When we met last, we reviewed Unit 1 (Portrait of a Word). There was a section within that assignment page that read (What will you be graded on?). We went over that section and hypothetically conjured up what a piece would have to include to align with that checklist. Now, imagine you were me or students from the class work-shopping and the piece you read for homework was a student’s paper. What aspects of the (What will you be graded on?) section did the piece fulfill? Was there anything the piece was lacking or needed some revision/shifting to make it work? Was the structure easily accessible to the audience it was intended for and who was the target audience for the piece?
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Ursula C. Schwerin Library
New York City College of Technology, C.U.N.Y
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I learned from the reading that Zayn Malik was born and raised in a western society where he was a practicing Muslim because his both parents were Muslim but at the same time wanted to assimilate into the western society. As a teenager, he used to know more about the western culture than other Muslim teens. He used to go to the Mosque in Fridays to pray. He also used to listen to rap because his parents allowed him with his siblings to do so. He didn’t want the people to know his roots. He had identity issue where he wanted to assimilate but the background he came from was too strict. He ended up just being himself.
The reading fulfilled everything in the (What will you be graded on?) which was Audience, Organization/Structure, Purpose, Diction. The targeted audience becomes more clear the further you read into the article. The Organization/Structure is good since the paragraphs aren’t that long and easily readable. The purpose is conveyed towards the end and it reflects the article. Diction is present because the author has their own way of writing. I feel that the piece is not lacking but the structure can be shifted where the main point is more towards the front of the article.
The essay was good when Zayn talks about growing up with muslim parents.There were facts that I didn’t know about like when he said “When Muslim babies are born, the father holds them close and sings the Adhan into their right ear; the first thing heard is a song from our fathers.” The essay needs some shifting around, there are paragraphs that need to be shortened.Some paragraphs could talk more about what life was like being muslim in America.
I agree as well on about how there were just some long and short paragraphs, there could have been more changes to it to make it more cohesive
I agree on what you said that the essay was good. he was able to express his feelings
by reading Zayn Malik I learn that he know a lot of knowledge on muslims culture. the story talks about the many different things of muslims culture like there musical aspect of it. the writing of the piece transition between one other very nicely. some of the paragraph are too short and my need more information. the writing have little about, what it is like about muslims culture in America. and I feel like they need more on that topic.
I also thought that there was a lot of information being told about muslim culture mainly on the music aspect and the specific musician in particular and how it may have impact the author, but there was also just very short paragraph that could have been just cut off
I agree with you on that there was very little information on muslims culture in America. he need to touch more upon that.
This reading met up with all of the requirements stated in the rubric. The author made sure that the highlighted word was focused on and made the main theme of the passage without over using it. He explains how important the word is and how it has affected many aspects of their life. The author explains the meaning to give more background to readers who may not be Arabic, but overall they are reaching their target audience which are muslims, but more specifically muslim people who have to hide their true identities because of the stigma their religion puts on them. It was organized and the passage went in an order in which I can follow and I felt like I was living through the authors eyes. I appreciate how the author explained everything in depth while making the story clear and keeping my attention on the story.
I agree. Zayn very descriptively explains his life in both aspects of culture. He speaks about his Islamic side and his American side assimilating and how he tried to balance everything going on regarding his presence in his own culture and religion versus, his American side. It is very well explained down to his name Zayn Malik and how that name has people view him.
The reading was able to fulfill the author’s personal experiences, an example of this would be when the author went into detail of specific challenges that some muslim teenagers face such as cultural differences and trying to enjoy something that is forbidden due to their religion. One thing that could be improve is the shifting of certain topics such as when the bring up Zayn Malik during the middle of the reading, some readers might not know who exactly this person is, so a proper introduction of who he is in the beginning of the reading could help readers understand his importance as the reading goes on.
I definitely agree that Zayn Malik should be introduced better, as after reading I had to look Malik up because I wasn’t 100 percent sure who he was. I think an introduction to who he is in the beginning could work but, also I think it would be fine if there was one after the author brings up listening to One Direction with his friend to keep with the overall flow of the writing.
I agree that Zayn Malik could have been introduced better. While reading I didn’t know or understand exactly who the person was as I am not too familiar with one direction. In the very beginning it could help for there to be a more solid introduction with who he is now compared to his rise.
I definitely agree that Zayn Malik could have been introduced better. I was convinced of this during our last class when I heard how many people have no idea who he is and what his occupation is.
