This week, we continue *scaffolding* Unit 1.
Now it is time to transform your topic proposal into an outline. Compose your outline using this template: Education Narrative Outline
Please refer to this sample outline as a model: English 1101Co Sample OutlineÂ
You can copy and paste your outline below in a Comment, or write the outline in a Google Doc and paste the link in your Comment. Either is fine.
In class Thursday 9/23 we will discuss these outlines and begin our rough drafts. Please be sure to “bring” your outline to class, whatever stage it’s in– have it in a Google Doc or Word format so you can share screen.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/14Zg4WxmhacX4aC7ajdR8MDDhYiEbUAK6YPMq52mHiec/edit?usp=sharing
This is excellent, Brandon. Very inspiring all around. Suggestions as you begin to work on your draft:
1. Be more specific with your thesis and put it in a complete sentence. What did you learn about yourself or about college, through this experience?
2. Be sure that each body paragraph has a complete idea rather than a topic. In other words, what is the point you want to make in each BP?
3. As you begin your draft, jot down as many details and specific memories as possible, that you want to include
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1vgTwFYqWOAoNvB5hR6q3c_hjP-A2cZJIpG6qQgGnJaw/edit
Hi Nigel,
Can you open edit access? Thank you!
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1vgTwFYqWOAoNvB5hR6q3c_hjP-A2cZJIpG6qQgGnJaw/edit
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1vgTwFYqWOAoNvB5hR6q3c_hjP-A2cZJIpG6qQgGnJaw/edit
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1vgTwFYqWOAoNvB5hR6q3c_hjP-A2cZJIpG6qQgGnJaw/edit
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1VPoz49Txq8elvXwfQ1KJ2JWJxTp-E4O-Dvkzx7OMCuE/edit
Hi Anthony,
Can you open edit access? Thank you!
English 1101Co / Unit 1 Education Narrative / Outline
Name:
Intro (introduce the topic and set the scene with descriptive details- who, what, when, where)
Topic: what I learned while writing my college essay.
Setting info:2020-2021, Life Academy for film and music high school, Brooklyn, Bensonhurst Area, loud during the days due to trains. Quiet at night, peaceful, anxious
Thesis (what you learned; you may want to fill this in after everything else): what I learned from writing my college essay is more profound than you may think. I expressed myself on the passing of my loved one.
BP (body paragraph) 1
Idea: I was highly unsteady when I had to write my paper. I knew it had to be perfect due to the dream school I wanted to go to. I looked up many paragraphs from other students online, and I felt like I was reading a story written by a famous author. I wanted colleges to feel like they leaped into my life for a brief second; I didn’t know how to go about it, but I knew it would be something good.
Ex: Olivares maybe I could save myself by writing paragraph 1
BP 2
Idea: Once I started writing about how my high school years were like, I felt very unsteady. I knew this wasn’t what I was supposed to talk about. I kept erasing and revising, and modifying my story over and over again. Finally, I took a day to get my thoughts together and realized I should write about the passing of my mother. I knew it was a story that I had to tell one day, and I knew it would grasp each college when reading my college essay. I took the time to mentally prepare myself because I knew this was going to be a story that would have me very emotional.
(How did I write my college essay even though you don’t Renee anything about her ?)
Ex:
Caroline hellman’s “defense of the classroom” paragraph 10
BP 3
Idea: I knew this would be a Chance for me to ask my parents for information on my
Mother since I knew I wasn’t apparent on her and her life. I took the time to learn about her and her lifestyle and how she took care of.me.and my older sister. I started to write how I viewed my mother’s passing, and even though it took a toll on me and my emotions, my college essay felt right. It felt like I had to tell my story on how you dealt with this very young age.
(take about how you felt about it)
(what did you do to get over those emotions you felt)
(Where you wrote your college essay)
(Where you made your final touches)
Ex:
Spending afternoons and nights writing college essay drafts and finding out more information on my mother and her passing
Conclusion (bring things up to date; what you are doing now; how did earlier experiences influence you)
Today I am now a college freshman attending City Tech, majoring in radiology. I play an active role in my niece’s life, knowing my mother is watching over both of us. I am enjoying each day of playing sports and working out, taking the time to show love, and my story helping others with the passing of their loved ones.
After finishing the outline of your own ideas, think about where you could make a connection with a text we read in class. Do you want to start your intro with a quote? Do you want to make a connection with a text in one of your body paragraphs? Would a connection fit into your conclusion paragraph? Aim to incorporate 2 quotations in your essay.
Now go back and add a note in the places you feel these connections would fit best. Mention the author, text title, and quote page # (paragraph # if there is no p. #) so you can incorporate it into your rough draft.
Hi Cynthia,
You’ve done a good job thinking about this topic. I want to ask you to go back and look at the model outline- what you want in each body paragraph is a a main idea, and then the example or memory. The text connection is not the example. Your own specific experiences illustrate your ideas. Does this make sense?
You’ll also want to revisit your thesis. What did you learn? You could post a revision here.
intro
topic: My experience as a TLC driver
Setting info: 2021, February, car, New York City, New Jersey, Connecticut, Manhattan.
Thesis: TLC drivers, such as me have a duty picking up passengers and driving them to point
A-B. Driving in Manhattan is always a headache but my driving style shouldn’t be close to
reckless or can attract the attention of the NYPD and TLC police. In manhattan you won’t know
what kind of traps you may come across. Traps are from TLC undercover cops that pose as
passengers that will target Uber/Lyft drivers. I tend to drive a bit reckless on certain situations but a couple times NYPD/TLC police could’ve had a reason to catch me when they were around but no.
