16 thoughts on “Feedback for Salama Akter”

  1. Your essay was filled with lots of details. I really liked the simile you had included in the beginning where you said “the teachers thought of you as pleasant as eating a peach on a sunny day.” I liked the details you had in the essay such as how you mentioned what your guidance counselor had you do with the mirror when you went to his office. Another detail I liked was when you were talking about your teacher Mrs. England and, how she had soft eyes. Something else I liked was your conclusion it was something to keep you reminding Your self that your a strong individual.

  2. Your essay was very detailed but, I do think you need to go in to depth about some of the things you discuss and explain it more clearer. You should mention how old your brother was when this tragic incident occurred and you should also discuss what this experience has taught you a little more. I did like your closing statement it shows that even though times will be tough you have to stay strong and get through it.

  3. I liked how you had many details and had an explanation for ever event that occurred, it was good that during the events you thought back about what your teacher and counselor did for you. these details showed that you changed because of your teachers helped and that  you did not let your depression discourage you. maybe you can add how are you holding up in college now that is been over a month.

  4. I enjoyed your essay, the word choice you used throughout was very interesting, it helped get your message across more clearly. I also like that you used metaphors . One thing I didn’t like was that the order was kind of cofusing you would start talking about high school then grade school, I think you should start in chronological order. Also your essay was to fluffy, be more concise

  5. I really enjoy your essay because it was a interesting story. I also liked how you used metaphors in your essay and how you describe how was you feeling and how you overcome depression. I think you should add more details in your conclusion.

  6. I enjoyed hearing about your experience, it was very powerful and moving. I felt like I was there with you. It was very inspiring. An improvement you can make is make sure not to have run on sentences.

  7. I enjoyed reading your story it was really powerful. I also liked that you showed how your gained your confidence. somethings should be improve is that make the sentence shorter, otherwise everything was good.

  8. Your essay was very detailed from beginning to the end. Everything you said about yourself was very descriptive and I like how you went into detail about your school. I only wish you went into more detail with the relationship with your dad.

  9. I enjoyed your essay, the word choice you used throughout was very interesting, it helped get your message across more clearly. 

  10. I really liked reading your essay. Your metaphors and descriptive sentences/words kept me interested with your text. You really expressed yourself in your writing. Maybe add a bit more extra details other than school that helped boost your confidence. Other than that, inspiring!

  11. I liked how much details you put in your essay.Something that you should work on is adding more detail on how you change and what made you change.

  12. I really enjoyed your essay, you had good details that made your essay interesting to read. I liked the part about your school counselor helping you and encourage you to be strong. I still feel like you could add more details about how you’re doing now. But, overall its a really good essay.

  13. I really enjoyed reading your essay. It was full of emotion. I really like how you add your growth of confidence throughout your essay. Something I would suggest is to maybe add a story with anyone in your essay. I really enjoyed your use of metaphors.

  14. I liked how much you grew over time and the metaphors that you used in the essay. Some details you can include was how you built your confidence and what caused you to change.

  15. I liked the detail you expressed into the essay, it’s organized in a way that conveys a natural tone with depth about your rough experience. There were some grammatical errors into the fourth paragraph although I believe this was a very good piece of writing overall.

  16. I enjoyed your essay and reading about your past experience. Also the details you gave and how organized it is the make is easy to read and understand. The only thing were some grammatical errors but other that that your essay was good.

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