This week, we continue *scaffolding* Unit 1.
Now it is time to transform our topic proposal into an outline. Compose your outline using this template: Education Narrative Outline
Please refer to this sample outline as a model: English 1101Co Sample OutlineÂ
You can copy and paste your outline below in a Comment, or write the outline in a Google Doc and paste the link in your Comment. Either is fine.
In class Wednesday 9/22 we will discuss these outlines and begin our rough drafts. Please be sure to “bring” your outline to class, whatever stage it’s in– have it in a Google Doc or Word format so you can share screen.
English 1101Co / Unit 1 Education Narrative / Outline
Name: Justin Lin
Intro (introduce topic and set the scene with descriptive details- who, what, when, where)
Topic: Me trying to speak English even though I was born in NYC
Setting info: P.S. 124 Yung Wing and P.S. 042 Benjamin Altman
Thesis (what you learned; you may want to fill this in after everything else):
BP (body paragraph) 1
Idea: When I first started school in P.S. 124 Yung Wing I didn’t speak much english according what my mom told me and as time went on I was able to speak english fluently.
Ex: I don’t have much memory about that when I was young however what my mom told me was my first word was chinese and not english so I was assigned to ESL class.
BP 2
Idea: As time goes on I notice some struggles since no one was able to help me for my homework since my parents don’t speak enough English.
Ex: The teacher was telling to my parents so I had to get transferred to P.S. 042 Benjamin Altman for my level of education.
BP 3
Idea: After I transferred to a new school I was trying to do everything I could on my own even though I wasn’t good at every subject for it so I tried the best I can to pass my classes.
Ex: Even I was on my own I still needed help overall since I cannot rely on my parents for help so I tried the best I can for myself.
Conclusion (bring things up to date; what you are doing now; how did earlier experiences influence you) As of now I am currently doing a lot better than before when I first started school so whenever I am struggling a topic I would have to stay for extra tutoring for more help to pass my classes. Compare to my experiences before and now is a big change since I was able to improve myself by going to tutoring to understand the subject more.
After finishing the outline of your own ideas, think about where you could make a connection with a text we read in class. Do you want to start your intro with a quote? Do you want to make a connection with a text in one of your body paragraphs? Would a connection fit into your conclusion paragraph? Aim to incorporate 2 quotations in your essay.
I would want to start the intro with a quote saying “Life struggle as a kid to grow for improvements by learning in school”
I want to make a connection with a text in one of my body paragraphs by seeing other students to see if they had similar experiences as what I had.
Justin,
This is really fascinating and important.
Some things to think about as you move forward with your essay draft:
1. What is your thesis or main idea? In other words, what did you learn overall from this experience?
2. Now that you’re older and reflecting back on this, have your feelings about bilingual education changed?
3. What do you think your text connections will be?
4. You’ll want to include a lot more info and details about these schools you mention and whom they’re supposed to serve.
English 1101Co / Unit 1 Education Narrative / Outline
Name: Diaaeldin Elabsy
Intro (introduce topic and set the scene with descriptive details- who, what, when, where)
Topic:The problems that I saw when I came NYC
Thesis (what you learned; you may want to fill this in after everything else):
BP (Body Paragraph) 1
Idea: The first time I came NYC
Ex: When I came NY I started having issues with the school and my life in NYC. I was having problems with English language and how to communicate with the people. I did not even have any friends due to the English barrier.
BP 2
Idea: My first school I went to in NY.
Ex: It was like an Arabic school 90 percent of the students were speaking Arabic. It was easy for me to communicate with them. Although some teachers were speaking Arabic. Therefore, If I need help it was easy to ask them.
Bp 3
Idea: My second school I went to.
Ex: I was getting better at English and I became more able to ask the teachers about what I could not understand and they helped me. I made new friends at this school. Then, I moved to college from this school.
