Here are the students samples with suggested changes:

1.

The Inspiration of a Place

How does a place affect someone’s life and success?  A place affects a person’s life in many ways, just as it affected Nelson George’s life when he moved to Fort Greene, Brooklyn.  In the essay, “Fort Greene Dreams” by Nelson George, the author states that it doesn’t matter where you live; every place has a history just depends how the person decides to live it.  Fort Greene wasn’t different from where he lived before.  Nelson George got inspired by his surroundings and wrote his great articles and books.  Fort Greene helped him become a young kids’ mentor and even his own family.  I agree, because I personally don’t live in the greatest place, but it doesn’t mean I can’t try and make something out of myself.

Hook: Take out the question; make a statement

Summary: second sentence: clarify what didn’t change; where he moved from; credit the text; mentor: clarification of meaning

Thesis: fix “agree”—change the word agree or add what part of George’s essay the writer is agreeing with.

2.

Moments that Bring Us Back

Sometimes we experience something that might bring back memories of a specific situation.  In the essay “Coney Island of the Mind” by Katie Roiphe, she compares the beginning and the end of a relationship to the Cyclone, a famous roller coaster, on which she shares a moment on the ride that brings back memories of her father.  Any random experience can take someone back to a moment they wish they could change.

Opening line: strong

Summary: Make two lines and separate the relationships

Thesis: needs first person; clarify the experience a little more

3.

XXXX’s Motivations

       I was very lucky because I grew up in a city called XXXX.  XXXX truly motivated me and helped me in choosing y major.  And of course I thank my father’s architectural studio in XXXX.  In the essay, “Fort Greene Dreams,” the notable writer Nelson George illustrates Fort Greene Brooklyn.  George states that fort Greene has a rich artistic background, which really helped him to focus in an artistic vibe.  Like Nelson George, my father’s architectural studio and the city of XXXX itself drew my interests toward art.

Hook: strong because it shows personality and relationship to the text

Summary: concise and relates to ideas in the essay

Thesis: specific; shows first person (even without using I)

ENG-1101-2015-essay-1-THE FIX Answered

Here are three introductory paragraphs from Essay #1.  What can be improved?  How would you improve it?

1.

The Inspiration of a Place

How does a place affect someone’s life and success? A place affects a person’s life in many ways, just as it affected Nelson George’s life when he moved to Fort Greene, Brooklyn. In the essay, “Fort Greene Dreams” by Nelson George, the author states that it doesn’t matter where you live; every place has a history just depends how the person decides to live it. Fort Greene wasn’t different from where he lived before. Nelson George got inspired by his surroundings and wrote his great articles and books. Fort Greene helped him become a young kids’ mentor and even his own family. I agree, because I personally don’t live in the greatest place, but it doesn’t mean I can’t try and make something out of myself.

 2.

Moments that Bring Us Back

Sometimes we experience something that might bring back memories of a specific situation. In the essay “Coney Island of the Mind” by Katie Roiphe, she compares the beginning and the end of a relationship to the Cyclone, a famous roller coaster, on which she shares a moment on the ride that brings back memories of her father. Any random experience can take someone back to a moment they wish they could change.

3.

XXXX’s Motivations

            I was very lucky because I grew up in a city called XXXX. XXXX truly motivated me and helped me in choosing y major. And of course I thank my father’s architectural studio in XXXX. In the essay, “Fort Greene Dreams,” the notable writer Nelson George illustrates Fort Greene Brooklyn. George states that fort Greene has a rich artistic background, which really helped him to focus in an artistic vibe. Like Nelson George, my father’s architectural studio and the city of XXXX itself drew my interests toward art.

ENG 1101 2015 essay 1 THE FIX

Two handouts were distributed in class for work on Essay #1.  This is an in-class essay.  Please read, take notes, and plan before class.  Write the essay in the allotted class time and turn it in with your completed planning sheet.  As always, email me with questions.

ENG 1101Spring 2015-Narrative Essay Assignment

ENG 1101 Spring 2015 Narrative Planning Sheet

The classic five paragraph essay is an important form to be aware of, though it should be considered as only one option for writing an essay.  Please remember that a clear articulation of your ideas is the primary goal in any academic essay. Learning a classic “structure” should not be seen as a crutch or formula that guarantees success every time. Writing is never that easy!

A basic essay structure is:

• Introductory paragraph
• Body Paragraphs
• Concluding section

1. In many expository and argumentative essays, the introductory paragraph identifies a thesis statement (your argument. The introduction will lead into your argument by indicating the general topic of the essay and its relevance before drawing to a close with your more specific argument. (See Rules of Thumb, p. 78 for more elaborate discussion of the thesis.)
2. Typically, body paragraphs offer a topic sentence that supports this thesis. Here is where creativity is illuminated. There are many rhetorical strategies to choose from such as Description, A vs. B, Narration, Cause and Effect, and Exemplification (DANCE).
3. The concluding section does more than restate the thesis. Concluding paragraphs/sections draw together the discussions raised in the body paragraphs to a logical close.

Online sources that explore this classic five part essay structure are:

The Purdue Online Writing Lab’s(OWL)  description of expository essays:
https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/685/02/
The Purdue Online Writing Lab’s description of argumentative essays:
https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/685/05/
Additionally, the CUNY’s Baruch College Writing Center has compiled online writing sources at a variety of campuses: http://writingcenter.baruch.cuny.edu/online-resources/writing-guides/structure-organization/
Topics on this site include:
The University of Toronto’s Writing Introductions and Conclusions
And, Dartmouth College’s Considering Structure and Organization

By reviewing these different  resources is that you can see that there is a pattern to what is expected. You are not “reinventing the wheel” each time you sit down to write an essay. That is what a healthy understanding of essay structure should  provide: a starting point to enable you to get information down rather than a rigid set of rules to prohibit original thought, which is ultimately, the goal of academic writing.

Photo: Nelson George from Wikipedia

Our next essay is Nelson George’s “Fort Greene Dreams” in The Place Where We Dwell.”  Please read and annotate before our next class. Nelson George is a music writer and a native New Yorker. In this excerpt, he writes about factors necessary to  his growth as an individual and how that ties into to his professional development as a writer/artist.