Desperate..

D-503 seems to be obsessed with I-330. Most of his entries have turned about her in one way or another. What i dont understand is, if I-330 feels the same way, because of the letter he received from her. That part confused me alot with the pink slip, and then O-90 waiting for him where he lives.

D-503 seems to be a rebel in many ways in the beginning of our assigned readings in his diary entry titled “Through the Glass I Am Dead Corridor” he kind of questions his happiness “And a question stirred within me : What if he, this yellow-eyed creature, in his disorderly, filthy mound of leaves, in his uncomputed life, is happier than we are?”. Although D-503 still seems to be loyal to One State, and believes there is no other place like One State. We see this constant “what if” throughout out the reading, but strangely it only happens when he feels some type of way due to I-330. Its almost as if being unable to be with I-330 has made him feel. Not necessarily good, but he feels now, he feels desperate for her he wants her really bad. D-503 keeps bringing up the idea of a soul i form of a question mark. He thinks of himself as sic because he dreams and feels. I believe that just like in every place good or bad there will always be that person who just doesn’t’ fit just like Bernard.┬áMaybe D-503 isn’t exactly like Bernard but he is getting to the point where he seems to be and also feels different than everyone else. He is catching strong feelings and believes to be gaining the sensation of having a soul. We also see D-503 following her orders of the pink coupon. He does it a couple of times and yet she does not even appear to give him an explanation. I-330 has never really showed him a very big interest but D-503 seems to be giving up his sanity for the way she makes him feel or as he calls it ” the incident of the closet, my temporary death, and so on.” pg 118. I-330 seems to be different, very different to the point where she is full of secrets and reveals this when she talks to D-503 on page 134.

To be honest this novel has been really hard to understand. There are some things that are pretty straight forward which are very clear to understand, but other event really confuse so I am not really sure if what i am reading is the correct interpretation of the text. There are a couple of parts in the text where children are brought up. These parts especially in his entry novel “The Infinitesimal of The Third Order A Scowling Glance Over the Parapet”. In this entry O-90 is D-503 home and she asked him for a child after the letter he had send her. I am really anxious to actually discuss the novel tomorrow in class. Its really hard to read and like something that keeps confusing you. His constant back and forth of not even finishing the sentence drives me insane.

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