Conclusion (bring things up to date; what you are doing now; how did earlier experiences influence you) Right now, My life is better than it was in the past I do not have a struggle in English language as I was having in the past. I made a lot of friends. In the past I was thinking to go back to Egypt because I was feeling that I’m not comfortable in US and have a lot of problems. But now, After I finish my problems I want to continue my education in US because it’s better here.
After finishing the outline of your own ideas, think about where you could make a connection with a text we read in class. Do you want to start your intro with a quote? Do you want to make a connection with a text in one of your body paragraphs? Would a connection fit into your conclusion paragraph? Aim to incorporate 2 quotations in your essay. I would like to make a connection with one of my body paragraphs. I would like to start my intro with a quote “What problems do you face in your life when you go to live in another country with different people , different language ,and different culture”
Diaa,
This is extremely promising. Some things to think about as you move forward with your draft:
1. What is your thesis or central point? In other words, what did you learn from this series of experiences, either about yourself, about education, about NY or Egypt or life…?
2. For each body paragraph, you will want to add an *Idea.* Right now you have facts and topics for each BP, but what is the main point you want to illustrate? (Please see the model outline for an example)
3. You’ll want to add more info about setting– it would be interesting to do this for both Egypt (where you’re coming from, your school experience there) and NY
4. Text connections? (Olivarez, Obama, Lyiscott, Hellman, Morrison, etc)
Good work!
English 1101Co / Unit 1 Education Narrative / Outline
Name: Patrice Clarke
Intro (introduce topic and set the scene with descriptive details- who, what, when, where)
Topic: The struggles of having to adapt to American culture
Setting info: Jamaica and New York City
Thesis (what you learned; you may want to fill this in after everything else): Moving 1,573 miles away from everything you know and your close relative was a shock for me.
BP (body paragraph) 1
Idea: Growing up in Kingston Jamaica
Ex: In this paragraph I will talk about my upbringing in Jamaica and how it made me the way I am today. The struggles, the good times, the culture, the food, the schools etc
BP 2
Idea: The Culture Shock
Ex: My middle school experience; Meeting new friends, learning “proper” english, exploring different types of music, African American culture, Different food etc
BP 3
Idea: How I learned to balance the two
Ex: How I learned more about others’ way of living and expressing themselves and adapting but also kept my Jamaican roots. This is not to say I don’t have a mind of my own, this is just basic human instinct, we learn to adapt to our situation to the best of our ability. Even though some friends and families back home might not see it that way.
Conclusion (bring things up to date; what you are doing now; how did earlier experiences influence you) In conclusion I’m doing great now.I’m grateful for the opportunities I have. My earlier experience made me realize that being humble will get you far. Don’t chase but attract because what belongs to you will simply find you.
Patrice,
Very cool work here. It strikes me that BP 1 is about Jamaica, BP 2 about NY, BP 3 some combination of the two… like you? Neat approach with the writing allotment. Some things to think about as you move forward with your draft:
1. What is your thesis or central point? In other words, what did you learn from the process of immigration? Right now your thesis includes an important statement but it’s leaning toward the factual– can you dive deeper?
2. You’ll also want to zoom in on setting– you included wonderful details, for example, in your topic proposal– about being home in the NY apt while your cousin went to school. Where was that, what was that like, etc. In BP 1, too– dive into setting to convey daily life in Jamaica. What were the environments where you spent time?
2. For each body paragraph, you will want to add an *Idea.* Right now you have a focus for each BP, but what is the main point you want to illustrate about that topic? (Please see the model outline for an example)
3. Text connections?
Good work!
Ali,
This is extremely promising. Some things to think about as you move forward with your draft:
1. What is your thesis or central point? In other words, what did you learn from this series of experiences? You answer this in several different ways in the Conclusion here– which do you think is the true focus of your piece?
2. For each body paragraph, you will want to add an *Idea.* Right now you have facts and topics for each BP, but what is the main point you want to illustrate? (Please see the model outline for an example)
3. You’ll want to add more info about setting– where are these schools, what was the atmosphere like, sights, smells, sounds, details about place
4. Text connections?
Good work!
