14 thoughts on “Feedback for Rebeca”

  1. I thought you had a great introduction, it was very creative to mention all the childhood games we played; I personally never thought of it like that. I also liked how you added a definition and explain what the game “Halo” is. You had a good amount of details and you explained/analyzed the quotes very well. Only suggestion I had was to add a citation/reference page. 
     

  2. I really liked your essay, it make me remember of some games in my childhood. your introduction was very clear. you explained very well your details and evidence. one thing you can do is to add a work cited page.

  3. Needs a reference page, In the essay you mentioned “A research conducted in 2014, concluded that video games “foster real-world psychosocial benefits.” I think you should include the name of the person or association that conducted that research. Other than that I liked all the detail that were included into the essay and they showed your point of view in the essay.

  4. I really enjoyed reading your essay it was very well written. Your thesis was clear and you used strong evidence to support your claim. I do think you should include your definition of violence. I like how you used questions throughout your essay, you used good transition words as well and your essay was very detailed.

  5. I like how you added questions within your essay because It will have readers thinking about what’s is going to be discussed. Do you think a long usage of video game in the future will become an issue because of long term use. Maybe you can begin answering your own questions within your essay.

  6. I enjoyed how you started discussing your point then led it to a question, this made your introduction very interesting and made me want to read more of your essay. I also enjoyed how you connected it to mass shootings and you really elaborated your point in your introduction. Your essay was very strong and filled with solid points. It was also very detailed, but my only suggestion is to add a citation page.

  7. I enjoyed how you started discussing your point then led it to a question, this made your introduction very interesting and made me want to read more of your essay. I also enjoyed how you connected it to mass shootings and you really elaborated your point in your introduction. Your essay was very strong and filled with solid points. It was also very detailed, but my only suggestion is to add a citation page.

  8. I thought your essay had a really interesting introduction because you posed many questions about how real life games may impose violence like how people think video games cause violence. Your claim in your essay was strong since you also included a counter claim and argued against it. One thing you can improve on is just including a cite page so others will know where you got your sources from. In general, your essay was strong and interesting to read

  9. When I read your essay I loved it a lot, in my view I didn’t find any criticism. Your essay has everything that is needed, good introduction, questions, examples, good grammar, clear evidence, everything. In addition to what you explained, you gave many reasons to what your thesis agrees and that is what makes it very specific. Your essay is very clear

  10. Your essay topic was very clear. Anyone reading could tell what you were talking about. Your essay was very detailed and I don’t have much criticism. You had good grammar and a good structure.

  11. I like how you started off by saying that video games were being blamed for violence and how that is the reason why many questions are being posed. I like how you used many quotes from different sources and you ended by giving us a summary.

  12. I really like your essay, I like how you had a lot of evidence and it was really clear. your thesis was clear and you also have a good structure. something you could add is a work cited page so people would know where your information came from.

  13. Your essay was really good, also I liked that you ask a lot of questions. your thesis was clear to understand. one strategy I really liked on your essay was using famous people and you given recently news about it. one thing you should do is to add reference page, overall everything was good. 

  14. Your essay was really well done and clear to know what you were really talking about. You also did a good job connecting your paper to real life mass shootings. Something you could include is your own definition of violence since there a numerous definitions of it.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.