Only yellow cab drivers can pick up people without any arrangement while Uber/Lyft drivers are arranged with a passenger through the app. I drive Uber and i am not supposed to pick up anyone
without arrangements.
Bp1:
TLC police are anywhere in the city and every TLC driver hates the TLC police. People try to have a
certain appearance to avoid trouble such as collar shirts. Other times is when drivers clean their cars
and leave a shiny detail.
ex: TLC police tend to be desperate and give out hefty amount of summons. A common one being is
the dirty car summons since no one can prove anything with dirty car. Whoever has a white car, they have to be super careful and for black, its not as dirty. I have a black car so no one can tell what I have on my car.
bp2:
JFK is the most serious hot water place for any TLC driver since the Port Authority police is there
along with TLC police too.
ex: I almost fell into trap with TLC police since one of them posed as a passenger to catch me do
anything fishy. The consequences went to a Pakistani Uber driver in another toyota highlander 2015
which is the car I have. He immediately tried to hustle for money and as he load up the luggage in
trunk, undercover TLC calls for backup and got the driver’s vehicle taken away $900 summons.
the driver also caused a scene so he got placed in handcuffs too. Avoid any trouble at JFK airport
at all cost.
bp3:
To this day, I just mind my business avoiding trouble in the city. I am also avoiding traps from the police
since no one in the TLC industry likes TLC police.
ex: I am currently making arrangements with a private client’s boss to pick up the client every Monday
to Friday morning and evening shifts. My ratings went up well. I installed cameras in the car for my sake
of my protection and any proof of evidence.
conclusion: As of today, I am making arrangements with one of my private client’s boss about
a 5 day weekly schedule. My experience has influenced me since there are people out there who you
really shouldn’t trust. It is better to make arrangements with someone who you know personally.
Hi Rafi,
This looks very interesting. I will ask you to think about—
1. Your thesis. What have you learned as a TLC driver? You could answer in a sentence, in your thesis
2. Body paragraphs- they seem to overlap in their content. Remember you want each BP to make a fresh separate point.
3. For each body paragraph, you want one main idea in a sentence, and then an example. Right now it seems like BP 1 has an idea and BP 2 has the example. These should be combined
4. Could you see each BP including one thing you’ve learned about being a TLC driver?
You could post a revision here.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/10GlZ3aYBMHUAwxyudsdMa1KNRz3uCYSEClN81T_cvqI/edit?usp=sharing
Denys,
Excellent start here. You cover a lot of territory and have a cogent argument throughout. Text connection?
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1JkFi9saODAvW9LRSJTw6L_2vKNFnhVRwW90wQqfSheY/edit?usp=sharing
Hi David,
Your topic is very important here but needs more specific info. Your outline will benefit from the ideas and examples fleshed out. What is your main focus here? What was the learning experience?
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1RrrrPHUWLlCyRA2TLvMTaitFCQEsTp9nwekBN_foET8/edit?usp=sharing
Mamadou,
This is incredible. Your topic and your voice here are profound, powerful, and moving.
In terms of the writing, I wonder if your real focus comes in your Conclusion here. You write:
“Back home everyone is fighting for the few opportunities that we have but in USA people are not using the unlimited resources they are presented with. People in America don’t realize how privileged they are. Americans see it as if the options they have are supposed to be there for them. I have many friend in Africa who are so smart at school and genus at many thing but they do not have opportunities to keep going to school most of them we to adventure by take the Mediterranean sea and some died and some we have non idea
he USA is indeed a land of opportunity but hey, when there’s too much opportunity for people who don’t value them,
a blink of an eye and it will all be gone.“
Do you think you want to focus on this for your essay? And then body paragraphs would explain this further? One BP could be about school there, one about school here, the last one about migration? Or perhaps you see it another way?
Feel free to call me if you want to speak further but what you have in the Conclusion in particular is excellent.
New Outline
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1TTuezuH_NFw-QDDAvTA3WVFliiUfUC4KFMVUBjws4t0/edit?usp=sharing
Hi David,
This shows a lot of potential. The outline would benefit from a text reference (which text from class do you want to bring in?) and some more clarity about the story. What is the difficulty? What specifically is learned in elementary school that benefits you today? The essay will benefit from examples and a lot of detail about setting, to explain these ideas further.
Intro (introduce topic and set the scene with descriptive details- who, what, when, where)
Topic: First time learning about slavery
Setting info: Ps181 John Steptoe, 4th grade, classroom
Thesis (what you learned; you may want to fill this in after everything else):
BP (body paragraph) 1
Idea: I had no idea what slavery was until 4th grade
Ex: when it was time to learn about history we learned about slavery, and I had no idea who slaves were. I was born in Ghana so this was all new to me.
BP 2
Idea: I felt embarrassed whenever I heard the word Ghana
Ex:I thought to myself how could they allow this to happen and not fight back. I saw my own country as a weak nation
-Ghanaians betraying each other.
-Selling each other for money is pitiful
BP 3
Idea: Instead of looking at this horrible event in history in a negative way I can say that it brought culture diffusion
Ex: even though slavery was bad it has some positive aspect some of which includes the introduction of African culture rights to the Americas. In the Caribbeans and south American slave brought with them fufu, kola nuts,etc
-food
-religion
Conclusion (bring things up to date; what you are doing now; how did earlier experiences influence you)
Now I’m not embarrassed to call myself African. I’m proud of where I come from and I know that my people were strong having to endure all the pain that they went through.