I think the reading would be graded highly, but with one big issue bringing it down. The author nails the audience and purpose targeting teens, but more specifically teens who are lost and trying to find their own identity while trying to blend into society. I think the work’s structure allows it to flow nicely, while making sense on the order, but I think the main point could have been introduced a little bit earlier. The main issue I have is there is no exact word or phrase over seeing the entire work, but overall it’s a good piece.
The text meets most grading criteria, but its structure could be improved. Some paragraphs could be combined as they follow the previous paragraph’s content. The build-up to the main points was long, causing them to be pushed towards the end of the essay. I suggest that this person moves these points to the beginning to make them more prominent. Overall, this essay was good. It just needs to improve it’s structure.
The reading fulfilled the main requirements in “What I will get graded on”.
The essay can easily appeal to those kids and teenagers who are and were raised in America and faced the “problem” of being “different”, “not like many others” and the audience of muslim Americans. The author keeps their readers interested by forming an emotional connection with the targeted audience. The paragraphs are not tiring to read and they do not make the writing look heavy. I believe the purpose of the essay was clear, but the readers can identify the main idea by the last sentence of message, which leads to the charms of remaining yourself.
I also saw the appeal to many teens who are afraid of being “different” due to cultural differences. I also think its a really good point about the emotional connection the author forms with the audience allowing greater interest that I didn’t even think about.
I agree with the points you made about how the author nailed the purpose and the audience. Also when you state that the main points could have been introduced earlier.
The target audience were immigrants and the general public. This article was written for them to understand the obstacles Hanif faced while growing up in the United States. Hanif mentioned having to change his name every time someone misspelled it. I believe that this was brought up to show that it took him years to accept his name. Also, because his name is what makes him the person he is.
According to the article, Hanif does a great job by going in depth explaining what it means to be a Muslim and to be practicing the religion of Islam. The overall goal of this article was to show how Islamophobia identifies the culture as being brutal and threatening. However, he uses Zayn Malik, a Muslim pop star as a representation of someone who doesn’t stand up for Islam in his music even through the hatred/ Islamophobia. He mentioned Zayn Malik doing things that are unacceptable in Islam such as “smoking weed” and being “covered in tattoos”. It would definitely help if Malik were to spread the beauty of Islam. However, the article would’ve been better if Hanif didn’t point out the behaviors to judge the pop star since the purpose was to shine light on the religion and not to discriminate against people.
I also think it was unnecessary to mention Zayn Malik’s actions that do not reflect his religion and what it stands for. However, this can serve as an example for those who have already done all those things, that do not identity Islam and its core values, and still be able to have a chance to come to a religion and keep faith and beliefs deep in their hearts.
I also think it’s was unnecessary for the author to mention his actions because his actions don’t really reflect on what the author is trying to mention which is her religion.
By reading Zayn Malik I learned more about him as a person and also about how he tried to assimilate into American culture while also being into Muslim. His identity issues caused him to have a different path in life than what his peers and family members lead to. Zayn, while trying to assimilate would smoke weed and sing songs about love and things that were typically considered “haram”.
I actually agree with you the reason why is that in the story it says that he is a muslim but he is doing a lot of things that Muslims should not be doing this types of haram things. I kind of undestand why zayn malik turn from a religious guy to this types of bad things.
The peace of writing fulfills most of the “What will you be graded on?” section such as the content and mechanics. I do think the structure could be worked on more where he talks about Zayn Malik first then proceeds to talk about being Muslim and how it was almost like he was living two lives until he learned to just be himself. The article was easy to get into and understand he could have explained who Zayn Malik was a little more. The Targeted audience are teens who are afraid of being themselves because of where they come from or their culture.
I think that when it comes about Ziyan Malik, he is a famous person so everyone care about him and wants to know a lot about his childhood and feelings. Unlike for the two other people who had a similar experience and one of them was even a Muslim. Ziyan Malik had a very special experiment that he was a Muslim living in the United Kingdom and just wanted to escape the community he came from. Similarly, one of the other two guys was also a Muslim who used to listen to rap with his siblings because their parents allowed them to do so, he even changed his name. The third guy was not different since he felt that he didn’t want to belong but wanted to belong at the same time. I personally think that it is all identity issues when people want to assimilate into the society.
“I didn’t know who Zayn Malik was at first, but I looked him up. It turns out, he sings some songs I really like. It’s cool how we can discover new things about people and how it can make us like them even more. It shows how connected our lives are and how we can find surprises along the way.” Overall, the text was well written by a Muslim guy Hanif Abdurraqib’s life as a Muslim in America, and it’s about how celebrities like Zayn Malik impact how people see Muslims.