English 1101 Co / Unit 1 Education Narrative / Outline
Name : Naomi Aliou
Intro:
Topic : How i learned to stand for myself
Setting info : 2006, TMB school, Senegal
Thesis: What I learned is a life lesson I still apply when needed.
BP ( body paragraph 1 )
Idea : How it’s all started
Ex : When I joined my father’s native country it was difficult for me to naturalize myself among them, especially since I did not know the language and children of my age made fun of the fact that I was born in a different country and was different from them by my origins.
BP 2
Idea : when i started fighting back
Ex : When I started to understand the language, I started to defend myself. I had no strength and I didn’t even know how to fight but I was fighting back with my mouth and my head.
BP 3
Idea : how that experience taught me a life lesson
Ex : know who to hang out with, choose your friends, and above all know how to limit yourself to people who knows human values.
This is an excellent start, Naomi. Strong thesis! I’d encourage zooming in on specifics in the body paragraphs. What are some specific memories and/or settings or experiences that support your strong ideas? Finally, what are you thinking for text connections?
Good work.
English 1101Co / Unit 1 Education Narrative / Outline
Name: sakar alazeb
Intro (introduce topic and give short summery
Topic: balancing being from middle eastern and being born in American
Thesis: how to balance multiple personalities and customs
Idea:what made me who I am today
Bp1: I was born in Nyc and raised in Nyc but since I said my first words I could speak arabic and English but my parents at the time spoke very little English so from a young age I basically became a translator.
Idea: hardships beginning school
Bp2: when I started school they put me in esl even though I spoke English but as a child I didn’t think much of it until the 3rd grade I was still in esl so I went to the principle with my parents who by that time could speak English and I told them why am I still in esl when I can speak and read and write they came up with a bunch of excuses but eventually they gave me a test to take and I was transferred out.
Bp3: in history class in middle school and high school anytime we would learn about 9/11 everyone would turn around and look at me and I wouldn’t care because it didn’t have anything to do with me but everyone would assume I was there or had something to do with it and I couldn’t care less but it kept happening and it got annoying and as I got older I noticed people actually believed that I was involved or if not myself than my family or friends. What I never understood is what does 9/11 have to do with me because I’m not from Afghanistan
Conclusion: [I write a summery of everything I talk about]. In conclusion my childhood experiences with school and my family being from the Middle East but me being from America I was treated like an outcast even though I never considered myself one.
Sakar,
This is a very strong start. You are making powerful points.
For each BP, you’ll want to think about what your idea is; right now you begin each BP with your example and specifics. What do you think your thesis, or central point is? Do you think it’s the sentence you have in the Conclusion– that due to ethnicity you were discriminated against and treated like a foreigner even though you are American?
New Outline
English 1101Co / Unit 1 Education Narrative / Outline
Name: Alioune Haydara
Intro (introduce topic and set the scene with descriptive details- who, what, when, where)
Topic: Playing on a Basketball team
Setting info: MS.224, A. Phillip Randolph Campus High school, Basketball court
Thesis (what you learned; you may want to fill this in after everything else): Playing basketball taught me how to play with others, teamwork, work ethic, and mental toughness.
BP (body paragraph) 1
Idea: I will talk about trying out for a team for the first time and things I learned from it.
Ex: My experience joining a team, how excited I was, What it was like, practice, healthy habits, and my first game. I will include things I learned from my first game and things that helped me make other teams.
BP 2
Idea: I will talk about the principles I had to follow in order to play on a team and get minutes. I will also talk about challenges that I had to overcome and how I learned how to become a better player.
Ex: I had to learn how to play with others and not be selfish or greedy. I had to follow rules, work hard, and be committed. We had to listen to our coach, learn plays, and different defensive styles. I had to get good grades, have good attendance, and behave well.
BP 3
Idea: I will talk about downfalls to my basketball journey, setbacks, and mistakes.
Ex: How I was cut from my high school team because of grades, attendance and behavior. I get in detail about how I felt, setbacks, and lessons learned.
