Artist by Day, Crime-Fighter by Night – Project 1

Julissa Alvarez

Jody R. Rosen

ENG 1121

1 Mar 2024

Artist by Day, Crime Fighter by Night

A discourse community is supposed to give a sense of belonging, a sense of security, and a sense of connection. It allows you to communicate with people with the same views, goals, and aspirations as you. In my case, I found myself a part of the art community, which led me to be a part of the communication design (COMD) community here at City Tech. However, recently I’ve been struggling to belong in either community due to my current interest, Criminal Justice. Now, I’m stuck between being an artist for life or being a crime fighter at night.

I’ve been studying and pursuing art/drawing for almost 16 years. Ever since I could remember, I’ve always been interested in art and drawing. I never knew how I got into this hobby, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it was because of my grandpa. I remember when he would pirate movies onto DVDs for me to watch and whatever that movie was about, he’d draw a little character related to that movie. I remember always being in awe watching him make these pretty accurate representations of characters. My personal favorite was this hexagon-looking Elmo he drew on what was my favorite movie at the time, “The Adventures of Elmo in Grouchland.” Tangent aside, my artistic abilities blossomed from weird mutated potato people who were supposed to look like my family members to characters that actually look like people, are proportionally correct, and don’t have three eyes across their faces… according to my mom, one of those eyes was supposed to be a nose.

For a bit more context, from the age of 3-10, I’d been drawing for fun and entertainment. No one has ever told me if my art was bad or if there was something on which I could improve. It was always “This is so nice!” or “Keep it up and you’ll be famous!” or “You are so talented!” I had received compliments on my art growing up; it became the norm, in a sense.  It wasn’t until 5th grade when I transferred schools that someone came over to me and said: “Wow… this is so ugly.” The negative comment came from a popular troublemaker to whom I never talked. I never understood why all of a sudden he approached me to say something so bold. Maybe he was trying to look cool because being cool and bullying are synonymous in elementary school. At first, I didn’t react, but he continued to degrade me. The insults started to sink in, but the one that got to me was: “Anyone that said your drawings were good, was lying to you. They were just saying that to not hurt your feelings.” This made me think about all the times people – especially my family – complimented my art. Were they being genuine, or was I being lied to? All these thoughts led to my development of trust issues and a lack of confidence. Every day until we graduated in 2016, he continued to say and do hateful things to my art. I stopped drawing completely for two years after that.

However, that all changed during 7th grade when a group of friends and I began opening up to each other about ourselves. I couldn’t think of anything to share until I remembered that I used to draw. I was hesitant at first, but somehow despite my anxiety, I was able to spit it out. They were quiet. I started to panic, but then my closest friend in the group said something I will never forget. 

“Julissa… there are always people who want to see others fall not because they get pleasure out of it, but because they don’t have anything special about them. Your talent is what makes you, you. And if you are going to throw it away just because of some mean words, then no offense, but that’s a waste of talent.”

My thoughts felt similar to an egg hatching. The part of my mind that concealed my love of art was pecking its way through a shell I had put around it. Not everyone needs to like what I do, but if I enjoy what I do, then why should I stop? I gradually embraced my artmaking again with my friend’s help and encouragement. 

I eventually started to post my work on social media, primarily Instagram. This platform allowed me to interact with other amazing, talented artists. Truly, the work some of these artists do is absolutely breathtaking. Seeing all of this art, interacting with all of these lovely supporters and artists, and being around all these creative minds only encouraged me to further my artistic abilities and get to the point I’m at today. What point am I at today? Well, now I’m a COMD, otherwise known as communication design, student at City Tech. 

Similarly to finding my place in the art community on social media, I found it easy to fit in here, too. I mean… the students I’m around are artists themselves, so there’s nothing completely new about it other than learning a new type of art. I’ve learned the art of type, the art of design, the art of communication. Being a COMD student has taught me things that changed my perspective of the world. For instance, I now cringe at signs and billboards with words that are spaced very incorrectly.

Though I’ve learned countless new and amazing things from COMD, I can’t help but feel like an imposter. Unlike the rest of my friends and classmates, I do not find myself enjoying the major. In fact, I don’t even find myself enjoying the typical art I do. Instead, I have a newfound love for Criminal Justice. Well, it was never new. I grew up loving everything Batman. I loved his comic books, I loved cartoons, and movies about him, I loved his sense of justice (the non-super violent, beat the crap out of criminals kind of justice.) I loved watching crime documentaries about all kinds of criminals. From the simple traffic stops to the intense murder cases, I watched and analyzed all of them as if I were a detective trying to solve the case even though the documentary told me all the evidence.

This conflicted with where I wanted to go in life. I could change to criminal justice, but throw away the 16 years of skill I’ve worked so hard on or I could stay in COMD, but not enjoy what I used to love. There was this book I read during my senior year of high school that I resonated with deeply. The book is called, “American Panda,” by Gloria Chao. It’s about a girl named Mei Lu, who is going to MIT to become a doctor. However, she isn’t becoming a doctor by choice, she’s doing so for her parents because they’ve sacrificed so much for her education. Deep down, she loved to dance and hoped to be a dance instructor one day. She kept this hobby to herself because if she ever came out about it, her parents would feel disappointed and it would drop away all the hard work both Mei and her parents put in. There was a quote that resonated with most which stated “But with each burst of energy, I didn’t feel release. Something was different… My limbs didn’t feel like extensions of my body—they were burdens, weighing me down and dragging me around… Before, there had never been anything dance couldn’t resolve. But I never did find my calm that night.” (Chp 6, pg. 57). Though, her reason for this feeling was different from mine, the feeling she was describing was exactly how I felt about art.

Despite my conflicts, it doesn’t change the fact that I was able to find a community I knew I belonged in. A community that allowed me to openly talk about my ideas and share my creativity with others without feeling judged. I know that this is where I belong… Though my life of crime-fighting still continues… For I am the night… I am justice… I am Batman… I’m sorry, I had to make that joke in this conclusion.