Prof. Garcia | ENG1101-HD80 | Fall 2022

Unit 1 Draft

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-1tzXFpd-Mn28uD6yWrzY1jZjHk2VAge6omVDJHet6c/edit?usp=sharing

1 Comment

  1. Ruth Garcia

    Alex, You need to change the document so that anyone with the link can edit. But since I can not put feedback in the document, here are some thoughts:

    Your first paragraph is not necessary. You don’t need to tell me about your story. Instead, just tell the story.

    In terms of the second paragraph, the information is definitely important because it sets up the situation you were in, but think about the order of the information and make sure all ideas are complete and that one thought leads to another. Then, I think you need start a new paragraph and spend some time explaining what made you look up and look in the mirror.

    For the third paragraph, I would recommend spending some time detailing your process of change–think of Malcolm X as a model. Give details about your first day and tell of what you thought and how you felt.

    Also you keep mentioning not being supported? Can you develop that and think about where in the order of your story it goes?

    Why did your physical change lead you to make other changes?

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