Conclusion (bring things up to date; what you are doing now; how did earlier experiences influence you) I still play basketball for fun and as a hobby, watch a lot of basketball a and teach my younger brother how to play. My earlier experiences influence me now because It made me become a different person, It taught me a lot of valuable lesson that I need to be successful, and It prepared me for challenges I will face in the real world. Lastly, I gained skills that I will be able to use for the future.
After finishing the outline of your own ideas, think about where you could make a connection with a text we read in class. Do you want to start your intro with a quote? Do you want to make a connection with a text in one of your body paragraphs? Would a connection fit into your conclusion paragraph? Aim to incorporate 2 quotations in your essay. I would like to start my intro with a quote. I will find quotes to add to my body paragraphs also.
Ali,
You’ve really turned this around. This is a strong and compelling topic, with a clear thesis and main ideas. As you begin your draft start to think about potential text connections.
Good work.
New Outline
English 1101Co / Unit 1 Education Narrative / Outline
Name: Stevenzhu
Intro (introduce topic and set the scene with descriptive details- who, what, when, where)
Topic: how environment change me when i return to America.
Setting info: i back to china when i was around 3 years old, after 6 yeawr i return to America.
Thesis (what you learned; you may want to fill this in after everything else): good environment can have postive way to a person same as the bad environment.
BP (body paragraph) 1
Idea:when i return to America i forgot all of the english that i have learn for two year since i was in the pre-school.
Ex: i had to relearn everything all over but since my environment was good i get friend that knows alots of english by becoming friend that helps me slot on english.
BP 2
Idea:after i get to middle school i was able to talk with the teacher,
Ex: because of the environment that teacher has make it good so it was not that difficule to ask question.
BP 3
Idea:as i pass the middle school towrd the high school i treat my best teacher as homie as friend of mine
Ex: because they really know how to make student have no fear about asking question and have so joke make the class more releate and feel good to this subject.
Conclusion (bring things up to date; what you are doing now; how did earlier experiences influence you)a environment that you are in can change you in to different for one end to another end good – bad.
After finishing the outline of your own ideas, think about where you could make a connection with a text we read in class. Do you want to start your intro with a quote? Do you want to make a connection with a text in one of your body paragraphs? Would a connection fit into your conclusion paragraph? Aim to incorporate 2 quotations in your essay. i think that i will use the text we read in class. i might want to intro with a quote.no connection in bp.
Steven,
The quality of your ideas is excellent here, and you have a strong message throughout. Some of the sentence structure would benefit from a bit of simplification; I am here to help when you write your draft. But overall good work.
I look forward to reading more about the places and settings you are exploring when you talk about the importance of environment. Do you know which text you want to bring in? It could be one from class so far or it could even be something in Chinese if you’d like.
New Outline
English 1101 Co / Unit 1 Education Narrative / Outline
Name:Raheel Ahmed
Intro (introduce topic and set the scene with descriptive details- who, what, when, where)
Topic:Learning to drive
Setting:Near my house,Road test site
Thesis (what you learned; you may want to fill this in after everything else):
I learned that it is easy to drive but it’s just that you need confidence when driving.
BP1
Idea:growing up loving cars
Ex:Growing up I loved cars. I used to watch racing videos of all the sports cars with my cousins so I have been fascinated by them.I would go on youtube and like to look at the new cars coming out or go to my cousins and watch racing videos with him.
BP2
Idea:First ever drive with my brother
Ex:I was with my brother in his car we went do drop off something at my sisters house and when we were next to our house my brother told me to go around the block and i was saying no but my brother made me because he knew i need to learn and when i took the turn i was scared and lost a little control of the wheel and almost hit parked car but my brother saved it by turning for me then i slowly went to the next turn and took it which was good this time and parked the car and my brother was laughing while i was scared.
