5 thoughts on “Stephanie Dirani- Essay 2 Draft”

  1. Stephanie,
    I thought you did a decent job close reading the stories, however, I believe that there are some ways that you can improve your essay. First off, be careful for run-on sentences. You write, “The Prefect and a handful of officers would search for the letter when the thief wasn’t in his room and without his knowledge only to be repeatedly disappointed, not finding the letter.” Read it out loud to yourself. This is not a proper sentence. You could instead write, “The Prefect and a handful of officers would search for the letter when the thief was not in his room, without his knowledge, only to be repeatedly disappointed when they did not find the letter.” The way that you currently have it written fails to properly use the comma to break up a sentence. You also start off a sentence with “Little to his knowledge…” I believe that you are trying to say “Little did he know…” Little to his knowledge does not flow right. You also make the mistake of consistently switching from present tense to past tense when describing the story. You write, “One of the friends he confided in, Dupin, had a plan of his own in which he finds the letter and would only provide the letter to the Prefect for a reward. Eventually, the one who found the letter explains to the other friend how he was able to get the letter in the first place, the plan involving illegal activity of its own.” In these two adjacent sentences alone, you switch from past tense to present tense multiple times. These types of mistakes repeat throughout the entire essay. It is also very important that you cite sources within the text, and properly give credit where credit is due. You include multiple quotes and you fail to have in-text citations. I also noticed that your conclusion is fails to leave the reader with a sense that your essay has ended. Perhaps try to write some concluding marks so that we know you are finished. I think that you are on the right track, and once you make some changes you will have a better essay.

    1. Thanks for the feedback Cthys! Yea the past/present switch is a constant issue I have, I forget to check for that. I’ll read over it again for those run-on sentences. As far as citations go, I did give credit to the work. My first sentence introduces the source as “The Purloined Letter” and that it’s by Edgar Allen Po. And every time I quoted a phrase I stated which page it was on. My conclusion starts with “In conclusion” That’s the signal that the essay is ending. Per the Professor’s instructions, the conclusion was to include any questions you are left with that remain unanswered. I’ll take everything you said into consideration when I do the re-write! Thanks again!

  2. Stephanie,
    Your essay is well-worded. But this essay is research based essay, do not include personal pronouns like “I” unless you are relating yourself to the topic.

  3. Hi Stephanie,

    I think you did a great job in comparing the two works. I would just go through any slight grammatical errors that you may have. If needed reread the sentence out loud. Just remember that the final draft needs to have an updated Works cited page. In addition, thank you for being so active and vocal in this class- you have been a great help especially during the first confusing days of this course..

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