16 thoughts on “Feedback for Ishrat”

  1. Your essay had many points of how social media benefits us and they were supported by lot of details. For example when you mentioned how social media has helped you find jobs. However, I think the counterclaim paragraph could be longer. You mentioned that social media is leaving a negative and positive impact, but you didn’t mention the negatives of social Media. In your essay you mentioned “With all the benefits of social media there are of course disadvantages of social media and it can be incredibly dangerous.” You could maybe explain the how it can be dangerous.

  2. I liked the topic of your essay but I was a little confused in the beginning on what the statement you were supporting was so try to make it more clearer. Include disadvantages of social media as well for a counterclaim and include a rebuttal to mention how the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. In your introduction you mentioned that social media has both negative and positive effects but you only mention the positive effects so make sure to expand on the disadvantages of social media and also could be more detailed.

  3.  I enjoyed reading your essay and you made really good claims in it with evidence and circumstances to back it up. your thesis was very clear and i like the fact that you made a personal connection with social media and how it helped you get a job. One thing you could add is a a good counter argument, you could have talked about how people today are way too drawn into their phones.
     

  4. I thought your essay was very informative which had many details about how social media can be beneficial. You’re missing a counterclaim which can be added. And add the negatives about using social media.

  5. I believe your essay was very evidential, it was personal to you and many people in today’s world. There were a lot of examples used that worked with your points creating support for each of your points. What I didn’t like about it would be you said there are negatives to social media but then you never really elaborated on those negatives, which could make the reader think you only mentioned negatives just to say it and not because you have a reason. Expand on the negatives and this will be a great essay.

  6. I believe that you need a to have a clearer thesis, Based on what I have read I believe that you have a neutral feeling about social media. You believe that is not good but then again it’s not bad. Have social media ever gave you a negative affect if so how? Are there any other way social media help you other than finding a job? I believe that you should include a counterclaim because I’m confused on what side you’re on.

  7. I believe you were able to prove your side very well and also with solid evidence and it was also interesting to read since not many people wrote about social media being a positive thing. I enjoyed reading about a different perspective.  I also enjoyed how you made a connection to the essay and we were also able to see it from your perspective as well. Something that could have been improved is your counterclaim, I feel like there could of been much more detail added but other than that it was a good essay.

  8. I enjoyed your essay and liked the topic you choose to write about; Although your thesis was somewhat neutral, even though it was leaning more so to the positive aspects of social media, I still think you can make it clearer. Another suggestion I have is to add more to your counterclaim, expand more on the negatives. Overall, it was a great essay with a good amount of details.

  9. Your essay is very good, it has good arguments and evidences but also a little confusing when counterarguments, I think you should add a little clearer when interpreting your counterargument so as not to lose the format you wear when you write your essay. I also enjoyed how you made a connection to the essay and we were also able to see it from your perspective as well. Overall, it was a great essay.

  10. I really how you give one reason for each paragraph and explain the reason and prove them with evidence. I also like the business reasons and education which everyone can connect with it . I think you should should give reason for counterclaims, overall your essay was good.

  11. The essay has really good detail pertaining social media and it’s influence on the society. I do believe that because of social media, many people are able to create a business a lot faster and easier. It can also be used to raise someone’s social status to become a celebrity. Overall: Great essay!

  12. I like how you introduced both sides of your topic but you didn’t actually choose a side, you told us that you agree with both sides but you mainly agree with the positive effects of social media. You used different details and spoke about how social media can help you find things much quicker and easier such as jobs, shows and movies which can help people. You gave us examples about how watching something can help you learn but I don’t think that really supported your topic. You didn’t speak much about the disadvantages. 

  13. I liked your essay but I think it would be more powerful if you choose a side. I agree with some of the points you made, like for example where you said that social media can help us to find things much easier and quicker. Also I like the structured how you had a reason and evidence for each paragraph.

  14. The essay had many good points about how social media can be beneficial to us and a lot of points about how it can be a disadvantage. Your introduction was interesting and your claim throughout the entire essay was clear. I thought your essay was unique since a lot of other essays were discussing the negative effects of social media but you were arguing for the opposite side.

  15. I liked all the good points you brought up in your essay about the effects of social media. I also liked how much detail you put to back up your essay. Something you can work on is your counterclaim needs to be expanded more. Your structure is also good.

  16. I agreed with what your claim was and I believe that you made a lot of good points. As someone who uses a lot of social media I see that a lot of people use it to promote their business in order to bring in money so that they could profit from that.

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