- I will use the mentor quote prompt and I might also use between two Worlds.
- The main idea of my narrative essay is to show everything I went through to get to college, and everything I learned along the way that made me the person Iam today.
- Outline
Intro (opening) – Mentor quote from girlfriend, “The mistakes you’ve made in the past doesn’t define how your life will look in the future. Your trauma doesn’t define you. Overcome it and be the person you’ve always wanted to be” said by my girl.
Event 1: I woke up to banging on my bedroom. “Its time to wake up”, I heard in the distance. “You haven’t gone to school in a week, in a WEEK”, repeated my mother.
Event 2: Failing school my senior year. Talking about dropping out. Dealing with heavy marijuana use, constantly getting in trouble at home. Having to move in with my grandmother.
Event 3 : Graduating high school, working my two jobs, taking time off from school.
Conclusion: Going to the City tech open house felt like a fresh start. Seeing all these people who don’t even know me, happy to see me. Everything just felt right. The only step left was finding my major.
Overall Message: No matter how far you may drift away from being the person God intended you to be. You can always come back. My story is going to be a testament to that. I used to be a kid who everyone though was going to give up in life and continue the family cycle of not going to school and choosing the street life. But along the way I found myself and was able to dig myself out that hole.
     Opening for my essay:
The mistakes you’ve made in the past doesn’t define how your life will look in the future. Your trauma doesn’t define you. Overcome it and be the person you’ve always wanted to be” said by my girl. It was one of those chilly fall morning, the air was crisp I could feel the cold air crawl up my skin. I had just stepped out the F train at 5:45am, walking over to the warehouse where I worked in Coney Island. I could smell the cigarette smoke from a block away, I knew it was the manger taking his one of many smoke breaks. “What’s up cuzzo”, my friend said you ready for work”. Of course,” I replied.
For some reason I couldn’t shake what my girl said to me, and it would replay in my head every morning. When she said this to me, we were sitting down in her dorm talking about our goals and what we want for this year. I was saying how I want to do good in boxing, and how I want my life to be better than it was in the past two struggling years. She asked me if I was ready to go to school in the spring semester, and I shrugged my shoulders and said I might take a gap year. That’s when she replied, “The mistakes you’ve made in the past doesn’t define how your life will look in the future. Your trauma doesn’t define you. Overcome It and be the person you’ve always wanted to be”. It stuck in my head for months; even when I was working my two Jobs, I would constantly think about what she said. Then one time I was boxing, and my trainer had said to me, “the money will always be there”, go to school, and get it done.” That’s when I knew I had to make a change. Later that day I would tell my girl I wanted to go to school in the spring semester, and the rest is history. We went to the city tech open house, I found that I actually do have a love for school. I choose to major in Civil engineering. What my girl and boxing trainer said really gave me the drive to continue school and do the best I can possibly do. Everyday I think about what they said to me, and it gives me the motivation to put in the work inside and outside of the classroom.
It was a fascinating read. I’m very proud of the man you’re becoming, and I hope you keep up the excellent work. I wish I were told the things you were told. I went through many struggles growing up, and all I ever wanted was someone. I’ve walked a lot of routes by myself and learned a lot of things from other people, especially myself. The one thing that I learned from reading your story is not to let the past define who you are. I chose this because I’ve done many bad things before and sometimes have trouble letting them go. People would even use what I did against me and make me feel like I couldn’t change. Hearing those was really discouraging because I wanted to give up, but I’m glad I didn’t because I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I want to continue reading this when the full version comes out to get to know you more.
Ok I see you added two events for the outline.
GO BACK and see my comments on HW3. You should be using my previous comments to revise for this HW4. You have given me this before; here in HW 4, you need to take it one step further.
Need to format the dialogue properly. Look at how Obama does this. RLW in the Obama opening scene! You can do it!