Here are three introductory paragraphs from Essay #1. Â What can be improved? Â How would you improve it?
1.
The Inspiration of a Place
How does a place affect someone’s life and success? A place affects a person’s life in many ways, just as it affected Nelson George’s life when he moved to Fort Greene, Brooklyn. In the essay, “Fort Greene Dreams” by Nelson George, the author states that it doesn’t matter where you live; every place has a history just depends how the person decides to live it. Fort Greene wasn’t different from where he lived before. Nelson George got inspired by his surroundings and wrote his great articles and books. Fort Greene helped him become a young kids’ mentor and even his own family. I agree, because I personally don’t live in the greatest place, but it doesn’t mean I can’t try and make something out of myself.
 2.
Moments that Bring Us Back
Sometimes we experience something that might bring back memories of a specific situation. In the essay “Coney Island of the Mind” by Katie Roiphe, she compares the beginning and the end of a relationship to the Cyclone, a famous roller coaster, on which she shares a moment on the ride that brings back memories of her father. Any random experience can take someone back to a moment they wish they could change.
3.
XXXX’s Motivations
           I was very lucky because I grew up in a city called XXXX. XXXX truly motivated me and helped me in choosing y major. And of course I thank my father’s architectural studio in XXXX. In the essay, “Fort Greene Dreams,” the notable writer Nelson George illustrates Fort Greene Brooklyn. George states that fort Greene has a rich artistic background, which really helped him to focus in an artistic vibe. Like Nelson George, my father’s architectural studio and the city of XXXX itself drew my interests toward art.
