Title: One Scene – Ron DuPont

1 thought on “Title: One Scene – Ron DuPont”

1. Ron –this is a heartfelt scene – good job!

   _______________________

   I share some suggested edits:

   My mother sat me down at the table, and started to hold my hand. WHERE – kitchen, bedroom? Time of day?  

   My mother said to me with a very concerned voice, “Son why are you doing this? This isn’t good for you, nothing good comes out of this. You need to stop baby boy.”[End quote mark]

   *I looked at my mother with empathy and understanding of the situation* — CSD – I couldn’t say anything. WHAT were you feeling inside?

   My mother said, “Son I just want the best for you that’s all. Please make the right decisions and don’t break mommy’s heart.” [PUNCTUATION INSIDE QUOTE MARK – then…]. Her voice was starting to break down. I felt….like the loser I was.

   I said, “Ok mom. I won’t do it anymore, I’m sorry”. [fix]

   My mother said, “This is for you son and your future, I believe in you. You can do anything you put your mind to son. Believe in yourself. Dont let the devil win”. [FIX don’t and punctuation inside]

   *My mother stopped for a second and looked at me, and then got up and left wiping her tears away.*

   *I sat there for a moment and thought.* — NOW Give me those thoughts. Some ideas: “What am I doing with my life?” SHOW me what was happening in your life that led to this discussion with Mom. Suggestion: It my senior year and I had just been suspended for a month. I had been caught doing weed in the bathroom.  Usually I wasn’t even at school but hanging out with some no-good friends I had at the time.  I was failing 3 out of 5 classes, on the way to non-graduation. My life was spinning out of control.

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