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Before City Tech
I had a fun life in general but I always knew that I was destined for great things, even though I doubt that myself. My love for gaming was born the moment my grandfather placed that N64 controller on my hands. Suddenly, I quickly picked up on it and I learned the basic rules and mechanics of gaming. I wanted more and I soon realized that gaming can take all forms of shapes and sizes. That’s when I wanted to learn more about it and I hope to create my own game that no one else even began to think.
The main thing about me is that I do not desire to strive into becoming just another common man. All it does is just make life more boring and there is just no motivation behind it. So what if there are rules and regulations that restrict my creativity and freedom. I don’t care if I am not rich, powerful, the best, none of that. All I care is having my voice heard by the public and hopefully inspire others to take control of their own destiny rather than have someone pave that way for them.
Still, nothing wrong with having things in common but there is a reason why I am different from the rest. Despite living with a mental disability called Autism, I was able to define and pave my own version of success. It did hurt when I was told by my parents that the specialist declared me unfit for the future and that I was not able to do much with myself. Well then, what do you call this? I call it “proving you wrong” and although I do doubt myself at times, I remember my training and my own advice and continue my journey to be worthy of the times ahead.
I did thought about going to college straight after high school but I was afraid of what will happen if I fail. Back then, I didn’t know anything about it until I experienced it for the first time. Let’s just say that my first time……wasn’t a very pleasant one. I learned the hard way that there is two sides to everything. However, only by mastering that lesson that I can continue to live. That is when my strong belief of the balance is born and I will rather die fighting for it than to live and do nothing. Somehow, I just knew that it will help me greatly through all the challenges that lie ahead.
If you want, play this next piece. Otherwise, play the previous piece.
During City Tech
When I first arrived at this college, I had literally no idea where to go nor what to do. I felt completely lost and helpless. I remember that day, when I had to take that placement test. It led me to this multi-year goose chase where I had advisors telling me all the wrong classes to take and going from department to department, each of them looking at me like I was some sort of lunatic. All I wanted was to take classes that are video game based and theater. How is that so *bleeping* difficult? Not to mention that for a college that is called the “College of Technology”, they don’t do so well in the tech department. How the *bleep* you all have slow connection speed? It’s like the old dial-up days where you have to wait long minutes just to load one *bleeping* page. If I had the option to turn back time, I’ll do it in a heartbeat. However, since this is the only college that meets my standard, I have no choice but to attend this prison.
Don’t get me wrong. It is not all that bad. I had some good times there. On the other hand, it still fails to provide me with a decent experience, especially when it comes to finding internships. They make me so infuriated that I just want to drop everything and leave. The only reason why I can’t is because I have invested too much money and my family is counting on me to see this through to the end. Back then, I loved school and used to wake up every day just to see my friends and pout around with my favorite teachers. College changed me after that and I was introduced to sleepless nights, multiple deadlines, lazy group mates, etc. Even before all of this, I kept to myself and did things alone. I still do here because I can’t seem to trust anyone in a group. It was always me that has to give up my time just to get things done.
I don’t care if they need my help. I don’t care if they think I’m selfish. I especially don’t care if I have to pretend they don’t exist. We are in the age of technology and the information they need is everywhere. There is no need to ask me when you can just look it up for yourself…….I’m sorry. I’m just angry because of how ridiculous this generation has become. I don’t mean to push people away. It’s just that I feel like everyone is counting on me to succeed. The pressure is just too much sometimes and I also fear what happens if I fail…….No. I must graduate and I must find a way to persevere.
If you want, play this next piece. Otherwise, choose from the two previous pieces.
After City Tech
In all honesty, I’m going to take a nice long vacation when I’m out. I want to have the chance to finish some old personal projects, finish all my old games, and train so that I can go into a career someday. I want to start my life but I want to make sure I do everything right so that I don’t end up like the unfortunates I see today. Speaking of them, I am currently helping them out since I am a regular volunteer and team leader for New York Cares. Not to mention that I am also a blood donor for the New York Blood Center as well. I know, I am a good person at heart so I want to do all I can for the people around me.
Maybe someday, I’ll find my true purpose in life. All these things I’m doing are just parts of who I am. I was always indecisive of what I want because I tend to always put others before myself. Now, I take care of myself more often so that I don’t fall into the trap of pleasing everyone because I know that is an impossibility. Honestly, it felt good to be in control again and I don’t have to feel responsible for those who bought toxic into my life anymore. I only help those who truly need it, not for those who only want to take advantage.
Well, that’s my story. You may choose to believe what you read here or not. That part is up to you. Perhaps you can be my new friend. Or maybe an enemy. Or even someone that is neutral. Either way, this is my life….my destiny…..my balance. Farewell, reader, and may you enjoy the rest of my e-portfolio.
