off by asking a question in your first paragraph and then you went on to establish your claim and why you believe your claim is right  I like how you spoke about how social media makes it easier to communicate and socialize with others. I also like how you introduced a counter claim and then made a rebuttal saying that what other people claim about social media is illogical because adults can limit their self

  11. Your introduction is really good because you asked a lot questions. And on your second paragraph you give your reason that supports your claim. Also you add your life experience as social media user and how it helps you.  I think you should put own definition for “addiction” since you talked about the benefit of social media, overall your essay was really good.

  12. Your introduction was well written and the questions were put to good use. They made the reader think about the topic and gave them an idea of what the paper was going to be about. The only thing is adding more details and discussing your own personal experience.

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