BP3
Idea:road test
Ex:I went to the road test with my dad and the instructor came in and got all my information.Right after that i got so nervous and was not driving how it should have i was going so slow and got points off and i was so stiff and wasn’t looking at the blind spots.After the test they gave a card the gave instruction to how to check the results and i just knew i failed because i knew i didn’t drive like i normally do all because i was nervous.
Conclusion (bring things up to date; what you are doing now; how did earlier experiences influence you) In conclusion driving is all about confidence and safety if you are scared you while not drive up to par and that is bad for yours and others safety.This i learned the hard way and now i know and i drive confidently and safely.
Raheel (not Raheem! Autocorrect not cool!)
Your topic is interesting. Right now you have topics in each paragraph and you know your focus, but you still want to aim for an idea. What is the main point you want to make in each BP? Can you simplify your thesis? Do you think this less you learned can be applied elsewhere in life? Are there metaphors between driving skills and life skills? Finally, what text connection will you make?
Name: Raiven Lovett Frazier
Intro (introduce topic and set the scene with descriptive details- who, what, when, where)
Topic: My Experience Trying To Obtain My GED To Pursue My Career
Setting info: 2020, Manhattan Education Opportunity Center, Manhattan, New York, where the city never sleeps.
Thesis: What I learned through my struggle of getting to higher education to pursue my career was that, even though you will lose hope and faith sometimes, you cannot every give up. You will feel knocked down but you have to stay positive and you have to stay determined and focused. Doing so you can achieve anything you put your mind to. Always ask questions ; never be afraid its very helpful and always coming up with another way through hiccups in my journey motivated me.
BP (body paragraph) 1
Idea: I faced a lot of challenges academically and in my personal life where it made it difficult for me to to always attend school in concentrate.
Ex: Challenges I faced with my learning disabilities , things I did to help me stay on the road to my goal ,resources I used , people I spoke with. Text connection:Hellman’s “In Defense Of The Classroom”I connected with the reader because I understand the need for a classroom enviorment , the distractions that come with remote learning . I feel like alot of students students struggled with the adjustment.
BP 2
Idea: Things began to fall into place and I prepared myself to enroll into a ged program to obtain my high school equivalency diploma and enroll into college.
Ex: progams I attended to give me experience in what I want to pursue ,difficulties I had and what I did to get through it , what I learned it how it got me to where I am today and what worked for me
BP 3
Idea:at the end of spring of 2021, I couldnt believe I had finally got my ged and I was so excited to enroll into college.
Ex: the big test day , a hiccup I had being so excited lol, the steps I took and the support I had when felt discouraged.
Conclusion (bring things up to date; what you are doing now; how did earlier experiences influence you) Right now I’m in college and though its very hard difficult for me I learned there will be challenges to face in college but as long as I stay motivated and always asks questions I can and will achieve my goal.
Excellent work, Raiven. For your examples you’ll want to illustrate what you are saying— but you have already done much of the work and thinking through this essay in your Week 4 post. You’re on a very strong path for your draft.
English 1101Co / Unit 1 Education Narrative / Outline
Name: armand montas
Intro (introduce topic and set the scene with descriptive details- who, what, when, where)
Topic: when i was nearly 17 years old one of my friends had died in a terrible car accident, although i mourned him for days maybe even weeks i couldnt get over the fact that it was somehow my fault because i was always getting him out of trouble and still failed him. it bothers me till this day.
Setting info: george washington highshool campus and sorrounding places
Thesis (what you learned; you may want to fill this in after everything else):i learned that i cant bear myself responsible for everything that goes on in someones life no.
BP (body paragraph) 1
Idea: got him out of many school fights
Ex:
BP 2
Idea: got him out of public situations and helped him with his connections
Ex:
BP 3
Idea: how he helped me
Ex:
Conclusion (bring things up to date; what you are doing now; how did earlier experiences influence you)
im understanding that anybody can be a changing factor in your life
Armand,
First and most importantly, I am very sorry for your loss.
In terms of the writing here, the subject is very important. Let’s talk about how to complete the outline.