Essay 1 draft :
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WCyNZCY8OE3XndpduODN7kPBPjq1qU1128KMR_QfVFw/edit?usp=sharing
or
Essay #1Composition 1
Essay 1 draft :
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WCyNZCY8OE3XndpduODN7kPBPjq1qU1128KMR_QfVFw/edit?usp=sharing
or
Essay #1The OpenLab is an open-source, digital platform designed to support teaching and learning at City Tech (New York City College of Technology), and to promote student and faculty engagement in the intellectual and social life of the college community.
Hi Randy,
I really liked how you changed the story to the perspective of the older older brother and mothers point of view. I wrote similarly to these two perspectives and by doing this I learned how everyone has a different perspective and different views. The only feedback I have for you is to add more to the conclusion the stories you have heard in real life connecting to this assignment. But I thought your essay was really great!
I think that Randy did an excellent job writing the first draft of his essay. One thing that I would improve is the definition of “interpret”. Randy mentions that interpreting something is, “The action of explaining the meaning of something” however, I disagree. I don’t think that you necessarily have to explain something to interpret something. I think that interpreting something is merely a matter of how a person understands something. One thing that I learned from Randy’s essay was that a mother’s perspective, at least in this specific instance, but I would think in most instances, is out of the goodness of her heart doing what is best for her children. I think that Randy did a good job conveying that in his essay when he wrote, “I try to be the best I could be to make sure my two sons have the best life.” This was very moving, and I think accurate.
Your essay is well organized. You have summarized and pointed out the main points of the story in your introduction. In your conclusion, you mention that it was kind of easy for you to write the story from the view of the narrator’s perspective, and was hard to write from someone else’s perspective. I can also relate to your statement as I had the same struggle.
I think if you can add some more to your conclusion it would be great.
The way you told the story from the main character’s perspective was very detailed and organized. The mother’s perspective was also great, I loved how you made him do little criminal acts to provide for his family, the way the mother knew and reacted to those criminal acts felt very natural, and how the friend gave in and told him about the robbery. I learned that the main character was humble and would do anything for his family when he says: ” The main priority is putting food in our belly’s and having a roof over our heads and that’s what I’m thankful for. “what I would suggest improving is the perspective of the mother it was short and sweet but if you were to add to that it would be great.
Mr. Cabrera,
Your essay is well organized, and grammatically correct as of this time. I like the fact that you have changed from your old ways, and you are doing the right thing.
Please elaborate on your essay on how you confronted your friends, and how you planned on taking back your property. Include on how your mother helped you changed from your old ways to the ways you are doing now.
I really liked how you changed the story to different perspectives. I also was going to write the story in the moms p.o.v. and actually did write it with an older sisters p.o.v. The essay is also thoroughly written with a lot of supporting details and elements especially in the intro and conclusion. As a way to make the essay stronger you can try to change wording to make emphasis in certain parts or make the writing/messages stronger. I thoroughly enjoyed your essay.
(Feedback) Hello Randy, I really liked your essay. I believe you put a lot of effort into the perspective of both the son and mother. I believe you should add more to the perspective of the mother in more detail, although you did the best you could. Good job!
Hello Randy,
I really like your essay the use of the perspectives you used is tell the perspective . You were able to use the narrator’s point of view but tell the story in a completely different way. I also liked your use of grammar in your essay. The only concern I have in this essay is that in the narrator’s perspective you used some of her words as yours and they were not quoted But overall good job.